But to those of you who will listen, I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.
– Luke 6:27-28, The New Testament
But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven.
– Matthew 5: 44-45, The New Testament
Then Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”
– Luke 23:34, The New Testament
If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat, and if he is thirsty, give him water to drink.
– Proverbs 25:21, The Bible
A RADICAL POINTER
Pray for your enemies. Love your enemies.
This is a radical pointer in many ways. It goes against what culture and society often teaches us.
And I also find it’s profoundly transforming as I explore it and apply it to my life.
IT REQUIRES HEALTHY BOUNDARIES
One of the things our culture teaches us is that we should avoid or punish our enemies, and that kindness can hurt us. That is true if we mistake kindness and love with having poor boundaries.
One of the upsides of exploring to forgive and love our enemies is that it requires us to have healthy boundaries.
We can love our “enemies” and still be good stewards of our own life, have healthy boundaries, prevent harm to others, hold people accountable for their actions, and so on.
I’ll get back to these fears later.
WHO OR WHAT IS MY ENEMY?
Who or what is my enemy?
The obvious example is another human being or a being of some kind.
And it goes beyond this. I find that just about anything can be made into an enemy in my mind. I can secretly, or not so secretly, hold any situation or part of myself or my experience as an enemy.
WHERE DO I START?
Where do I start in this process?
The simplest is to find understanding for them. What in their background explains their views, feelings, and behavior? Often, hurt people hurt people.
The more I find myself in them, and them in myself, the more I see that we are in the same boat.
I can take any statement I have about them, turn it around to be about myself, and find specific and genuine examples of how and when it’s true. It won’t look the same, but the essence will be the same. This is a sobering exploration and it gives understanding and a sense of being in the same boat.
This also goes for parts of me. If they are reactive or compulsive, it’s because they are like scared or hurt animals or children. They are confused. I also find that they are here for me. They want to protect me, even if the way they sometimes go about it can create trouble. They come from confused love.
HOW DO I PRAY FOR MY ENEMIES?
How do I pray for my enemies?
The simplest and most direct is a prayer of well wishing, to pray for all the best for them. This especially applies to living beings my mind holds as an enemy.
I also find that a more structured approach can be helpful. It offers additional guidance and support for my attention.
I especially like ho’oponopono and tonglen, and there are also similar approaches like Metta from Buddhism. These work equally well for external enemies as with myself as a whole and parts of me.
EXPLORING MY OWN ENEMY IMAGES
I also identify and explore the parts of me holding something as an enemy. Often through dialog, inquiry, or a befriending process.
For instance, I can use Voice Dialog or the Big Mind process. I can explore it with The Work of Byron Katie or the Kiloby Inquiries (sense field explorations). I can notice and allow, telling it that it can stay for as long as it wants, thank it for protecting me, and thank it for its love for me.
I have written about this in other articles so won’t go into details here.
NOTICE WHAT IT BRINGS UP IN ME
Engaging in these explorations sometimes brings up fears, beliefs, and contractions in me.
I get to see what in me is not onboard with wishing the best for my perceived enemy.
And I can then get to know these, including through the same approaches as I mentioned above: dialog, inquiry, or a heart-centered practice like ho’o or tonglen.
I can help these contractions in me to relax, feel met and understood, and maybe align with what’s more true.
IT HEALS MY RELATIONSHIPS
Why would I pray for my enemy? Why would I find love for them?
In general, it helps society function better. The more we can find genuine understanding and well-wishing for others, while maintaining or developing healthy boundaries, the better society tends to function.
I also find that it heals my relationship with others and the world. Finding genuine love, compassion, and well-wishing for others, and finding more peace with challenging situations, helps me heal my relationship with others and the world.
It heals my relationship with myself and my experiences. How I relate to others and the world is how I relate to parts of myself and my experience. The more I heal my relationship with the world, the more I heal my relationship with myself.
Ultimately, this process helps me align more with reality.
AN EXPERIMENT
All of this is something to try out for ourselves.
What happens? What does it bring up in me? How does it change over time?
A NOTE AUGUST 2026
It’s August 2026 and I happened upon this among the many articles that are more or less complete and still unpublished. I have five thousand articles as drafts. I did a bit of cleanup before publishing it, and I see I would have organized and written it differently now.
I also had an interesting experience in being on the receiving end of these pointers. I see that they are for me now. What I wrote five years ago is for me in this moment. I had gone into some enemy images last night, and now get to explore and apply what I write about here!
I am taking some time to find understanding for someone in my life. (He is trying to do his best, and is a little clunky in doing it.) Wish the best for him, and find where it’s genuine. And also notice that the contraction in me comes from fear, a wish to protect me, and love for me. I may do tonglen later.
OUTLINE
- pray for your enemies
- profoundly transforming pointer, if applied
- what it doesn’t mean
- to allow people to do what they want, harm others, be a doormat, etc.
- what is meant by enemy?
- conventional sense, in the world
- also, anything I secretly or openly see as an enemy
- situations, parts of my experience, parts of myself
- heals my relationship with society
- understood in conventional sense
- a guideline that helps society function better
- treat others as I wish to be treated
- act in the way I wish society to function
- also, gives me sympathy and good will
- helps me in my relationship w. society + may help society itself in a small way
- heals my relationship with the world
- heals my images of the world, the world as it appears to me
- the world is my mirror, so heals my relationship w. myself, w. the parts of me reflected in these people and situations in the world
- the world as it appears to me, happens within and as what I am, so heals my relationship with myself
- when pray for my “enemies” in the world, shifts how I relate to the world and myself
- more clear, kind, assertive, free to do what seems right or the best in the situation
- more options are open, can see things not available to me when I am caught up in reactivity
- less caught up in reactivity, less blinded by reactivity,
- heals my relationship with myself
- indirectly by praying for others in the world
- directly when I apply it directly to myself, either through prayer or a prayer-like approach
- heal my relationships w. what I see as an “enemy” in myself, my experience, my life, my history, my imagined future etc.
- befriend & awaken, get to know, listen to, find love for, wish the best for, invite in healing + awakening, etc.
- the bigger picture
- to see something as an enemy is out of alignment with reality, with what we are
- psychological view
- to me, the world happens within and as what I am
- also, in another sense, the world is my mirror, what I see out there mirror sides of myself, whatever story I have about something out there also fits me,
- spiritual view
- all is the divine, when see as an enemy, don’t recognize it as the divine
- an expression of the divine, the divine locally taking that form, experiencing itself as that
- how to pray for your enemies
- prayer – sincerely ask for the best for them, for their healing and awakening
- tonglen, ho’o
- befriend + awaken, my own contractions
- notice what in me holds back, doesn’t want to do it
- comes from an unexamined fearful story, an unloved part of me
- befriend this part of me
- meet w. tonglen, ho’o, prayer asking for healing/awakening for that part of me
- find and examine stressful beliefs
- meet as a contraction, befriend and awaken, recognize as a flavor of the divine
- What I find helpful
- ho’o, tonglen, inquiry
- befriend & awaken (contractions)
- helps heal + align w. reality + live from it
- be gentle with yourself
- see it as an exploration
- no need to make this into another “should”
- or to make “lapses” into an enemy
- if notice, then befriend that too
- ….
DRAFT FRAGMENTS
How it works: Pray for your enemies
….
(Ho’o is to say “I am sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you.” to the person or situation or part of ourselves. Tonglen involves a visualization.)
…..
Since the world is my mirror, I heal my relationship with parts of myself when I heal my relationship with someone or something in the world.
….
This is a profoundly transforming pointer if we apply it and do so with a bit of skill.
….
First, it may be good to say a few words about what it doesn’t mean.
It doesn’t mean to be a doormat. It doesn’t mean to allow people to treat us or others in harmful ways.
……
INITIAL NOTES
Pray for your enemies
People
Situations
Contractions
Parts of myself in general
Pray for your enemies
For your own sake
For what it does for me
Shifts how I relate to them, and how I relate to my own reactivity to them
Enemy – anything I think it’s wrong, bad, see as anything but the divine and love
People, situations etc.
Don’t need to like it, still have preferences, still make choices, still deal with things and my life