Interpretation of experience

I still have some of what appears as a very early childhood wound surfacing – a sense of heartache and an image of being alone in a crib in a dark room at night.

I see how there are stories about……

The heartache – it’s huge, it’s too big, it’s unbearable, it’s heartache. These stories makes the experience of heartache seem unbearable and unapproachable, and yet, when I look at the actual experience it’s quite different. It’s the quality of the experience (the emotion, feeling) that triggers those stories and makes it appear a certain way, and this only happens when I believe the stories and don’t look at what’s actually here.

Relationships – nobody loves me, I am abandoned, I am alone, I am lost. These stories are also projected into the future.

What’s surfacing – it’s a childhood wound. This story solidifies something that’s not solid at all, and puts in the past what’s actually here now.

When I look directly at the heartache, I see it’s quite ephemeral and quiet, and heartache is only a label.

When I look at the stories – examine them through inquiry – I see something else is more true for me.

When I look at what’s happening – the heartache and the images and stories that comes with it – it’s all right here now. Any image of past, future, or present is here now, as is any image of what’s in either of those three times.

At the time, when the experience of heart ache and dread came up as a baby, it may have been overwhelming. Now, I can meet it with kindness and learn to parent myself in a different way.

Note: To take a closer look at this, I use an exploration of the sense fields (what appears in each one) and The Work.




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