I woke up early this morning with that pure sense of loneliness.

Noticing. Be with. Feel. Staying with it. Taking time. Appreciation.

Giving it what it needs, just as if it was a lonely animal or child.

It is all innocent. Sweet.

I notice how there is also pure sadness within the loneliness. So I stay with that sense of pure sadness. Allow it. Feel it. Take time with it.

I do the same with the pure sense of fear within the loneliness. Stay with that pure sense of fear. Take time with it.

Life reminds me of this basic sense of loneliness. Circumstances in life brings attention to it. And these circumstances are their own thing. They are just reminders.

Within this sense of loneliness is also a basic need for connection, a wish for a deeper (more real, nurturing) connection with myself and others. I find a deeper connection with myself through taking time with the loneliness. And I can find a deeper connection with others the same way – taking time with them, finding a more real, nurturing way of connecting.

All this brings up gratitude. Life reminds me of loneliness. I take time with this loneliness and see its innocence and sweetness. And it is a reminder for my wish for deepening connection with myself and others, and an impulse for me to bring that more into my everyday life.

This basic loneliness is from very early in life, and it is from a basic sense of separation. I take time with the loneliness, sadness and fear that comes from that basic sense of separation. It is a reminder for me to bring a deeper and more satisfying sense of connection with myself and others into my everyday life. And I can explore that sense of separation. When I experience myself as separate, there is never as complete a connection with myself and others as I wish for. Something will always be missing. In my daily life, when I find a deeper and more nurturing connection with myself and others, it is even more satisfying and profound when I notice that there is no one to be separate. It adds new layers to it. New dimensions.


  • loneliness
    • basic sense of loneliness, perhaps from early childhood, from basic sense of separation (when separation, never as complete connection with self/others as wish for)
    • triggered by life, a reminder
    • notice, allow, see, feel, appreciate – notice the pure sense of loneliness, and also the pure sense of sadness, fear connected with it
    • notice, be with, allow to be as is (invite in healing)
    • notice distinction of the loneliness, and life – people, circumstances (they may remind me of it, but the loneliness is distinct, its own thing)
    • gratitude


Noticing how life reminds me of this basic sense of loneliness through life circumstances, losing relationships, not being as close to others as I would like, and missing deeper (more real, nurturing) connections with myself and others.


Skype chat:

[04:54:47] P: there is a strange clarity here now….
[04:54:54] K Lee: really?
[04:54:58] K: say more
[04:55:03] P: probably from kelly bryson – the book and conversation
[04:55:10] K: ok
[04:55:21] P: the separation of needs and strategies
[04:55:42] P: for instance, the loneliness is very clearly a basic need for connection
[04:55:53] K: yes
[04:56:13] P: and i see how it is triggered by [current life circumstances]
[04:56:28] K: yes
[04:56:32] P: but it is clearly distinct as well
[04:56:38] K: stirring it all up
[04:56:39] P: those are just reminders, pointers
[04:56:53] P: invitation for noticing, healing
[04:56:56] P: it feels good
[04:56:57] P: right
[04:57:10] P: and there is a lot of clarity around it, space
[04:57:25] K: yes…clarity is a good sign
[04:57:29] P: gratitude

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