These three of my deficient selves are closely connected: The unlovable self, the unloved self, the self that missed out, and the self that’s not love.
Here are some images and thoughts for each of them:
The unlovable self
I am unlovable.
Situation (i): Alone in a crib in a dark room as a baby. My mother doesn’t love me because I am unlovable. (Underlying thoughts: I am alone in a crib in a dark room, and that means that my mother doesn’t love me. There is something wrong with me.)
Situation (ii): Whenever life doesn’t go “my way”. God doesn’t love me because I am unlovable. (Underlying thoughts: Life didn’t go my way. Life didn’t go my way because God doesn’t love me. God doesn’t love me because I am unlovable. There is something wrong with me.)
The unloved self
My mother doesn’t love me. (Alone in a crib in a dark room.)
My father doesn’t love me. (When he got very angry at me at a summer vacation.)
God doesn’t love me. (Any time life doesn’t go “my way”.)
He doesn’t love me. (Class mate who gave me dirty look when I answered the teacher’s question in elementary school.)
She doesn’t love me. (Friend from my early twenties who broke connection when she got a boyfriend.)
The self that missed out
My life would have been better if I had been in a relationship with [E, B]. (From early twenties.)
My life would have been better if I had married M. (More fulfilled, richer, fuller, more love, more joy, more support, more alive.)
I missed out. (Of a fuller, richer, more joyful, more supported life.)
The self that’s not love
I am not love. Love is different. Love is not what I am. Love comes and goes.