In the initial awakening – which came “out of the blue” in my teens – it was abundantly clear that whatever happened was the best that could possibly happen. The universe is love and consciousness. What’s happening is love, infinite wisdom, and consciousness.
Then, during the dark night of the soul, this knowing went into the background, and seemed to become just a memory. My mind told itself that something had gone terribly wrong. I was in the wrong place in the wrong situation. I had left my guidance. I continued to leave my guidance. It felt wrong at a deep level. And there was a knowing there too, in the background, that this also is from and is love and consciousness, and perhaps the best that could happen.
Both are valid, in their own way. All is love and consciousness. What’s happening is and expression of – and is – that love and consciousness. And, when I leave my guidance as I did then, things do go “wrong” in an ordinary human sense. And that too is OK. It’s an invitation to notice. To see that it’s misguided to think I can put myself in a situation that goes against my guidance and heart, and think it will be fine at a human level. It won’t. In my case, I needed to learn that through experience.
The initial realization of “the best that could possibly happen” was given with little or no cost. It just came. This time, it seems I have to refind it more intentionally and through some work.
For instance, what if this – this situation, and what happened – is the best that could possibly have happened? How would it be if my mind intentionally shifts and takes on this view? Can I find specific examples for how it’s valid? What are the genuine gifts in what happened? How does my view on my situation, and what happened over the last years, change? How do I live my life?
Another way to explore this is through an all-inclusive gratitude practice. What happens if I thank life, or God, for all that has happened? What happens if I thank for even that which was the most painful? What happens if I write lists each day, saying “I am grateful for…..”, and include anything that comes to mind whether my impulse is to like or dislike it?
These practices will, most likely, bring up (unloved/unquestioned) fears, identifications, and beliefs. So how is it to sit with these in presence? With love? With gentle curiosity? Is it OK?
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– initial awakening – very clear, whatever is happening is the best that could possibly happen (before hearing/reading anything about it)
– can also use as an experiment, inquiry, question
– see how it is, if take this as the best that could possibly happen (from infinite love, wisdom)
– also, gratitude for all (finding, exploring, testing)