Belief: I can’t have what I want

I can’t have what I want.

I can’t have what feels right, where my heart goes.

Situations: Relationship opportunities in early twenties (M., B., E.), where I lived after marriage. I also imagine it in my parent’s relationship. Elementary school, when I felt lost and an outsider (and didn’t do what was needed for it to change.) Infinite wisdom and love from my parents.

I can’t have what I want because….

It will be too good for me. I won’t have anything to dream about. I will make a mess of it. I will get stuck in it and won’t be able to pursue something even better.

There is something wrong with me. I am an exception. (Others can have what they want, I can’t.) God doesn’t want me to have what I want.  God will take it away from me again. ** Life doesn’t want me to have what I want. Life will take it away from me again. **

I can’t have what I want and that means….

I will suffer. I will be alone, isolated. I will be stuck in a situation that feels wrong.

It won’t happen. (What I want, what feels right, what seems possible.)

It’s worse for me. My suffering is worse.

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I can’t have what I want.

Situation: An intimate relationship with B.

(Early twenties.)

Is it true?


Can you be certain it’s true?


What happens, how do you react, when you have that belief?

I feel stuck, hopeless.

I don’t talk with her about what I want.

I don’t explore the possibility with her.

It feels thick, sticky.

(The atmosphere around the belief.)

Who would you be without the thought?

Then: I would talk with her, explore the possibility.

Now: I will visualize what I want, feel confident it can happen, and take steps to close the gap/towards making it happen.

TA: I can have what I want.

I had a close friendship with her.

She wanted the same as me, we just didn’t talk about it.

Then: I had a good place to live, did what I was passionate about (art, studies, nature, meditation, prayer), had close friends.

Now: I have time for healing, I went to The School, I have friends, I am able to explore photography.

TA: I can’t want what I have.

It seems too easy.

There is no drama involved.

What I don’t have is better.

TA: I can’t have what I don’t want.

If I am not clear I want it, it may not happen.

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Additional beliefs

My parents are stuck in a marriage they are unhappy about.

In elementary school I felt lost, like an outsider.

There is no other option.

What I have is too easy.

Drama is needed for it to be worth having.

What I don’t have is better than what I have.

What I can’t have is better than what I can have.

I couldn’t get what I wanted from my mother.

(Infinite love and wisdom, deep sense of being loved and being lovable, deep sense of trust, deep sense of security, deep sense that I am OK and I am loved.)

God had me incarnated.

God threw me out of heaven.

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Additional TA examples

TA: I can have what I want.

I had a close friendship with M, B, E.

I did have an intimate relationship with M.

I did art, studies, walks in nature.

I lived at the Zen center while studying.

I lived in Utah, which was an amazing place for me.

I had a dream job in Madison.

I found Breema, and The Work.

I was able to move back to Norway and live there for a while.

I have had time to explore, for healing.

I have had food, shelter, family, people who love me.

I got to see what’s left in me, and I do want to include these parts of me – the confused parts – into the whole, invite it into the light.

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