Inquiry: I need life to go my way

I need life to go my way.

1. True?
   Yes. It feels true, at times. I can find images saying it is true. I can find (especially in my mind) others who agree.
2. Sure?
   No. It is just a feeling. An opinion. An idea.
3. What happens when I believe that thought?
   • I feel I need life to go my way. I have an image of my wishes here, and life over there, either complying or not.
   • There is a sense of precariousness. Even if life complies now, it may change at any time.
   • If life does not comply, there is stress. At times disbelief. I have clear images of how life should be, it seems very real and vivid, and still life does not comply.
   • There is a sense of something being wrong. Off. There is a sense of separation. Of me and my wishes here, and life over there.
   • I complain to myself, and sometimes to others. I feel mistreated. A victim of life. I had great plans, and life got in the way.
   • When did I first have that thought? Probably as a little kid. I wanted something, it didn’t happen, and I thought I needed life to go my way.
   • What am I afraid would happen if I didn’t have that thought? I am afraid I would be passive. Just let life happen. Be a leaf in the storm. How likely is it? Not very likely. I will still be drawn to act, to be engaged and make changes.
4. Who would I be without it?
   • Amused by life. Engaged and at ease. I would be engaged and enjoying it. Less or no sense of separation.
5. Turnarounds.
   • I don’t need life to go my way.
     • Yes. It won’t, so I don’t need it to.
     • Life doesn’t go my way, in small and more significant ways, and life still goes on. I obviously don’t need it to go my way.
   • I need life to not go my way.
     • Yes. It allows me to see when I am caught up in shoulds. When I pretend that the world should conform to my images and wishes. When I am out of alignment with reality.
     • It keeps things interesting. I have to reorient, find my way in a new terrain. It opens up new challenges and opportunities for me.
     • ** It opens up terrains I otherwise never would have entered.
   • My thinking needs life to go its way.
     • Yes, that is true. When there is a belief, my thinking (and feelings) need things to go a certain way, to conform with the belief.