Brief notes on healing and awakening and occasional personal things – vol. 33

This is one in a series of posts with brief notes on healing, awakening, and personal things. These are more spontaneous and less comprehensive than the regular articles. Some may be made into a regular article in time.


Freud is often seen as old-fashioned and perhaps even outdated by many today.

And yet, the essence of Freud’s ideas is still very much valid and informative.

A lot of who we are and what we operate from is not conscious to us. What we are aware of is just the very tip of the iceberg.

We tend to internalize cultural ideas and shoulds, and use these to guide ourselves even if it sometimes goes against our authenticity and what we feel we more genuinely want. (Over ego, or “superego” in the weird terminology of the English translators of Freud.)

We disown parts of who we are (our psyche), and see them as “other” or “it”. Often, we see this in others and won’t admit to it in ourselves because it doesn’t fit our familiar or desired image of ourselves. (The “it” or “id”.)

It can be helpful to bring some of this into consciousness. It can help us relate to it more consciously. It can help us find more peace with it. And, if we allow, it can invite in healing of certain parts of us.


There is a bigger picture for conflicts and disagreements, and just about any social interactions.

And it’s the usual things I write about here.

At a human level, others are a mirror for me. I can take any story I have about them, turn it around to myself, and find specific and genuine examples of how it’s true. Usually, I can find examples from the moment I have the thought about others, and I can find examples from my past.

As what I am in my own first-person experience, I can capacity for the world as it appears to me. I am capacity for those human beings and this human being and anything else happening. It’s all happening within and as what I am. In my own first-person experience, there is no fundamental I or Other anywhere.

We can also look at this from the view of the universe, evolution, and society.

At a social level, we need different views, orientations, and life experiences. We need all of it to get a bigger picture of ourselves, how we can respond to challenges, and where we want to go as a society and humanity.

In the context of evolution, we find the same. We are different because it helps our collective survival. It has in the past. And, if we are smart, it will do so now.

From the view of the universe, all of this is existence and the universe exploring, expressing, and experiencing itself in always new ways. All the different human experiences and views and orientations are the universe, locally, having these experiences, views, and orientations.

From the view of the divine, it’s all the play of the divine. It’s the divine expressing, exploring, and experiencing itself in all of these ways. It’s all new. It’s fresh. It’s different.


The pandemic reveals irrational thinking in different ways.

Here are a couple of examples I have seen a few times:

Some read articles in less-than-reputable online journals, written by people with zero credentials in the field, and take it as solid information. Some do the same with one or a few people who have credentials, while the vast majority of other experts have a different view. (In any field, there will be individuals with different views than the mainstream. That’s normal and to be expected, and it doesn’t mean they are right. Most of the time, they are not.)

Some say “it’s a violation of my human rights” on the topic of vaccines and mask-wearing. Nobody is forcing you to take the vaccine, so it’s clearly not a violation of human rights. The ones enforcing vaccine passports are in their full right to do so. And wearing a mask is literally the least we can do and doesn’t harm anyone.

Civilization is built on rules and privileges. We already accept a lot of laws and rules, including wearing a seat belt, not driving drunk, and so on. So why not accept masks and vaccines? There is no categorical difference between what you already accept and what you now refuse. The only difference is that you are used to most of it and take it for granted, and the vaccine and masks are new to you so you chose to focus on those.


I suspect one of the dynamics behind the wellness world’s antipathy towards science, vaccines, and mask-wearing is an outsider identity. Many folks interested in alternative things see themselves as outsiders, and opposing common-sense measures adopted by the mainstream fit their outsider identity.

I have been in this alternative / wellness world my whole adult life, so this is my mainstream. When I follow the mainstream measures in these areas, it’s not only because it’s science, common sense, and the best course of action when we look at history and epidemiology. It’s also because this, for me, fits my outsider identity.

If my mainstream is the alternative world, following the mainstream makes me an outsider. And it’s comfortable since I too feel some comfort with the outsider identity.


There are many essential points made by people in the anti-science world (anti-vaccines, anti-mask-wearing) and conspiracy world I agree with.

A lot of it is obvious: Corporations are all about profits, not helping people. Corporations often have a very strong influence on policies. Science is often used by corporations for profits, and sometimes in ways that are clearly not ethical. Media is often owned by the same corporations. Some have very serious reactions to vaccines. Vaccines are not 100% reliable in terms of preventing infection or serious illness. And so on.

All of that is valid and what any reasonably well-informed young teenager knows.

And yet, I don’t agree with the conclusions.

For me, the problems and solutions are systemic.

It’s not about secret groups of people. It’s not about some grand plan. What we are seeing in the world today is a natural consequence of the systems we function within. You and I and any average person living within these systems are part of the problem just because we function within these systems.

And it’s not about throwing the baby out with the bathwater. Yes, there are serious problems in our corporate-run world. And that doesn’t mean we need to throw it all out. Vaccines and mask-wearing, and other common-sense pandemic measures are still very valuable. They still help prevent hospitals from overflowing, they still prevent some illness and death, they still prevent some getting long-term effects of the infection, and so on.

What we need is a deep systemic change. We need an economic system that takes ecological realities into account. We need systems that are aimed at supporting all of life and not just a segment of the human population.

That’s not easy. It won’t happen until people recognize the systemic problems and recognize systems change as a solution. And that may never happen.

That said, conspiracy theories and anti-science attitudes are certainly not the solution. It’s as much part of the problem as neoliberal capitalism and the way our corporate-run world functions today.

It’s a misidentification of the problem. It’s a distraction from the far more serious problems in the world today we all already agree on. (Ecological crisis, poverty, too much corporate influence, and so on.) And it’s a distraction from the systemic nature of these problems and their solution.


Everything we are, the universe is.

We are the local ears, eyes, thoughts, and feelings of the universe.

The universe has formed itself into everything we are and know and much more.

The creativity, intelligence, compassion, and so on that we are and experience was always there as a potential in the universe and existence, and has formed itself in this way through and as us and our lives.


For me, there is a very simple way to look at the vaccine and masks.

If taking the vaccine and wearing a mask has even the smallest chance of preventing long-covid in someone else, I’ll happily do both. And since that’s the case, I happily have done and am doing both.


I have never quite understood why some seem to seek awakening because they think it will give them freedom.

What kind of freedom do they think it will give them?

I understand that some, who have an issue around not feeling free, create a fantasy around awakening and freedom. It’s a kind of wishful thinking.

And I also understand that awakening can and does fuel a process of deep and profound healing at a human level. Although this process can be anything but gentle and is often not very comfortable, it does give a certain type of freedom – from being caught up in issues and so on.

As Adya says, awakening is mostly freedom to more consciously allow what’s here as it is, and to experience whatever we are experiencing. It’s a freedom to experience the full range of human states and experiences, from heaven to hell.

Awakening itself has little to nothing to do with freedom. If anything, we are released from the idea of a separate self that’s free or not (apart from in the most conventional sense). We recognize that what’s here, what this human self is and does and experiences, is the local manifestation of the movements within the whole.


Just like most people, I am no one special.

I had a relatively normal upbringing in a small town (Ski) in a small and mostly unremarkable country (Norway) and have had a relatively normal life so far.

What’s slightly unusual is perhaps the awakening shift that happened when I was 15-16 years old, and which revealed what I am still exploring and writing about here.

And that shift didn’t happen because I am someone special. I was an atheist, and perhaps a bit further along on the teenage angst scale than most. If anything, the shift happened because of a lot of psychological pressure at the time, and the “safety valve” in my case was shifting into awakening. (Instead of freezing further or going crazy or something else.)

If you met me now, you would think I am a relatively normal person although a bit shy. You wouldn’t think I was anyone special.

This is all at a conventional level.

In a more real sense, I am also not anyone special.

What’s here is the local expressions of movements within existence as a whole, just as it is for anyone and anything else.

Any insights, skills and any other characteristic is the local expression of the universe as a whole and existence as a whole. It’s far less personal than it may seem.

What I see in the world is a mirror of what’s here in me at a human level. The world is my mirror. (And what you see in me is a mirror of who you are.)

The world as it appears to me happens within and as what I am, just as I assume it is for you. (Whether you notice or not.) At this level, there is no separate self here. This human self happens within and as what I am, just as you do and anything else in the world.

At the same time, this human self is unique and different from any other being that has lived or will ever exist. And that characteristic of uniqueness is shared by all humans and all beings and everything that is. Everyone and everything is a unique local expression of existence as a whole. Uniqueness is universal and not at all unique.

It’s all valid. This human self is no one special. The world is my mirror, just as I am a mirror for you. The world happens within and as what I am, just as it – most likely – does for you whether you notice or not. And everyone and everything is a uniquely local expression of existence as a whole, and that uniqueness is universal.


I have worked on optimizing – clearing and energizing – my lungs over the last few days with Vortex Healing, and I notice a marked difference.

As usual when I work on specific organs in this way, I also notice some old emotions and issues surfacing. In this case, it seems to be old sadness and loneliness.

For instance, during the last two nights, I have half-awaken a few times during the night, and I notice these old emotions visiting my system. I remember feeling this way as a child, some of it seems still stored in my system, and it may be that working on my lungs is now releasing it and allowing it to pass through.


Some cite human rights when they refuse to take the vaccine or wear a mask.

For me, human responsibility is equally important.

I chose to take the vaccine and wear a mask because I want to be part of the solution and not the problem. I want to protect others. I want us all to move through the pandemic as fast as possible.

That’s my human responsibility.

Also, other people have their own human rights. It’s not just for me. They have the right to expect me to do my part. They have the right to expect me to take the vaccine, wear a mask, and do whatever else I can to protect them.


I posted an article on social media about medical professionals going out against misinformation from Joe Rogan (podcaster). I received an angry comment calling it bullshit and not giving much more details.

Here is my response:

Experts in any field are allowed to point out misinformation.

They are allowed to ask certain platforms to remove it or attach a disclaimer, especially when the misinformation can have real-life consequences.

Spotify is a private company and they are allowed to remove anything they want. In this case, they paid Rogan a large sum of money to have exclusive rights to his podcast, and they are allowed to make another decision.

I and others are allowed to point out that it’s not very smart to get your information from non-experts on the internet. (Which seems obvious.)

I would add that in any field of science, there are people who have opinions and views that go against the mainstream. And although in a very few cases it turns out they are onto something, in the vast majority of cases they are not. They are just engaging in their own hangups.


I like to explore things from a variety of perspectives and especially the more unusual ones. I like to speak up for what’s unspoken and ignored. And I also have somewhat of an outsider identity and contrarian tendencies, although I always try to ground this in what’s reasonable.

For me, who has lived almost my whole adult life in the wellness culture and with spiritual groups, being an outsider means questioning many of the assumptions and views in these groups.

In general, my tendency is to point out and question any unquestioned assumptions in a group.

It doesn’t always make me popular. And these days, it means my views on the pandemic and the pandemic measures go contrary to many of the people I know.

To me, it seems that my view is founded on history, science, rationality, and compassion. And I am also aware that they somewhat tie into my outsider identity and contrarian tendencies.

In this case, it means being happy to question and have different views on the pandemic than many of my friends in the wellness and spiritual communities.

JANUARY 18, 2022


I have moved to a small town in Latin America, bought land here, and plan on engaging in regeneration and rewilding.

Earlier today, I talked with a local guy who is already doing that type of project here and has some experience to share with us.

And tonight, I talked with a friend in Oregon who – before I had mentioned any of this – started talking about an organization he is fascinated with and has donated to. He told me the name of the organization and the main guy, and it turned out to be the same local guy I talked with this morning.

This is one of many synchronicities and one that gives a bit of extra movement to what’s already happening.


To me, the world seems like a dream.

It’s as if I can put my hand right through anything.

And I have some guesses of why it appears that way.

The world as it appears to me – this human self, the wider world, and anything else – happens within and as what I am. It happens within and as what a thought may label consciousness.

That’s the same with dreams. They too happen within and as consciousness.

Does it appear different when the mind identifies as a human self, as something particular within the content of experience? Does the world appear more solid? I am not sure. It does seem that way since I have heard from several in an awakening process that they notice this dreamlike quality, and it seems different from how it was before.

From inquiry, I am familiar with how the sense of solidity of physical objects is created by the mind. Certain physical sensations combine with thoughts so the sensations lend a sense of reality, solidity, and truth to the thoughts, and the thoughts give meaning to the sensations. This is how the mind creates anything that seems unquestionably true, including the solidity of physical objects. (I am not saying anything about the nature of the physical world here, just how the mind is creating its experience of it.)


We just adopted an 8-9-year-old and 95% blind dog who turned out to have cancer.

He was abandoned in a mall we visited a few days ago, and was going to be left homeless, so we decided to adopt him. We were the obvious choice.

In general and to me, it makes the most sense to adopt the ones who need it the most.

For me, it’s at most a minor inconvenience that he has weak sight and that I have to make sure he received medical attention.

And for him, it means a world of difference.

Note: I know that in other situations, something else makes more sense. It all depends on our aim and situation.


Our conventional views often have built-in flaws. They don’t hold up under scrutiny.

And that’s a great gift. If we explore it with sincerity, we may even find our more fundamental nature.

For instance, this human self and the wider world are all part of the content of our experience. We tend to take ourselves to be this human self, and yet, this human self and anything associated with it are always changing. It’s changing in our immediate sensing, and it’s changing in our stories about it. In dreams, this content may even change even more dramatically than in waking life.

So it is what we most fundamentally are? Is it possible that’s what we most fundamentally are, in our own first-person experience? What do I find when I look more closely? What do I find if I take my immediate noticing more seriously?



When I write about many of the topics here, I try to be relatively precise and accurate.

Others use a more poetic and metaphorical approach to point at the same.

I appreciate both. Both are needed. Each one appeal to different people at different times. Each one gets to something the other may not.

And I also know that apparently precise language can be deceptive. Words are just pointers. Reality is more than and different from our stories about it, and also much simpler and less. If we think we “get it” at a story level, we don’t.

In that way, a more poetic and metaphorical language is more honest. It leaves more open. In a sense, it’s more precise.


There are several ways to talk about this topic.

We can talk about it conventionally.

If we are into spirituality, don’t get too distracted from what it’s really about.

It’s easy to get distracted by daily life, or spiritual teachers, teachings, or practices. It’s easy to get distracted by states and experiences. It’s easy to get distracted by ideas about saints, angels, past lives, and so on.

And that’s not what it’s about.

Don’t forget your relationship with God. Don’t forget how you are in the world. That’s what it is about.

We can also talk about it in a more accurate way.

The mind easily gets distracted by its content of experience – daily life, spiritual teachers and teachings, practices, ideas about how existence may be, states and experiences, and so on.

And really, the mind gets distracted by holding certain ideas as true and identifying as a part of its own content. Instead of noticing that it is what allows and forms itself into it’s experience of the world, It tells itself “I am this human self, and not the rest of the world”. It’s not wrong, and it’s not what it more fundamentally is to itself.

The content of experience is not the essence of what spirituality is about.

It’s about finding what we are to ourselves, in our own first-person experience. It’s about finding ourselves as capacity for the world as it appears to us, and what forms itself into our experience of the world – of this human self, the wider world and anything else. It’s about exploring how it is to live from this in daily life.

And if and when we get caught up in the content of our experience, that’s OK too. It’s natural. It’s innocent. It’s the divine exploring itself in that particular way. It’s part of the creativity of the mind.

The irony is that what we are looking for is already here. We just need to notice it.

It’s all already God and the divine. It’s all already what we are, that which is capacity for the world as it appears to us and forms itself into the world as it appears to us.





  • inqury into stressful beliefs, see through the stories
  • use methods that relies less on stories


  • return to god / home
    • easy to get distracted by content of experience
      • anything
      • in the world – food, relationships, work, career, drama,
      • in the spiritual world – angels, saints, teachers, teachings, koans, practices – understandable since function as stepping stones
      • and really, just distracted by taking ourselves to most fundamentally be something w/in content of experience
    • the essence
      • and good to remember what it’s really about
      • God / home
      • what allows it all, what forms itself into all
    • lila
      • all part of life/divine/mind exploring itself in always new ways

It’s easy to get distracted by our content of experience.

For most of us, our mind’s habit is to focus on its content of experience.

We may focus on tasks, work, food, relationships, drama, and so on.

If we are into spirituality, we may focus on teachers, teachings, practices, angels, saints, and so on.

And really, our mind is focused on thoughts it does its best to hold as true.

What does our mind distract us from?


In whatever we do or say, and just bybeing, we expose ourselves.

We expose our insights, hangups, shortcomings, and anything else.

We may not see it ourselves, and we inevitably largely cannot see it very clearly.

Others may just grasp glimpses and fragments of it.

And yet, it’s all there out for the whole world and all of existence to see.

We are inevitably and completely transparent.


Some folks like to assume subconscious motivations in others: You did Y, and it’s because you subconsciously want to X.

If we ask for it, and it’s framed as a gently held question, then it can be helpful.

For instance, in a therapy session, it can lead to explorations that can give insights.

But if we don’t ask for it. If there are far more obvious and simple explanations. And if it’s framed as a statement and not a question. It’s not very helpful.

It’s typically not helpful any time we are outside of a therapy session.


This is again very basic, and sometimes good to mention.

In a conventional sense, a feeling is sadness, anger, joy, frustration, and so on. And anything beyond that is a story.

If we say “I feel you don’t love me anymore” or “I feel you did this to damage our relationship”, then we mix up feelings and stories. Yes, there is probably a feeling there. And no, we don’t feel this. We have a story about this.

By mixing them up, we muddle the situation. And by learning to differentiate the two, we can more easily deal with what’s happening. We may notice a thought that the other person don’t love us anymore. We may notice sadness and fear coming from that thought. We may notice it’s more of a question that a statement. We may realize there may be other things going on. (For instance, the other may react to their own fearful stories, or it may be they don’t love some of our words and actions and it’s not that they don’t love us.) And we can more easily explore what’s going on with the other.

If we look more closely, we find that even sadness, anger, joy, and so on are stories. They are sensations that our thoughts put a label and story on and call those things. And often, we may find they are created by our stories. That differentiation is also helpful.


  • don’t like a behavior or something else specific
  • behavior is not = whole person, is a lot more + depends on circumstances + is room for change


When someone behaves a certain way, do we assume it has to do with the situation or the person?

Do we assume they’ll behave differently in other situations? Or that they will always behave that way?

And what do we mean by situation? Do we only mean the external situation? Or also the inner?



There are many obvious benefits to not being in the role of a spiritual teacher, and not being very well known.


When I am faced with anti-science / anti-vaccine / anti-mask views, I notice my mind often going to the “they are idiots” thought, and my mind can easily find support for that thought since their logic and data is often very obviously flawed.

Equally obviously, it’s a reaction and issue on my part.




I love many of the common things in the wellness world – healthy and traditional eating, herbal medicine, yoga, tai chi, and so on.

At the same time, it’s clear that not all is well within the wellness world.





  • see people go into wishful/magical thinking
  • to explain things that can be explained in a far more down-to-earth and pragmatic way



I keep seeing people talking about picking up feelings that are not theirs, and so on.

I have never quite understood it.

When people say those things, they seem to talk about their reactions to a situation they find themselves in. And our reaction is always ours.

Not only that, when it comes up, it’s an invaluable opportunity to see more of what’s here, get to know it, befriend it, shift how I relate to it, see underlying beliefs and issues, and invite in healing and maturing around the whole thing.

So (1) my reaction is my reaction, and (2) why would I want it to be anything else when it can be so valuable?

Of course, this all depends on our orientation and how invested we are in healing, maturing, and waking up.

The more invested we are, the more inclined we are to embrace whatever comes up and use it as an opportunity to heal, mature, and clarify for ourselves what we are.


The originator gets something out of it, whether it’s an emotional, financial, or political benefit, or something else.


Everything we are, the universe is
Comes from the universe
Forms itself into it
Takes the form of all we are and know and much more


Just like I wouldn’t go to a car mechanic for general life advice or – for instance – medical advice, I wouldn’t go to an awakening guide for the same.


When my center of gravity is slightly over on the human side, there is a slight sense of foundation and ground. And I recognize this as created by the mind, not reflecting reality, and part of the play of the mind and the divine.

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