You are falling apart

I wake up, continue to lie in bed, and hear  a voice say you are falling apart. It’s a female voice with some intensity to it, not one I recognize, and it’s quite clear and sharp, as if stating a fact. It has a calm certainty to it as well, as I recognize from a few dreams and visions in my past that mirrored future events.

The experience is a bit startling, as the voice is quite different from the “internal voices” I am familiar with. The first that came up for me was fearful images of falling apart. Now, I see it may be a good thing, if the “I” and “me” the mind is identified with falls apart. And it’s probably already happening, even if parts of the mind – in it’s innocent confusion and it’s worried love – is trying to hold it all together.

What do I fear the most about falling apart?

I won’t function. I won’t be able to do what I had planned. I won’t be able to finish the projects I have started.

I will go insane. My mind will lose it’s bearings. My mind will go insane.

Others will judge me. People will see me as weak, strange. They will reject me.

I will be alone. I will suffer. I won’t understand what’s happening.

I will continue to resist, and it (the process, life) will break me down.

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