Morphine and finding right here

I received a couple of doses of morphine that interesting night at the ER, and I was curious about its effects. Mainly, it took the edge off the pain in a very effective way. And there was also a physical sense of warm and fuzzy wholeness.

The experience reminded me of the experience of body-mind wholeness (centaur) in general, and also of the shifts that happens when I do bodywork and work with projections. 

In all of those cases, there is a sense of wholeness, nurturing fullness, being home. 

There may be a shift from a sense of lack, neediness and being a victim, and into that sense of nurturing wholeness and fullness. (0ver time, the baseline tends to move so that shift may be more subtle.) 

When I explore it through the three centers, I find…

In view, there is a recognition right here of what I see out there – in the wider world, the past or the future. I see and feel it right there, in this human self. 

There is a more open heart, which in itself is nurturing and quietly joyful and satisfying. 

At the belly, there is a felt-sense of a nurturing fullness, nurturing all of me – body and mind – as a human self. 

Morphine, and to a lesser extent the current pain medication, may give that sense of warm fuzziness, wholeness and comfort, but it – obviously – comes and goes with the IV injections and the pills. And it also seem to have a sense of chemical artificialness about it, which is especially noticeable when it fades away and the normal dynamics of this human self emerges again. (Pain and all.) 

Finding myself as the whole beyond body-mind, doing bodywork and working on projections all brings very similar shifts, although these seem far more satisfying… The sense is of them being more complete. More deeply nurturing. There is more of a sense of connection there – to myself, others, life.

It is still a guest as anything else. Something that comes and goes. But it is also a little more fulfulling. 

This is also a reminder of how to explore addictions or addictive tendencies in general…

Imagine doing the activity I am addicted to. What is the experience? How do I feel it in the body? What am I seeking? Which experience am I longing for? 

Is it true that what I am seeking is not here now, even without that particular trigger? Can I find it? Stay with it? 

Are there other activities that fills the same hole in me? That gives me the same or a deeper fullfilment? Is there something I wish for, but don’t allow myself to do? Connection with others? More meaningful activities?

If I unfold the process behind the symptom, what do I find? (Process Work.) 

Is there anything I try to escape? What is it? Can I meet it? Welcome it? Be with it? Allow it, as it is? Be with it, with kindness? What happens when I try to resist or escape it? What happens when I welcome it, with heart? 

What are my beliefs around it? What is more true for me? I shouldn’t be addicted. I don’t have what I seek. I am a victim. I need love. I need fulfullment. I can’t live the way I deeply seek to live. I need to escape certain experiences.

Initial outline…

  • morphine
    • warm and fuzzy
    • no/less pain
  • finding right here
    • when work with projections, often same experience
    • over time, sense of fullness (less needy, less victim)
    • centers
      • view, recognize right here
      • heart, open
      • belly center, nurturing fullness

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