Session with Barry – #1 in new series

Notes from a recent session with Barry:

b: reestablishing re-connection with the divine – the light of god, love, fire. (Lost when moved to Wisconsin, clear inner guidance to leave / move back to Utah or Norway, didn’t follow it, closed down inner guidance/heart, sense of numbness of the heart, off track etc.)

b: when that presence is alive, fills your auric field, everything is in your essential nature, when it’s radiating out, the world orders itself to reflect that divinity
b: you continue to look at the stuff (beliefs etc.), which is important, beliefs limiting you, important to empty of patterns mind of limitation | also, simultaneously when full of divine love, then shift in a big way, something blocking the realization, the spark, once you connect with the divine, merge with it, bringing ones awareness, energy consciousness to it, the presence builds, opens the space of the auric field, the frequency goes up, radiate who you are | if you don’t do that, blocks in the subconscious, some parts of you may keep you from going there
b: imploded, imploded, imploded, your journey, it’s not wrong, does the implosion need to continue further? if implode enough, will switch and turn and go the other way, explode, don’t know quite where you are
p: heart, hurt, anger towards parents, not able to give me what i felt i needed, numbness, paralyzed, hopeless, weak, heart is numb, shut down, heart shut down, dead, fear, (limbo), life stuck on hold, the fear is it will open up and i will be struck down again, open up and losing it again, why have it again (the life, vitality) and come right back to here again – will be even more painful, may not be able to handle that pain, too much to bear
b: survival issue, primal survival issue, i may not survive it if i get this heart open again, know how it is to be alive, have joy, happiness, love, excruciatingly painful to have had that and lose it
p: thick wood board over my heart, see how it’s expressing itself in my life, victim, hopeless, giving up, fogginess, weak, fatigue, imprisonment,
p: hopelessness, have tried so many things, promise of it helping, then back here, hopelessness
b: hopelessness, a name with to a pattern of energy and mind, you are not hopeless, but in the experience of hopelessness, lets go into the center of it, where it’s most focalized in your body, the most energetic signature of it, (heart), feel the energy of hopelessness, let it do what it needs to do, release, be more, move towards the center of the hopelessness, wherever its stronger move in that direction, breathe, feel, let it go
b: find the thickest part of the sadness, misunderstood, constricting in throat etc., breathe, feel
p: sadness in the throat,
b: go through it, is something deeper, drilling for oil, trail of breadcrumbs, follow the strongest, deepest, keep going
p: heart, hurt, not being met, not being met by others, my parents, friends in childhood,
b: the mental-emotional matrix of hopelessness, witness it – the emotions and thoughts to support it
p: stuckness (feel it, find focal point in the body), throat, third eye, dark sticky mass from surface following a line to center of head
b: bring light of consciousness to it
p: (if this is all gone, the blocks, have to leave the current situation, no choice)
p: fell asleep
b: hypnotic state, trance induction, you fell asleep into that field of consciousness, collective field of consciousness, tap into it, trance induced, am in it, like the movie the matrix, the matrix of hopelessness, falling asleep into the matrix of hopelessness, when in it is very convincing, is holographic, virtual reality, everything reflects it, everything becomes it no matter what it is, the underlying fabric that informs all perception, self-reinforcing, comes back again and again and again, it’s hopeless i am hopeless that’s the mantra, what’s the truth?, beyond the bubble of this little bubble of hopelessness, what’s the reality, the true spiritual reality
p: sense of stuckness, third eye (move into it, bring consciousness to stuckness)
p: fell asleep again
b: we are right where you shut down, right at the knot of this whole thing, where you went to sleep, hypnotized yourself, whatever the mind believes it creates, only the light of your own consciousness that will shine through this, see the fog, the sleep and the truth beyond it, only you can do it, together we can hold the space, can get through it a lot faster
b: part of how it’s held in place, identifying with the feeling, “I am hopeless”, you can never be hopeless, it’s not possible, can hypnotize yourself to believe that, make that your experience, whenever there is a fork in the road, consciousness goes down the hopeless path, doesn’t even see the other option, addicted to the downer of it
p: impulse in me to leave
b: holding it right in the fire here, in some way may have been a payoff from all this hopelessness, what might that be, the gift or benefit of all this hopelessness?
b: if i am a total train wreck in every regard, maybe people will still love me – your life is terrible, you are totally broken down, and i love you, i love you no matter how horrible you are, how terrible your life is – what’s your payoff, what are you looking for? it must be something very big, or you wouldn’t go through this to get it
b: what would happen if one person would say “i love you completely, totally, it doesn’t matter who you are, how you are, nothing matters because i love you as you are, nothing can change that”, what does that do for you?
p: it will free me to be who i am, i don’t have to pretend, play games, i don’t have to worry about how other people will see me
b: knowing you are unconditionally allowed, allows you to be completely and fully who you are
b: think about your mother for a minute, think of her as a soul, underneath what’s confused, hurting, connect with the her that preexist before that incarnation, exists beyond time and space, the real her, free of all these occlusions, feel her heart, feel your connection with her, feel how she feels about you, the real true love of her being
p: deep mutual love
b: feel it, let it in, she has always wanted to give it to you
b: need sustained effort, stay with it with it with it, listen to mp3 – third person, will give you different perspective, hearing yourself, seeing yourself, will start help you unglue things for you, be guided, walk it step by step, i need your feedback, what’s working and not working, anything, don’t worry about sensitivity on my part, seriously, if not working tell me, and if it seems to be working tell me that

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