Session with Barry – feeling confusion, fear, anger as love, something working itself out in the lower belly area

Notes from a session with Barry this evening:

B: It’s about giving up all hope. It’s a radical place. There are no marker for it in the known world. When the psychic death occurs, it’s a progression, years after that it goes even deeper. When the self that strives to retain identity finally gave up, that’s when I went up to the lookout, the world has no attraction for me anymore. Even beyond that, when spirit descended further, a continual breaking down even the physical ego, intense pain, crucifixion, heart stopped, breathing stopped. That’s how radical it is, wholly beyond this world, nothing is left. When there is no identification left, it doesn’t matter. Can die any moment. You are burning through deeper and deeper layers of unconscious identity inherent in this collective mind-field. Have you read The Mother’s work? She worked on going into the programmed unconscious, the physical organic matter, to enlighten the body. Some of us are on that frontier. It’s really difficult to leave behind even what we think is good about human life. Even what we think is good about human life goes. What’s left is long period of existential emptiness, flatness, flat as cardboard. What’s the purpose of being in this body? If there is no juice, what’s the point? But slowly out of that has emerged an embodied state of being that transcends, all of the human juice is dualistic when you look at it, the moments of enthusiasm, highs, but when you look you see that the opposites are always there. And in the end, you realize it’s all a projection of the absolute state on the screen of matter. Everything that people experience experience, those highs, ecstatic moments, still nothing more a projection of what we are. You’ll find nobody there. I have not met anybody. Babaji was there. Maybe Adyashanti. I have met saints in India who were at that state. They aren’t usually speaking, or front and center of any movements. They don’t have anything to say.

 P: These things were revealed to me during the initial opening, very strong, clear, and knew it would be a process to embody it.
B: Little did you know how long it would take.
P: Yes, I thought maybe ten years.
B: Very few have written about it. It’s the shadow of new age spirituality in particular. It propagates a shared illusion that everyone hopes is true, says its true, becomes a shared agreement, go into the light, be in extacy, be joyful, happy. for the rest of our lives. But doesn’t happen. None of it doesn’t matter when you wake up, when you are there.
One of the things you see eventually is that a sense of separation to God is an illusion, it’s an impossibility. Some part of us recoiled from it.
-> Would you like ask to be taken to the core, the seed, of the decision, whatever happened there, that caused you to decide to separate yourself? Maybe we are moving towards the original separation. The archetype of a fall.
Ask to be taken to the source of this, the decision to experience this separation. Trust is a subissue of that, part of that matrix.
P: An image of being a lizard, a very simple reptile. Being completely identified with that. Very small world. Fear. Something before that. Open. Space. Being the whole universe. Stillness.
P: Notice anger in me now, resentment, hardness. Resentment about form, the world of form. Being identified with it. Anger.
B: What caused you to decide to do this, to come into form?
P: Love. (Difficult to put it into words.)
B: Go back beyond time and space, just the formless presence, what you are continuously, to the moment where you decided, considering, the idea, the possibility, to project into form.
P: Love for myself, draw in that direction. (How was it loving to yourself, to come in human form? How was this self-love?) To see what’s there, to see what’s possible. To see what comes out of it.
P: Confusion, fear, after the sense of separation. Held within that presence, love, is that love. I can feel it now. I stay with the feeling. Something happening in my belly. Feel confusion, fear, despair as presence, as love. Feel it in the tan tien area, even deeper. A knot, unwinding (?) Warm, love + confusion/fear/anger. Have been drawn to feel confusion, fear, anger as love for a while. Something working itself out in the lower belly area. Warmth. Feels very warm on the skin, much warmer than surrounding areas.
B: You have your path, your journey ahead, seeing it all as love. Have the veils lifted, so you can see it as it is.
Note: Here I/we explored the impulse into form + identifying with form/taking thoughts as true. Another exploration is the initial confusion, fear and anger created when this happened.

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