A little snapshot…
- Everything is recognized as awakeness itself, as no thing appearing as something.
- There is a sense of a center in this field of awakeness-emptiness-form. This center seems more solid and dense, although when attention goes to it, it is recognized as sensations and images, and awakeness itself.
- This center comes from an identification with a doer/observer in the head area. I notice that it is a gestalt, made up of sensations and images, but there is still identification there. The “volume” of this identification goes up and down throughout the day.
- There is still being caught up in beliefs and emotional identifications, although these are often recognized as that as they happen.
- There are areas in my life where I am out of integrity. And the only thing preventing me from acting in ways that are more in integrity, more aligned with what is more genuinely true for me, is a set of beliefs and the fears they bring up. (Not unethical in a conventional sense, but out of alignment with what is more true for me.) I notice how one block, blocks everything. (Energy, relationships, work, recreation, embodiment, etc.)
- There is a sense of identifications being squeezed out of me. It is not very comfortable, and that is something an understatement. There is not much hope in anything anymore, although I still do practices. Even when something comes up that I think would bring up hope, there is a sense of nothing there to attach hope to.
- I sometimes recognize drama (beliefs, emotional attachments) as created only from my own world of images, as it happens, and the drama goes out of it as air from a balloon.
- There are dips into a more felt sense of all as God. (I can see it, and love it, but the felt sense has been a little behind in my process.)
- There are slight tastes of shifts from a sense of everything happening within what I am, to what I am within everything. (This is similar to what happened a while back, during a time when the volume of what I am was turned up.)
- There is not yet so much of a sense of the irony of an “I” trying to get rid of itself, as so many describe. Right now, there is more a sense of whatever this “I” can do is not going to do it. Shifts in content of experience is not doing it. And whatever shifts in identification this “I” can initiate is not going to do it either. What I am is not touched by any of it. And yet, what I am is not quite awake to itself either. (This may be an earlier phase in the process.)
- I had a meeting with Adya last week. He said that identification would be squeezed out of me, as I am experiencing. That he was confident the process would go to its conclusion. (Not comforting somehow.) And the importance of acting on my truth, acting from truth and kindness. Being in integrity. If I don’t, I am still caught up in beliefs and fears, and it stalls the process.