Scott Kiloby: Survival mechanisms that were killing me

I was lying in bed one night. It was a night like any other night. I was completely at peace, feeling a great sense of well-being, without fear of death or anything else, without any sense of compulsions or addictions towards anything and without much of a story of a person named Scott.  The question arose, “How is this even possible, to have such deep peace and well-being?” It occurred to me in that moment that so many of what I would have previously referred to as “survival mechanisms” were bad for my health and that, as those dissolved away or relaxed, this deeper peace and well-being became my everyday experience.

– from Survival Mechanisms That Were Killing Me by Scott Kiloby

One thought to “Scott Kiloby: Survival mechanisms that were killing me”

  1. I love how this is written….this part of the piece feels so clear for me also:

    “I grew up, like everyone else, thinking that I was a story. It’s not that I just had a past and a future. In a very real sense, I WAS my past and future. That was my identity. It wasn’t simply entertaining and dramatic to think of myself as this story. It wasn’t only self-indulgent to be immersed in the story twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. It was more than that. It felt like a matter of survival. Without my past, who would I be? Without a future, there would be no me. The story, then, was a matter of survival not of a physical body, but of a psychological creature named Scott.”

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