Unfindable

It can be very helpful to meet what’s here with love, rest with it, notice it’s already allowed, and so on. All of those are part of healing, and noticing what’s already here.

And yet, if we don’t go more basic, something is not yet seen. There is further to go.

We’ll keep relating to what’s here as a problem. Something that needs to change, or be fixed, or go away. Something scary. That’s painful, and it’s painful since there is further to go with it.

Our conscious view and recognition is not as aligned with reality as it can be.

What’s happening – in my experience – is that sensations seem stuck on certain words and images, lending them charge and a sense of solidity and reality. This conglomerate may seem scary, or as a deficient self, or a compulsion for a certain action.

This is how our experience is created at a relatively basic level. And that’s exactly why we often are not aware of it. It happens, and we don’t recognize what’s happening, because it’s happening at a more finely grained level than we are used to noticing.

We tend to notice the conglomerates as wholes, not as made up of these parts. And we are especially not used to slowing it all down, and examining how they are made up in detail.

When I instead do slow it down. Rest with what’s here. Notice. Look at the images. Look at the words. Feel the sensations. Ask simple questions to see what’s already here. Then something shifts. The charge softens or is released.

Sensations are recognized, and felt, as sensations. (Not as something meaning that certain images and words are true.) Images are seen and recognized as images. (Not as something real about me or my past or future or the world.) Words are seen and recognized as words.

I get to see how my experience is created, by my own mind, in a more basic and finely grained way.

I can even explore what seems most real and unquestionable in this way. Can I find space? Time? Past? Future? Present? My body? Words? Images? Sensations? Rest? Awareness?

Can I find any of those outside of images, words, and sensations? How do they appear initially, when the conglomerate perhaps seems more solid and real? How does it appear afterwards, when it’s perhaps unfindable to me?

It may be unfindable as something solid, real, and “out there”. At the same time, I can find the images, words and sensations making it up in my experience. And unfindable doesn’t mean “doesn’t exist”. I’ll still live in an ordinary way, as if time, space, body etc. all exist. But it’s held much more lightly.

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Initial notes…..

– w/i/s stuck together = charge, real, solid, unquestionable
– when separated, seen, felt, then charge softens, falls away
– still the same life, still need to be a good steward of our life etc.
– and yet from another place, more clarity, less bogged down by identifications/hangups/wounds

 

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