Doing The Work on and with another

One of the most beautiful and transformative ways of using The Work is to do it on and with another, whether it is a friend, family member, partner or whatever relationship you may have.

Write a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet on each other, without holding anything back. Be as petty as you can.

Then take turn reading it to each other, and facilitate each other through one or more of the most juicy statements.

This can lead to an amazing transformation. It clears the air. It is liberating. It gives a clear and compassionate guidance for oneself. It reveals the deep caring behind the statements, even if they at first appear judgmental. It brings a beautiful sense of intimacy with oneself, the other and life. And it opens for a new level of honesty, freedom and trust in the connection.

I cannot recommend it highly enough.

Btw: It is probably best to be somewhat familiar and comfortable with the process before doing it with another in this way.


When I do this, I often find that I want the same of the other as he or she does, and the other way around. It becomes clear that behind our beliefs – which can be expressed as judgments, anger, frustration and so on – is genuine caring for each other. I get to hear what happens for the other when they react to what I do or say. And I get to understand better what happens for the other person when he/she believe his/her stories.


– do a judge-your-neighbor worksheet on each other
– read it to each other, facilitate each other
– clears the air, liberating, truth, compassionate guidance for self (when turn around), reveals the caring behind the statements (even if they may appear judgmental etc.)


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