You need to look at that

And this is definitely not something to use against others to deflect from our own behavior and for us to avoid feeling and seeing things in ourselves. Some folks will say “you got triggered, you need to look at that”. There is a grain of truth in it, of course, but it’s also cheap and very often used by the person to avoid taking responsibility for something they themselves did or said.

From the previous post. If I think you need to look at something, I need to look at something.

In some situations, it can be helpful to point it out, but only if both people are invested in exploring these things, and only if the person takes responsibility for their side of the equation and look at their own behavior and words, and what they may try to avoid feeling or looking at in themselves. My general rule is to avoid saying these things altogether, because it can easily get messy. People get hurt and feel that they are treated in a patronizing way, and there is some truth to that.

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