How inquiry can be seen as cruel

Some folks see Byron Katie or The Work as unkind, or even cruel.

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Can I find where that is true for me?

It may appear unkind if people believe certain thoughts about it.

If there is a belief that truth/reality is unkind, inquiry may appear unkind.

If there is a belief that illusions are kinder than reality, inquiry may appear unkind.

If there is a belief that the client is made at fault, inquiry may appear unkind.

(What’s experienced as clarity, empowerment, freedom by the person doing inquiry

may appear – to someone less familiar with inquiry – as making the client at fault.)

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Why is it a good thing that some folks see Byron Katie or The Work as unkind?

I get to see that any insight, any worldview, is a stepping stone. (Including my own familiar ones right now.)

I get to see and inquire into my beliefs about people I imagine has these views.

They are a mirror for me. I can find the same beliefs here that I see in them. I can find times when I thought the same, and I may think about them right now what I imagine them thinking about BK/inquiry.

It’s an invitation for me to find the truth in their thoughts.

It’s an invitation for me to question what’s kind and unkind for me.

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Main insights

I see that if we have a belief that reality is unkind, then inquiry may seem threatening.

Why should I find clarity – and let go of cherished illusions, if I just end up face-to-face with an unkind reality?

There seems to be a family of related beliefs here:

Reality is unkind. Life is unkind/cruel.

God will judge me. God can/will punish me.

There is something wrong with me.

(It’s easy to think that these beliefs are especially prevalent in the European and Christian culture. And I also suspect these are quite universal.)

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Here are some examples of what may appear unkind in The Work:



He raped me –> I raped me.

(Examples of how this turnaround may be as or more true:

I let it happen rather than be killed.

I have replayed it in my mind many times since then.)

It may appear, to someone unfamiliar to inquiry, that the client here is made to be at fault for what happened.

And what’s really happening is clarity, honesty, empowerment, and freedom.

(Freedom from trauma, victim hood, anger, resentment, guilt, shame, having to replay it).



Why is it a good thing?

Why is it the best for me, others, the world?

(Whatever I imagine is the worst for me – violent death, suffering, illness, poverty, rejection.)

It may appear cruel to find how child abuse, death, violence and so on may be the best for me, others and the world.

And yet, the experience from inquiring into this is again clarity, freedom, gratitude, and an ability to meet any possibility in life from that freedom and clarity.

It may happen, and it does happen, so why not find some clarity and freedom around it?

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Some folks see Byron Katie or The Work as unkind, or even cruel.

How can I find where that’s true for me?

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Truth is primary, so may appear that kindness is in the background. (And truth = love, kindness.)

She can be misunderstood.

Some turnarounds may *appear* unkind on the surface.

Why is it a good thing? (Child abuse, violence). May appear unkind.

May appear as if it’s the person’s fault. (Rather than clarity, empowerment.)

Clarity may appear harsh. (Undermines our most cherished beliefs about life.)

Clarity undermines our most cherished beliefs about life.

Can be disillusioning. (e.g. see I don’t have control.)

May believe that truth/reality is unkind, or that it’s unkind to invite illusions to be seen through.

May believe that (a) reality is unkind and/or (b) there is no way (for me) to find clarity/resolution.

Appears unkind if believe certain stories.

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Stepping stones.

Mirrors beliefs here.

Is some truth to it, an invitation to find it.

Invitation to question what’s kind/unkind.

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