Sebastian Blaksley: tenderness is justified under all circumstances

The message of Christ was “that tenderness is justified under all circumstances… there is never reason to disconnect from the sweetness of your heart.”

– Sebastian Blaksley, Choose Only Love V

Even the simplest pointer has a lot of complexity in it, and this one is no exception.

Tenderness is justified under all circumstances

When someone acts in a harmful way, they do so out of ignorance or in reaction to their own pain, and usually from a combination of the two. And they suffer from it, whether they notice or not.

And if a situation goes in a different direction than we wanted, it’s not personal. It’s life.

In both situations, it’s far more comfortable to keep a tender heart. It’s more healing for ourselves and sometimes others. And it tends to come with some receptivity and clarity so it’s easier to make better choices.

Why don’t we always live with a tender heart?

If our heart closes down, it’s typically for two related reasons.

We don’t see the situations very clearly, and our own hangups and wounds are triggered. We close our heart as a reaction to fear in us, and we react because this fear looks scary since it’s unloved and unexamined.

Tender heart and action

We can have a tender heart and also act decisively when that seems appropriate. One doesn’t exclude the other.

Supporting a tender heart

We can support a tender heart in many different ways. For instance, through heart-centered practices, insights & inquiry, healing how we relate to ourselves and the world, and inviting in healing for wounded parts of us.

Supporting a tender heart through healing

We won’t live with a tender heart in all circumstances.

When I notice that my heart is shutting down, I can ask myself some questions. How is it to meet myself with kindness? How is it to meet this pain in me with kindness?

When we notice our heart closing in a particular situation, we can use this to identify which wounds were triggered in us and, perhaps later, invite in healing for these.

Typically, when our heart closes, it’s a way for our system to protect itself. It comes from a wish to protect this human being, it’s ultimately innocent, and it’s a form of love. As mentioned above, it’s typically a reaction to fear in us that looks scary because it’s – so far – unloved and unexamined.

So this is another way to support a tender heart: inviting in healing for how we relate to ourselves, our own wounds, and the world. And invite healing for the wounds themselves.

  • tender heart – better for us and others, more healing, more receptivity and clarity



Even the simplest pointer has a lot of complexity in it, and this one is no exception.

What it points to is true. If there is awakening here AND all the different parts of our human self are healed and aligned with this awakening, then – yes – we can live with a tender heart in all circumstances.

When we connect with and speak from Big Heart, we see that this is a part of what we already are. It’s just covered up when we get caught up in beliefs, identities, wounds, and so on.

And we can certainly move in this direction, especially through heart-centered practices.

At the same time, most of us are guaranteed to not be able to do this at all times and in all circumstances. We are human. We have all sorts of hangups and reactivity to unloved fear in ourselves. It’s completely natural and understandable.

So what’s a practical approach to working with this pointer?

We can engage in heart-centered practices. For me, it’s often ho’oponopno, tonglen, metta, Christ meditation, and heart prayer.

And we can notice when our heart is not tender. What’s the situation and the trigger? What in us is triggered? What’s the unexamined and unloved fear in me that I react to by closing my heart?

How we approach these types of pointers

This pointer points to something real and creates a contrast to how most of us live our lives.

It’s not a helpful pointer if we try to live up to it as some moral imperative. If we do, we are likely doomed to failure.

And it can be a very helpful pointer if we approach it in a pragmatic way, as outlined above. If we do, we may find ourselves naturally move in the direction of the pointer, even if that’s not really the point.

Why does the quote resonate with us, if it does?

It may resonate with what we have learned from Christianity or another religion, and it may resonate with a wish to be a good boy/girl and – through that – being safe.

It may also resonate with a knowing in us. We already are Big Heart. We have access to it. We can, to some extent, live from it, and most of us do now and then. It resonates because it’s what we already are, although often covered up by all sorts of hangups and issues.

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