It took me some time to come out of the dark night also. It really does alter the bedrock of the psyche. It is indeed a traumatic death like experience. I’m glad your seeing your belief about energy. The “Doer” dies in the dark night. It is so much the foundation of the separate ego sense. That part of us lived off or passion, eros, excitement and personal will. It goes. What happens next comes from a very new place, beyond the personal will. All of creation starts to move in unison effortlessly and whatever role your embodied focus has as part of that pattern simply happens as one unified movement. The separate self sense thrives on the idea that it is a separate source of will, energy, power, etc. When it goes it seems like a great loss at first. Out of that dark hole which is the journey of the dark night something mysteriously arises that subsumes it all. The struggling is still the yet unresolved, undissolved parts of the mind/self. You know that. In the end there is just the absolute emptiness of the personality. What is is and is absolutely joyful and luminous. It took me a long time to come out of it and for that to emerge. Be patient my friend. Things are also happening a lot faster these days. Love, Barry
I gave Barry an update, asked a question about trauma (perhaps created, to some extent, from resisting the dark night process), mentioned some beliefs I notice for myself about energy (“I don’t have enough energy”, “I need more energy to do what I want”), and asked about his experiences when he went through the dark night of the soul. This is his response.