Some inquiries from Adya:
We always get what we want.
Is it true the drama is juicy and rich?
What’s the innocent impulse behind a belief?
We always get what we want
(a) Hm. I have experienced my share of drama in life.
In what way do I want drama?
What are some of my beliefs that makes me want drama?
Drama is rich and juicy.
I need drama in my life.
I need drama to live a full life.
I need drama to intimately know human life.
–> I didn’t realize I was that addicted to drama. It’s sobering to see.
(b) I have had health problems.
Can I find where I wanted the experience of chronic fatigue?
It gave me time and space to process.
It brought beliefs to the surface so I got a chance to inquire into them.
I gave me a chance to hit rock bottom, and I have been drawn to that.
It gave me an opportunity to reorient.
It has helped me embrace more of my humanity.
It has helped me be more ordinary.
I have explored healing more than I would have otherwise.
I know how it is to not be able to function as I would like.
I have found empathy based on own experience.
I have learned to ask people for help.
And all of those were things I wanted before this happened.
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Is it true the drama is juicy and rich?
Hm. It feels true. I sometimes tell myself it’s true.
The drama comes from taking stories as true, just as when I take a dream as true as it happens.
In a dream, the drama is experienced as full and rich.
Important. Juicy.
When I wake up from a dream, I see the dream was created from images, and the drama from taking those images as real and true.
The drama was created from telling myself something was real that wasn’t.
–> So the sense of juiciness and richness has the same source.
It comes from taking stories as true.
I take stories about what’s happening as true, I take the drama as true, I take the stories of juiciness and importance as true.
–> First, I create drama for myself through beliefs, then I add another belief saying drama is rich and juicy.
It is all created from taking stories as true.
It is all created from temporary confusion.
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Is it true that delusion is juicy and rich?
Hm. Juicy and rich is a belief. Another story created from within delusion.
Taking a story as true creates something juicy and rich.
Is it true? I don’t know.
When I have that belief, I am fascinate by beliefs. I see them as something positive. I want to create and live within beliefs.
I am resistant to inquire into them, at least to the point where they have no hold anymore.
Who would I be without it? Hm. Not drawn to beliefs in the same way. More neutral view.
Taking a story as true creates something juicy and rich –> Taking a story as true does not create something juicy and rich.
Hm. Juicy and rich is another belief, a belief added to beliefs.
It is not inherently any more (or less) juicy or rich than anything else.
–> Clarity is in many ways more rich. It allows for exploring more views. It invites following inner guidance.
Taking a story as true creates something juicy and rich –> Taking a story as true creates something dry and poor.
Yes. I can see that.
Thoughts get confined within the belief. They are in service of the belief, trying to make it appear true.
My inner guidance/knowing may be at odds with the belief, which may prevent me from acting on it.
–> I make myself smaller than I am, both as a human being and as what I am.
I make myself and the world smaller than what we are.
– o –
There is something positive in delusion.
Is it true? Not sure. It’s just a story.
When I believe that thought, I am attracted to delusion. I want to experience it.
I create beliefs so I can experience delusion.
When I inquiry into beliefs, I hold back so some remains.
Who would I be without it? More neutral about beliefs. Willing to see through beliefs so they don’t have any footing.
There is something positive in delusion –> There is nothing positive in delusion.
Hm. That could be true.
The only positive I can find is that it’s the play of existence, but anything is that – including clarity.
And whatever positive is there in stories, is there in beliefs or clarity.
–> There is nothing *uniquely* positive in beliefs.
There is something positive in delusion –> There is something negative in delusion.
Yes, that’s definitely true. It’s how suffering and unease is created.
The function of beliefs is to create suffering.
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What’s the innocent impulse behind a belief?
I want to be right –> I want to know what’s true.
I am someone –> I want to know who or what I am.
This story is true –> I want a sense of security.
This story is true –> I want to know what’s true.
I have arrived –> I want to know I am OK.
I want drama and juiciness –> I want fullness, aliveness –> I want awakeness, absence of division.
Behind the beliefs I have looked at so far, I find an innocent impulse.
It’s an impulse that makes sense as who I am, as a human being in the world.
And it’s an impulse that makes sense from what I am.
–> It’s an impulse for what I am to notice itself.
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What’s behind a belief?
A wish to know what’s true.
A wish to be safe.
A wish to locate and orient myself.
A wish to know I am OK.
An underlying belief that uncertainty is bad –> creates fear –> fuels the impulse to take a story/any story as true.
The expression – taking a story as true – may be misguided, but the impulse is innocent.
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Why do I do inquiry?
It’s fun. Exiting. An adventure.
I want to find truth. I want release from confusion.
Truth wants to meet itself consciously.