Inquiry: I need them to respect me

I need them to respect me.

  1. True?
    Yes. It doesn’t fit my conscious view, but my feelings sometimes tells me so. And I can easily find others who agree.
  2. Sure?
    No. Cannot know for sure.
  3. What happens when I have that belief?
    • I try to figure out what will make other people respect me, and then do those things. If I am able to do it, I monitor others to see if it worked. Sometimes it does, sometimes not. And if it does, there is a sense of precariousness because it may not be enough in the future. If I am not able to do it, I feel like a failure.
    • A sense of precariousness since I cannot know what will work to make people respect me. Even when I do all the right things, there is no guarantee.
    • Tension. Stress. Anxiety.
    • A sense of separation to myself, others, life.
  4. Who would I be without it?
    • Space. Open in all directions. Relaxed. Release of tension. Comfortable with myself. In my own business. Living my life for me. (Which I always am, but no without the apparent middle-man.) Doing what I am drawn to.
  5. Turnarounds.
    • I don’t need them to respect me.
      • Yes. Feels more true. I can live my life for myself, without the middle-man.
      • Even in a conventional sense, if some don’t respect me, some do. I don’t need it from everyone all the time.
    • I need me to respect me.
      • Yes, also true. If I need respect, I can give it to myself. (No need for the middle-man and for a long chain of things I can’t control to fall into place in a certain way.)
    • I need them to disrespect me.
      • Yes, as true as the two other turnarounds. When others disrespect me, it has many gifts…
      • It helps wear off beliefs and identities, shoulds about myself and the world.
      • It helps me notice beliefs and inquire into them, finding what is more true for me.
      • It reminds me to give it to myself.

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