Reasons for a long dark night of the soul

I have had a dark night of the soul phase that’s lasted for 17+ years now. I see that Adya suggests that this phase typically lasts from five to twenty years, although there are of course exceptions in either direction.

Some possible reasons for a long dark night of the soul (in my case):

It started when I went against my guidance on a major life decision, and I stayed in this life situation even if it felt fundamentally wrong. I stayed due to unquestioned/unloved shoulds and fears in me, inherited from my family and culture. (I have since left that particular situation.)

Going against my guidance on new life decisions. Often due to wanting to follow “expert” advice, even if my own common sense and guidance says otherwise. (And in hindsight, I see that it probably would have been better to follow my own knowning.)

Not meeting certain parts of me with love. (Wounds, identities around being unlovable and unloved, missing out and more.)

Not finding love/peace with certain aspects of my life and life situation. (Regrets about missed opportunities, fear about the future.)

A collapse of body and mind, perhaps partly due to the above. This made the resources I used to have available less available, and it’s been easier to fall into victim identification and hopelessness.

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notes…..

– some reasons for a long dark night of the soul (for me, 15+ years, with the last 5-6 very intense/dark)
– not following my guidance, going into and staying in a life situation that felt fundamentally wrong

– not meeting certain things in me with love (certain wounds, stories, being unlovable etc.)
– not finding love for/peace with certain aspects of my life and life situation (regret about missed opportunities, fear about the future)

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