Since it seems slightly unusual, I thought I would mention it here. (I have written about it briefly before.)
As a child, I sometimes had vivid flashbacks. It seems they were often triggered by a sunny day and sunlight filtered through the moving leaves of a tree. The flashbacks felt like memories from before this life.
I feel profoundly at home, living in and as a golden light, living in and as profound wisdom and love. There are formless beings here and wordless communication and knowing. All is happening within and as an infinite sense of being home, a gentle bliss, and infinite wisdom and love.
All is Oneness filled with a golden light, infinite wisdom and love, and some formless beings I can wordlessly communicate with. All is happening as timelessness although with a slight sense of time.
The words don’t nearly do it justice. And I didn’t have those words back then, of course.
I had these vivid flashbacks up until about school age.
From then on, I would sometimes wake up in the morning with a deep longing that nothing could satisfy. I tried all my favorite things – spending time with my parents, eating strawberry jam sandwich, drinking hot cocoa, reading Carl Barks stories, playing with friends – and nothing could satisfy the longing.
When the initial awakening later happened (age sixteen) and everything without exception was revealed as God – I realized what the longing had been for. The longing had been for all as the divine. For home.
The home I had flashbacks to as a kid and that was revealed to me as always here when I was sixteen.
About the same time, I also realized that the flashbacks – and the initial awakening – in some ways were similar to near-death experiences. I have always felt a kinship with people who have had near-death experiences although I haven’t had any myself. The effects on my life seems similar to how people describe the effects of near-death experiences.
There is a second (and third) part to this which I may write about later. I have also included the initial draft which includes a few paragraphs about it.
In short: In the initial awakening (which never went away), there was a more clear memory of the time between the lives. Specifically, I remembered being “told” by about a dozen formless beings that it was time for my next incarnation. I was shown some general things about this life. (Mainly, that it was important for me to incarnate now because humanity was going to go through challenges and a transformation and I could help.)
I was also asked if I wanted to incarnate into this life. I said “yes” although parts of me meant “no”. It seems to have created some trauma in me and this lack of clear communication reflects a pattern in my life that has been painful. When I have gone back and replayed it differently, I found that I could say “I know it’s right and good, and yet I don’t want to leave”. I would be met with deep understanding and love, and felt I could do it from a more wholehearted yes.
Note: When I say “formless beings” I mean that they were beings without physical body or any body with a form. I assume they must have had energetic bodies. And they and everything else happened within and as Oneness, within and as the divine.
Note II: This was initially written March 20, 2017 but I didn’t publish it for whatever reason. I decided to rewrite it slightly and publish it today, April 6, 2020.
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Initial draft…..
Since it seems slightly unusual, I thought I would mention it here. (I have written about it briefly before.)
As a child, I had vivid memories from between lives. They would often take the form of flashbacks, sometimes triggered by a sunny day and light filtered through a tree. (I know that’s very specific and seems a bit random, but that seemed to be the most common trigger.)
The memory is hard to put words to, but my best try is that I remembered feeling profoundly at home, living in and as light (not physical light) and specifically a kind of sun like or golden light, and of living in and as profound wisdom and love. There were also disembodied and formless beings there, and wordless communication and knowing. All happening within and as an infinite sense of being home, and infinite wisdom and love. I wouldn’t have used those words back then, of course, since I didn’t have them. And they do feel very inadequate.
I had these vivid flashbacks up until about school age. From then on, I would sometimes wake up in the morning with a deep longing that nothing could satisfy. I tried all my favorite things – spending time with my parents, eating strawberry jam sandwich, drinking hot cocoa, reading Carl Barks stories, playing with friends – and nothing could satisfy the longing. When the initial opening or awakening happened at age 16, and everything without exception was revealed as God – AKA Spirit, consciousness, intelligence, love – I realized what the longing was for. The longing had been for home. Real home.
About this time, I had more specific images of what had happened before this current incarnation. Although the period between lives is timeless, there had also been a relatively long period between incarnations – perhaps more than a hundred years. Maybe the incarnational pull, or the karmic weights, wasn’t terribly strong.
In any case, according to these images – or memories? – there was a communication before this current incarnation. I was shown the broad outlines of the incarnation and the tasks and gifts that came with it. I was asked if I was willing to do it, and I said “yes” even if I deeply didn’t want to leave the space between lives. I knew I would partially forget that God is everything always and everywhere and didn’t really want to, even if I knew it was right and good and inevitable. Of course, no one and no thing ever leaves this real home of all as Spirit, but we can certainly temporarily forget. And, of course, it’s Spirit itself that temporarily forgets and temporarily perceives itself as a separate being in a world of objects.
Saying “yes” when I wanted to say “I don’t want to leave, but I will” seemed to have created a wound in me which was largely healed a few years ago.
The outline was of the first half of my life being spent on healing and working through unprocessed material, and the second half being more of service. And also that my incarnation – and that of many others – would be helpful for humanity and the Earth during this phase of history, even if just in a small way. I think I was also shown that I would go through a dark night of the soul. At the very least, during and after the initial opening or awakening in my teens, I knew a dark night would happen later in life. It would be neccesary for my deepening, maturing, and healing.