As I become more familiar with the story of I and its consequences, it is more easy to recognize it all as one packet.
The consequences of the I story – beliefs, reactive emotions, compulsive actions – are all, in a very real sense, the I story itself.
And as I explore the dynamics around this and see and feel how it is all tied together, any expression of the I story is more easily recognized as the I story. It’s the same familiar dynamics.
And this allows the I story to soften, become more transparent, self-liberate.
This has become more alive and immediate here over the last couple of days.
It is also interesting to see how the I story keeps popping up in new ways. It is endearing. It is innocence.
I went for a walk last night, under a dark starry sky and with a wind sweeping through. The I story came up as a desire for change – for resolution in my human life and more clarity in recognizing what I am. It was recognized as the I story and lost its hook. The thought came up that “this is the key to what’s left”, and this was recognized as the I story and softened and lost its hook. A thought came up saying “clarify this further, see if you can make it clarify and stay”, and that too was recognized as the I story and became transparent, softened, and fell away. And so on. And that has continued today. It is a sweet process and unfolding. There is a wish for it to clarify, and that too is recognized as the I story….!
Note: The story of I is fine. It is part of what helps our human self function in the world. When it is not recognized as the I story, there is identification with it – and some unease and discomfort. When it is recognized as the I story – in an immediate and visceral way – the hook falls away.
I have heard this many times.
I know it to some extent, I have seen and felt it enough times. And sometimes, there is a more immediate, visceral and wordless recognition of this, as it happens.
Any desire for change comes out of the “I story”.
They mirror each other. There is a desire for change – for resolution, insight, awakening – and it comes from and fuels the story of I. And there is the story of I which has to be expressed as a desire for change. They not only mirror each other, they are identical. It is one and the same thing, the basic misconception of an “I” here.
During my walk last night, helped by a sense of vastness form a dark starry sky and a wind sweeping through, this suddenly became more clear. It was clear in an immediate and wordless way. Then, a hope for awakening came up, and it was clear that this too comes from and fuels the story of I. Another thought came up, that this is the insight I have been seeking, and that too is clearly the story of I.
And now, a thought that there is further to go before the final shift, and that too is the story of “I”. The I it is happening to, with hopes, expectations and fears, is the story of I.
When it is recognized, it is very simple and clear.
Note: The story of I in itself is fine. It is part of the “operating system” of this human self. It is the identification with the story of I that is the misconception. And that too is fine. It adds to the richness of experience. And yet, it is still a misconception. It is still the source of unease and discomfort. So using the term “I story” can be slightly misleading, but it it captures the essence and it is fine to not explain it each time.
Also, it is possible to distinguish between the stories of I and it’s effects, and yet, those effects are – in a very real sense – the story of I. It is all one packet, and it can be helpful to recognize it as one packet – especially as it happens.
Finally, is this the “final resolution”? Yes, it is often described as “the end of the search” when it is seen and recognized through and through. At the same time, life continues and there is always more to clarify about this, and more to learn in a practical sense. Mainly, it becomes a question of how to live from this more consistently and thoroughly.