Brief notes on healing and awakening and occasional personal things VI

This is one in a series of posts with brief notes on healing, awakening, and personal things. These are more spontaneous and less comprehensive than the regular articles. Some may be a little on the rant side. And some may be made into a regular article in time.


When we discover ourselves as capacity for the world – for this human self and the wider world – it can be more or less clear and stable.

When it happens, it may seem it will last forever. After all, it seems so obvious. And time and space and the world happen within it so it can’t really be lost. Right?

And yet, it may pass. Our mind may get caught in old identifications and beliefs again, often when an emotional issue gets triggered.

If it goes away, it can seem like an experience and we may call it “awakening experience”. It’s something that seems to have happened in the past and perhaps something we wish to happen again.

If it doesn’t go away, then it becomes the context for our continued human life.

When the awakening passes, it seems like we are in time and the awakening happened in time. When it becomes a context for all our experiences, then we realize that time happens within us.

This makes it sound very clear cut but it’s often far more messy.

We may shift between the two for a while. We may assume the awakening is a state since that’s all we consciously knew before this happened, and we may chase it as a state. After a while of going through all sorts of states, we may realize that what it’s about is not a state. It’s the context of all our experiences. It’s noticing ourselves as capacity for our experiences, and this capacity noticing itself. And we can notice this independent of changing experiences and states. It’s not dependent on any particular experience.

We can notice it as well in an apparently ordinary and mundane state, and perhaps easier here since there are less fireworks and distractions.


In any healing process, there will be some fear between where people are and where they will be.

There is fear holding the issue in place, to some extent. So it’s often helpful to address this fear before or during the healing session. Sometimes, just acknowledging it is enough, and sometimes one or more full sessions may be needed to explore it and invite it to soften.


We can benefit greatly from healing sessions or meditation facilitated by someone not (yet) awake. It just depends on the fit, and their skills, experience, understanding, intention, and heart.

In general, if someone is one or two steps ahead of us, the sessions can benefit us. At least if they otherwise are done in a skilled, insightful, and kind way.

That also means that as our awakening process unfolds, it’s good to find people still ahead of us or perhaps at our own general level.


Often, they (we) can. And sometimes, they (we) can’t.

Sometimes, we may need someone else to do it for us. Perhaps our own system is too weak. Perhaps it’s good for us to ask. Or perhaps another energy system or approach or perspective is needed.

And not everything can be healed, or at least not by or through the ones who happen to work on it. Who knows why. Perhaps it’s too deep in the system. Or we haven’t found the “key” if there is one. Or it’s karma that needs to be lived. Or life “wants” us to have that experience for whatever reason. Or something else.


This is something I assume most or all of us have noticed.

People who don’t know much about a topic sometimes seem superficially confident. They use strong words. They talk in absolutes. They say “this is how it is”. They don’t know how little they know.

And people who are much more familiar with the topic are more careful in what they say and how they phrase it because they know how little they know.

If we are familiar with this pattern, we will see through the overconfidence of self-appointed (non)experts and look for the ones with credentials and who speak and act like someone who knows what they are talking about. In other words, they are careful in their wording and admit to what they don’t know.

If we are not familiar with this pattern, we may go with the superficially confident and miss out on the gold from those who are more familiar with the topic.


In The Mandalorian, Baby Yoda gets exhausted after using the Force.

How is this with humans doing energy healing?

The same can happen with us. Especially if we assume we are using our own energy, or if we think we – as a human being – are doing the healing. If it happens, it’s often because our view and understanding is out of alignment with reality.

The reality is that the divine is doing it. We as humans are just a channel. And to the extent this is clear, the healings tend to be fine for us. It may even stretch and support our energy system.

May 30, 2020


I saw an article in Norwegian on emotional neediness and sense of lack that took a judgmental tone and talked about “they”.

These things are about all of us. It’s not they, it’s we.

And to communicate well about these things, we need to use we language and it needs to come from having seen and found it in ourselves.


I write in a relatively ordinary and even mundane language here.

Some who write about these topics use a more technical language, or a more poetic language, or a more soulful language.

Each of these approaches have value. They reflect different things about what we write about, and they resonate with different people.

For me, an ordinary and mundane language makes sense. What I write about is very ordinary. It’s what we already are. And as we get more familiar with it and living as it, it gets more and more ordinary to us.


Awakening means that we find ourselves as capacity for the world as it appears to us. We wake out of the impression that we are this human self or any content of experience, and we find ourselves as that which all experiences happens within and as.

Awakening pulls us out of any traditions or ideas we have about awakening or reality. It goes beyond all of it. It’s not touched by any of it. It’s far simpler. It’s far more rich and full.

Some chose to stay within a tradition and perhaps become a teacher. Others chose to let go of ties to traditions.

Choosing to stay within a tradition has upsides and downsides. The upside is that we have a ready-made community, history of teachings, and a format to follow. The downside is that these can be quite restrictive, although that depends on the fit and how flexible the tradition is. (Traditions are, by definition, not so flexible. Their main priority is generally to maintain themselves.)

Letting go of traditions also come with upsides and downsides. We may lose our old community and the format. And yet, it does give us a lot more freedom to find our own way and we can find a new “community” of people in a similar situation to ourselves.

Of course, most of us don’t really “let go” of traditions completely. We are influenced by the ones we have been in contact with. We may also deeply appreciate what they offer and maintain so future generations can benefit from it as well.

For me, this was never a choice one way or another. I have spent time with several groups – Taoist, Christian, Tibetan Buddhist, Zen, shamanic, Advaita, Sikh, Sufi-inspired, and so on. Usually one at a time. And none felt like a good long-term fit for me. I often deeply enjoyed being with them for a while, usually a few years, and then moved on to the next one. They each one offer something of value so, for me, it felt natural to explore one after the other over time. It wasn’t planned. I wanted to find one that was a good long-term fit. Now, I mostly just explore what comes up for me and I am not active in any groups apart from Vortex Healing.


There is a place in the soul where you’ve never been wounded

– Meister Eckhart (?)

This is true in several ways.

As capacity for the world, we cannot be wounded. The capacity itself cannot be wounded by anything happening within itself.

As the wholeness of what we are, we cannot be wounded. We are that which all of our experiences happen within and as.

As the wholeness of who we are – this human self – we contain wounds but the wholeness is still here. We can still access the wholesomeness of this wholeness even if we carry emotional wounds. (Breema operates at this level.)

At at a human level, even if parts of us are wounded, we have other parts that are not wounded. Some subpersonalities may be wounded or function as wounds, and other subpersonalities are often quite healthy.

Also, if we relate to our wounds in a healthy way, we have wounds but are not impacted by them in the same ways as if we identify with them and see ourselves as the wounds.

When I wrote this, I disregarded “soul” and substituted it with “who and what we are”.


In the previous post, Meister Eckhart talks about the soul.

That’s the soul?

To me, it’s something between our human self and the capacity for the world that we also are. It’s a kind of link or bridge or intermediary.

Maybe we can call it a kind of subtle body? Maybe it’s what we identify with and as between lives? Also, I suspect there are many subtle bodies or levels to these bodies that continue when this physical body dies, so is the soul all or some of these?

In either case, it’s not what we ultimately are. We are capacity for all our experiences and the soul is also an experience. It’s something that happens within and as what we are, like our human self and the wider physical world and also any ideas about a me, I, doer, observer and so on.


Why all the ethical guidelines in religions or spiritual traditions?

One reason is social regulation. Religion traditionally has had strong influence in society and they have used that to regulate society. Some of this is for the benefit of society as a whole. And some has been used for control and maintaining power.

At an individual level, it can help us to not get into as much trouble and distractions.

For spiritual practitioners, it helps us notice when we are out of alignment with the ethical guidelines and we can explore what is happening. Does the guideline make sense and I am out of alignment with it because of my own fearful beliefs and emotional issues? Or do I find myself in a situation where what’s more kind and wise is to bend the guidelines a bit? (Most often, it’s the first.)


To continue the theme from the previous post, why be kind to others?

One answer is that the way we treat others is generally how people in our life treats us. If we are kind to those around us, it’s more likely they’ll be kind to us.

Another is that the way we treat others is how we treat ourselves. To us, other people represent parts of us, or the other way around, and we tend to treat the others as we treat corresponding parts of ourselves. So kindness to others helps us find the same kindness in how we relate to parts of ourselves.

Yet another is that we are capacity for it all. It’s all – other people, the world, ourselves – happening within and as what we are. So why not treat it all with some kindness?

This kindness doesn’t have to be a stupid kindness. It can be a gentle and firm kindness. A kindness mixed in with whatever else is needed for it to be really kind. Not just superficially kind.


I sometimes notice a weird buzzing in my system and it’s quite uncomfortable when it happens. It seems to happen ever few weeks.

In Vortex Healing, there is a way to integrate the nadis and nervous system. And when I do this, this buzzing often calms down and goes away.

The main Vortex healing teacher, Ric W., says that the awakening process can cause the nadis (a type of energy channels) and nervous system to get out of alignment or synch with each other, and this can lead to the uncomfortable buzzing. And that seems accurate to me.


I am currently doing another 40-day gratitude practice. This is of the all-inclusive type where we include everything, both what we feel grateful for and what we don’t.

In my experience, this opens my mind – and heart – to my life as it is. It opens the possibility for me that there is something to be grateful for in whatever is happening. It shifts how I relate to my life.

But isn’t this faking it? Why would I write “I am grateful for [something terrible]”?

At a human level, it’s not faking it if I take it as an experiment. Perhaps there is something here to be genuinely grateful for?

In the bigger picture, this is also not faking it. As capacity for the world, all my experiences happens within and as what I am. They are, in that sense, equal. They are not other. They show me the creativity inherent in mind or existence, or even – if we want to take it that way – the divine. And there is a gratitude for this richness, creativity, and play of and within what I am.


What’s the difference between finding ourselves as capacity for the world and oneness?

Finding ourselves as capacity for the world is even a bit more basic and fundamental. It’s the nothing allowing the existence of anything and everything, including consciousness, awakeness, and experiences.

Oneness can be said to be when consciousness wakes up to itself as everything there is. It’s consciousness noticing all experiences – including of this human self and the wider world – as itself.

We can say that all experiences happens within and as oneness.

And oneness happens within and as the capacity.

In Christianity, they sometimes call capacity Godhead. That which is the origin of God.


We all have some idea of what freedom means in a conventional sense.

There are also some other freedoms that have to do with healing and awakening.

Any time we are caught in reacting to an emotional issue, we lack some freedom. When a situation triggers the issue, we feel compelled to react in a certain way. We are caught up in it.

When we can relate to the issue more consciously, and also if the emotional issue is more healed, we have more freedom in how we relate to it and the situation triggering it.

Similarly, when we are caught in separation consciousness, there is a certain lack of freedom. We are caught in wanting some situations and experiences and avoiding other situations and experiences. We tend to be caught in struggle. We are caught in reactiveness.

To the extent there is a more thorough realization of what we are and oneness, there is again more freedom. We can relate to situations more intentionally and less from reactivity. We can respond more than react.

And as Adyashanti says, when we notice that any experience happens within and as what we are, we are more free to allow what’s here. We notice more easily it’s already allowed. And whatever it triggers in us, if anything, is equally allowed.

This freedom is more a freedom to allow our experience as it is than it is a freedom from anything in particular.


It’s not wrong that the “outer world” reflects the “inner”. It’s an important and helpful insight.

At the same time, there is a more essential layer to this that gives it a slightly different context.

It’s all happening within and as what we are. What mind may call “outer” and “inner” all happens within and as what we are.

And our interpretations and understandings of all of it – the “outer” as well as the “inner” – comes from an overlay of mental images and stories.

For it to appear that the “outer” reflects the “inner”, there has to be an additional assumption – of a boundary between the two and that that boundary somehow means something fundamental or is some fundamental reality. When that’s in place, we can talk about an outer world and an inner world and that one reflects the other. But it takes several steps to get there.

When that happens, we can say that the outer world appears a certain way to us because of our stories and interpretations of it. And that’s also true of the inner world.

And we can say that we may see qualities and characteristics in the outer world because we know them from ourselves. When we don’t acknowledge some of them in ourselves, because they don’t fit with the image we are trying to maintain about ourselves, we tend to see it only out in the world and in others and there is an emotional charge to it. We blindly project. We don’t realize or acknowledge what’s going on.

So we may notice it’s all happening within and as us. It’s all – in a sense – what we are. All our interpretations and stories happen within our own mental field. And whatever qualities and characteristics we see anywhere are something we can find in ourselves as what we are, as capacity for the world, and as who we are, as a human being in the world. It happens within and as us. And we can find ways that we live it in our own human life.

And we sometimes we see characteristics and dynamics in the “outer” and not the “inner” or the other way around because of wanting to uphold certain identities and beliefs. And it’s good to be aware of this and know some ways of working with it.

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