Brief notes on healing and awakening and occasional personal things X

This is one in a series of posts with brief notes on healing, awakening, and personal things. These are more spontaneous and less comprehensive than the regular articles. Some may be a little on the rant side. And some may be made into a regular article in time.


The ego is a name for what comes from holding a thought as true. It’s the perceptions, thoughts, emotions, and actions that come when a thought is held as true.

Some talk about the “ego” as opposed to the divine. Some see it as something standing in way of finding or meeting the divine or awakening. Some even use a war metaphor for talking about the “ego”: it needs to be conquered and so on.

I understand where it comes from. Taking thoughts as true is what brings identification with particular content of experience and makes it difficult for us to notice what we are. It makes it more difficult to find ourselves as capacity for this human self and the wider world and all our experience.

At the same time, seeing it as a problem or even something that needs to be changed is part of that dynamic. It sets up the perception of a duality that’s not so helpful. These are ideas that come from separation consciousness and although they may be useful at a certain phase of the process, they also tend to reinforce separation consciousness.

We can say that they are half-true so they are half-useful. At most, they are useful as a stepping stone early on in the process. (And not really necessary even then.)

So what’s a more helpful way of looking at it?

Why not look at it more from within a oneness context? Or the context of all as the divine and the play of the divine? Or just in a more finely-grained way?

First, it’s helpful to drop the idea of “ego”. It’s much more dynamic and less of a thing than that.

Then, why not meet the parts of us that operate from separation consciousness? Why not get to know them? Explore? Listen to what they have to say? Thank them for protecting us? Find a genuine love for them?

Finally, through different forms of noticing and explorations, we may discover more about these dynamics that happen when the mind holds a thought as true. We may discover they come from innocence. They come from a wish to protect our human self. They and understandable and natural. They are universal. They happen within and as what we are. 

At a human level, they come from love. They are a way for our mind to protect our human self. And as what we are, they are what we are. They are love. 

They are not an obstacle. They are not a problem. Yes, they create suffering. And yet, it’s innocent. From the context of what we are, it looks different. There is a natural forgiveness. A natural relaxation. 

A natural welcoming of whatever parts of us still live in suffering and operate from within separation consciousness. A natural welcoming of them as always having been what we are – as human beings and capacity for the world. 

Click READ MORE to see more of these brief notes.

JUNE 8, 2020


We can have compassion, empathy, and understanding for someone, and still do whatever we can to prevent harm from the behaviors from that person.

For instance, we can see Trump as having deep trauma and acting in the way he does to deal with the pain of that trauma. We can realize the immense suffering he likely lives with, and that his behavior damages himself more than anyone around him because he is the one person who has to live with it 24/7. We can have empathy, compassion, and understanding for him.

At the same time, his words and actions are damaging to others, to the US as a whole, and potentially to the whole world. So we can do what we can to reduce this harm. Speak up about it. Shine a light on it. Support more humane policies. Support political alternatives. Vote for someone else.

One does not preclude the other. We don’t need to demonize him to act. And we don’t need to be passive even if we have compassion and understanding for him.

On the contrary, one tends to support the other. Compassion and empathy frees us to act more from our own clarity, kindness, and insights. (And less from reactivity.) And acting and being engaged can help us deepen our empathy and compassion.


[Made into regular post]


Of course, the idea of “deserve” is a human idea. It’s something we can only find in our own mental field. It’s not inherent in reality.

And even within the idea of deserving, the question doesn’t really apply.

There isn’t really anything we as humans can do to “deserve” it. We can invite it in, but that’s about it. We don’t really ever “deserve” it. And awakening doesn’t hinge on “deserving” it or not.

At the same time, as what we are, we “deserve” it because it’s what we are. It’s just a noticing of what we already are. It’s what we are noticing itself and all experiences – including of this human self and the wider world – as itself.

So the question doesn’t really apply because the idea of deserving anything only exists in our own mental field. It doesn’t apply because we, as humans, can never “deserve” it and it doesn’t have any bearing on awakening whether we “deserve” it or not. And as what we are, the question doesn’t apply since awakening is just a noticing of what we already are.

Don’t worry about it. And if you do, examine where the ideas of deserving comes from. Your parents? Culture? Religion? Get to know the part of you that worries about deserving or not. Give it your presence and love. Examine the stressful stories behind it and find what’s more true.

JUNE 9, 2020


Over the last couple of weeks, I have worked with what I label survival fear. It’s a feeling in my heart, it has the flavor of terror, and the image that comes up is of being an antelope eaten alive by lions.

The sensations are not so strong. And when most other old issues come up with a similar strength, they seem much less intense.

It’s been interesting – and a privilege (!) – to get to know this part of me. It seems very old. Very primal. And I have run away as fast as I can in the past when it has come up. This time, I feel I have gotten to know it better. We have a somewhat easier relationship.


I was writing about living with fatigue and following our body, and the lyrics of the song I was listening to said:

Move with the rhythm of life and everything is gonna be good

– Feel Sexy, Kojato & Tina Lux


Often, people who receive Vortex Healing notice a significant difference before and after.

And sometimes, people will say I feel good but the healing didn’t do anything.

I just received a Vortex Healing system for my energy system, and I noticed that in myself. I noticed I felt good after the healing, but couldn’t really put my finger on what the healing had done for me. I just felt normally good. It almost seemed that the healing hadn’t done anything.

After looking a little closer, I remembered that before the healing session I had actually felt pretty terrible. My body felt off, and my mood and mind felt a bit off as well.

I imagine this is not uncommon. We feel normally good after a healing session of some kind, and may or may not remember how we felt before the session. That’s why some healers and therapists have their clients rate how they are on whatever they want to work on before and after a session or a series of sessions so they can more easily see the change.


I have enjoyed reading and listening to Lorna Byrne’s books, and I also follow her on social media. What she puts out on social media is very simple, and I imagine it’s easy to dismiss. It may seem too simple, or too obvious. And yet, the simple can be profound. If we actually apply it to our lives, it can have a major impact and transformation for us and how we live.


Any emotional issue comes with a body contraction. (The story creating the issue gives a sense of meaning to the contraction, and the contraction gives a sense of reality and substance – and truth – to the story.)

It’s easy to see this contraction as “other” and as if we see it from the outside. We approach it a a thing that’s not who or what we are.

There is nothing wrong in this, but if we explore these contractions there is another approach that can be helpful.

And that is to remind ourselves that what’s inside the contraction is the divine, and the contraction itself is the divine.

When I remind myself of this, there is a shift. Something opens up. Often, there is a transformation that happens much faster.

Why? I assume because it’s closer to reality.

It’s not wrong that the contraction is seen as “other”. It is, in a sense. To the one we identify as, it’s other and a bit foreign. And even if we notice that we are capacity for the world as it appears to us, we may still have the thought that these contractions are “other”.

And yet, the reality is that these contractions are not only part of who we are. They are what we are. They are consciousness. They are the divine.

They are expressions of the creativity of consciousness.

They are the divine expressing, exploring, and experiencing itself locally and temporarily as that contraction. And noticing that allows for an amazing transformation.


In our culture, youth is adored and old age is seen as an unfortunate effect of living beyond youth.

It seems that most traditional societies value – or at least respect – age over youth. I am not sure when this changed in our culture. Maybe last part of the 1800s and first part of the 1900s? (I am guessing based on my impressions from literature etc.)

Perhaps it makes sense. In most traditional cultures, there is little change so the older we are the more valuable knowledge and experience we tend to have. In contrast, our modern society changes fast and younger people tend to pick up on new trends faster, so – in a sense – youth has the edge.

This is also a reflection of our culture valuing technology over most other things, including wisdom and life experience. It’s not that wisdom and life experience is not valued, but it’s more an afterthought and more peripheral to the focus on technology.

If there is a shift into a more life-centered civilization and culture, I assume this too will be balanced. There will have to be more of a balance between valuing youth and technology, and older age and life wisdom and experience.

Of course, not all older people are paragons of wisdom and life experience. Some work hard on staying smaller minded through their life. But, in general, as people get older they tend to soften their edges, look at things from a bigger perspective, and gain some wisdom through experience.


I have had sound sensitivity and misophonia since I was a kid. Back then, mostly when people would eat with open mouth. And now, more with machine noise.

Misophonia isn’t very well understood. Personally, I notice it gets worse when I am stressed, feel more drained, and have trauma come up in my system, and it gets less noticeable when I am more relaxed, content, and rested. This is no surprise since stress and trauma tends to activate the flight-fight response and that, in turn, makes our system a bit more “on edge” and heightens our sensitivity to sensory inputs.

I notice this also when I receive Vortex Healing, from myself or someone else. Energizing my system with Vortex Healing is the fastest way to feel more relaxed and comfortable. And also nurturing my system and releasing conditioning out of my nervous system helps a lot. All of this reduces the sound sensitivity noticeably.

JUNE 11, 2020


I am in London. The streets are relatively empty and I enjoy exploring the combination of the old and new. The places and the exploration has a rich quality. (Part one.)

My partner is here and we have a horse. It’s a dark brown horse and it’s very affectionate towards me. We decide to take it back to where we are staying and put it lying down in our small car. I have to sit facing the wrong direction and without seat belt, so I try to avoid being seen by police officers. (They are unable to see the horse since it’s dark.) (Part two.)

I don’t know what to make of this dream. The streets have an old-new and rich feel to them. It’s the type of place I love, also in waking life. I don’t know why we have a horse, especially since we are just visiting. And I don’t know why we wanted to take it to the place we are staying.

I assume the horse has to do with some more animal parts of me, connected with the body. It loves me and I obviously love it and want to take care of it. But doing so involves something I could get slightly in trouble for.


A: I am too passionate. I say that this is the most delicious ice cream ever and similar things.

P: It is the most delicious ice cream ever because all the other ice creams you have had is just a memory while this one is real. There is some truth to it, so it’s a matter of being clear on how it’s true.


One of the first things we do in a regular Vortex Healing session is to energize the system, and sometimes we can spend one or more full sessions on energizing the system.

Why? Because an energized system is better able to deal with and resolve emotional and physical issues, and it’s also better able to receive and make use of additional healing for more specific issues.

One thing that surprised me when I first was introduced to Vortex Healing was that energizing my system helped me relax and sleep better. But it makes sense. A system struggling with low energy tends to go into survival mode and be more alert and high-strung. When the energy is better, it can relax because it has what it needs to better deal with whatever is needed in life.


Anything you can see you can work on.

Anything you work on can change.

This is from a conversation yesterday and it was specifically about emotional issues but it also applies to many things in the wider world.

As usual, there is a lot more to say about this. For instance, it may seem obvious. And yet, it’s a medicine for a particular condition. And that’s the condition of hopelessness we can experience when we notice issues in ourselves – perhaps they seem entrenched, scary, or we may not even know where to start.

Also, the words “working on” often means inviting in change, setting the stage for change, creating the right conditions for change.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.