Dream: I didn’t speak up

I am on a kind of cruise in the antartic and I am one of the guests at a big party or event. At the entrance, a woman hands me a very expensive glass goblet with precious stones and metals, tells me to do something specific to clean a film on the glass, and leaves. I realize she mistook me for someone else who must be an expert in those things, and I wasn’t quick enough to speak up. I walk around with the goblet, holding it very carefully, and ask a few people if they know how to clean it.

Eventually, something happens (I don’t remember what), a group of people are upset with me, and they put me on the ice. I am with our cat, Merlina, can’t see her, call her name, and she comes immediately. Friends of mine arrive in a small boat and rescue me, as I knew they would since they were scheduled to go on the ice.

This dream may reflect a few dynamics in me.

A part of me feels I am not good enough. I am not good enough for a certain company, even if they may not see it that way. In this case, I felt the fancy guests at that party were out of my league, and they did end up throwing me off the boat. (I can’t remember exactly why.)

This ties into the imposter syndrome, which I certainly sometimes experience. I have taken actions to avoid getting in situations where I may feel like an imposter, by saying no to a lot of opportunities in life. I have also said no to opportunities that would bring me into groups I feel is out of my league.

It also ties into sometimes feeling like an outsider as a kid, and not cool enough for the cool kids. I was always a bit weird and eccentric and passionate about a wide range of things the other kids were not so interested in. (Nature, making things, parapsychology, UFOs, and so on.)

I have a pattern of not always speaking up. If people make assumptions and seem very certain they got it right, I sometimes don’t bother speaking up. This is unfair to me and them, and sometimes (unnecessarily) gets me into situations that don’t feel right. Also, when the person later finds out they made wrong assumptions, they may get upset.

When I don’t speak up, I am doing a disservice to everyone. In the dream, I felt a bit like a criminal for not speaking up, and I was concerned someone would think I wanted to steal the goblet. (I was just trying to clean it, as I was asked to do.) Even if I don’t remember the details, my sense is I got thrown off the ship for reasons related to this.

As a kid, I learned it wasn’t always safe – or desired – for me to speak up. I’ll speak up if people ask me, but if someone makes assumptions without asking, I may not always speak up. It’s good for me to make a practice of speaking up in these situations, even – or perhaps especially – if the topic may not always seem so important.

And yet another is that my friends were there. I have support. I knew they would come and they did. This may reflect inner support, and it’s something I have explored over the years, and more recently through the befriend & awaken process.

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