Offering an alternative view to others

A friend of mine has the view that if someone beliefs something – perhaps especially about themselves, it doesn’t matter what she says since that person will continue believing it anyway. There is no point in her sharing her experience, how she sees that person, or how she feels.

I see how it’s true. We all have to find it for ourselves. As Byron Katie pointed out at The School last summer, it can even be a sleeping pillow, a temporary comfort, and it may not touch the underlying belief. That’s certainly true in the context of an event about The Work, and when the person has inquiry. (A woman shared her belief that she wasn’t good looking, and a man said she was beautiful to him.)

And yet, the opposite has truth to it as well.

If a belief surfaces for me, and a friend offers an alternative view from the heart, it opens a door. It inspires me to question my own belief and find what’s more true for me.

When it’s from the heart, it may be the most kind and natural to share, perhaps with an invitation for inquiry. I also find that when I a more clear on my own beliefs, I take the experience of others seriously – including when it comes from taking a thought as true, and I don’t have to take the belief creating the experience seriously. I know, from own investigation, it cannot be true.


– a woman w beliefs she wasn’t good looking, a man saying he thought she is, and bk responding it’s a pillow for sleeping,
– a friend of mine has the philosophy that if someone beliefs something, it’s doesn’t matter what she says, so she doesn’t need to say something – she doesn’t need to share her experiences of that person, what she sees, feels etc.
– it’s true in a certain sense, and yet, it can also be very helpful to offer an alternative view, can help open the door, inspire for own inquiry

Offering #4 and TAs to others


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