Trusting God’s will, and finding fears it brings up in me

If what is is God, and God’s will, and God is love, do I trust it?

When I consider this – that what’s here, what happened, what may happen, is not only God itself, but also God’s love and God’s will – what fears does it bring up?

How is it to welcome these fearful images and thoughts, notice they are here to protect me, notice they come from love? How is it to inquire into each of these and find what’s more true for me? What do I find?

Here is some that come up for me:

If I see and feel what’s here (what happened, what may happen) as God’s will/love, what I am most afraid would happen is…..

I wouldn’t take care of myself. I wouldn’t protect myself. Others will see me as an idiot. I will leave humanity behind. (In terms of my view, way of relating to life.) I will be isolated.

I will make myself vulnerable. I will open myself up for bad things happening to me. I will invite in bad things happening to me. I will tell God it’s OK for bad things happening to me. Something bad may happen to me. Something bad can happen to me. It’s possible for something bad to happen to me.

It’s too foreign to me. I won’t be able to complain. I won’t be able to blame others. I will have to take responsibility. I will have to live in integrity. I won’t have a way out. I won’t be up to it. I am not ready for it.