Inquiry: Something is wrong if I lose what is important to me

Something is wrong if I lose what is important to me.

  1. True?
    Yes. I can find where it feels true.
  2. Sure it is true?
    No. It is just an opinion. A thought.
  3. What happens when I take it as true?
    • I feel something is wrong when I lose what is important to me. I feel, think and experience as if it is true.
    • Attention keeps going to stories of what I lost. I have images of what I lost. How it was when it was in my life. How it could have been if it had continued. Comparing images of my life now (lacking) with images of other’s life now (having it).
    • I feel sadness. Distress. Alone. Separate.
    • There is tension in my body. My calves tighten. My breath goes shallow.
    • When did I first have that thought? Probably at very young age. Maybe I lost a toy important to me, or something similar. I can imagine it felt like the world collapsed. Something terrible having happened.
    • What do I fear would happen if I didn’t have that story? I fear I will lose what is important to me. That I won’t try to prevent it. That I will just allow it happen. That I will be OK with it…! I feel I am breaking norms, what I have been thought (from culture, others, myself) to believe.
    • What do I get from that belief? Stress. Some amount of misery. Some sleepless times in bed.
  4. Who would I be without the story?
    • Receptive. Interested. Curious.
    • OK with things (situations, people, experiences) coming and going in my life. Relating to them as guests, coming and going on their own time.
    • Grateful for what has been part of my life. Genuine appreciation. A soft heart. Grateful for my life.
  5. Turnarounds
    • Something is right if I lose what is important to me
      • Yes. That’s how the universe is set up. Everything comes and goes as guests.
      • It’s how it is for all of us. We all lose things (situations, people, experiences) important to us. It is part of the human experience. Part of the richness and juiciness of human experience. (Would I want it any different?)
      • When it happens, it reminds me of this. It reminds me of how everything comes and goes as guests. It reminds me that I am part of the human family, that this is how it is to be human – and any critter. It is a shared experience. It opens for a sense of connection. It is one of the ways we connect.
      • Also, it helps me notice what stories I hold onto as true. Stories try to fix things, make it appear static, and the universe moves on, so the friction between the two is an invitation to notice that I am holding onto a story as true, and inquire into it.
      • It is an opportunity to digest it. And finding ways to digest it well gives a more well-rounded personality.
    • Something is wrong if I keep what is important to me
      • Yes. If I try to hold onto something while it is already on its way out or gone, I am acting on a lie.
      • When I (compulsively) try to hold onto something, I am overlooking what is more honest for me.
    • Something is right if I keep what is important to me
      • Yes. I can remember it as part of my life, and find genuine gratitude for it.
    • Something is wrong if my thinking loses what is important to me
      • Yes. It is important for me – right now – to remember inquiry. It feels good to remember.

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