Unable to read and finding blessings in it

I used to read on average three books a week for about 25 years, mostly Christian mysticism, Jung, Process Work, Adyashanti, Chögyam Trungpa, AH Almaas, and so on.

Several years ago, the Chronic Fatigue Syndrome got significantly worse (following severe pneumonia), and I have been unable to read much since. I can read quotes and skim through brief articles, and that’s about it.

It’s obviously been difficult to adjust to a new kind of life.

And I also see some genuine blessings in it.

My reading and taking in information was somewhat compulsive, and it became a distraction from facing certain things in myself. Now, I more honestly find my value independent of what I do in the world.

Less reading means more time to rest, be, and do other and simpler things. It has freed up space in my life.

After taking in a lot of information, it’s natural to need time to rest and digest. My health challenges have supported that phase in my life.

Although I have always written from my own direct experience, the way I write about it may be slightly more “me” and drawn from my own resources. Of course, I know I am still a child of my times and culture, and I am influenced by all the words and pointers I have taken in previously.

I have also found some ways of talking about it that I don’t remember reading or hearing from others. For instance, the difference between who (human self) and what (capacity, Big Mind) I am. And the differentiation between small (psychological) and big (spiritual) interpretations of awakenings.

Note: CFS and brain fog make it difficult to focus on anything for more than a few minutes. It makes it difficult to process information. And it leads to increased fatigue and PEM. And this makes it difficult to read and even to listen to audiobooks and watch movies, unless it’s for a short period of time or requires very little processing. It also makes it difficult to write the type of articles I would like to write here, which go a little more in depth and looks more at connections. I have started hundreds of articles which I then had to abandon because of the CFS and brain fog. And what’s left are mainly the simple ones that don’t require much from me to write.

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