Friday, I did a session with Barry that – for the first time – went back to images from another life. A woman lost her husband and children in a raid by foreign men, and went into deep despair. I wrote a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet from her perspective, and this is it. It’s quite different from my usual ones, and it feels good to explore these thoughts and emotions that many around the world have experienced and do experience, especially those in a war situation or those exposed to a violent crime. I also notice I feel a bit self-conscious posting it, so that’s a good reason to do it – to see what thoughts come up for me.
Situation: A woman who lost her husband and children in a raid by a group of men, early medieval times.
1. I am angry at the men because they killed my husband, my children, they humiliated me, they ruined my life.
2. I want the men to die, to know how much I suffer, to understand how much I suffer, to suffer as much as I do.
3. The men should feel my suffering, turn around, regret what they did, make it good again, bring them back to life, bring back my life.
4. I need the men to know how much I suffer, to turn around, to make it good again.
5. The men are evil, brutal, heartless, ignorant, don’t deserve to live.
6. I don’t ever want to experience this pain again, to experience my loved ones being killed, to be humiliated, to have my life ruined.
“They killed my husband”
#3 – my whole world is collapsed, there’s nothing left, I want to die, I’m not taking care of my life, I want everyone to know I’m a victim, I honour his memory by holding onto the thought, I deaden myself, I want to ruin my own life, I deaden my body.
TA: I killed me. I deadened myself, believing the thought. I shut myself off from life, others, myself.
TA: I killed my husband. In my mind, believing he is dead. Running the pictures through my mind, over and over. Making myself unable to see how he is alive for me now.
TA: They brought my husband to life. For me, I get to see how much he meant/means for me. He is alive in my images, feelings.
TA: He killed them. I assume he killed them, in his mind, before they killed him.