I may have written about this before, but thought I would revisit it.
When I was little, before school age, I had flashbacks.
They usually happened when I was outside and the sunlight was filtered through the leaves of the trees around the house.
They were flashbacks to a time before this life where I was disembodied and everything was a golden light and infinite love and wisdom. I was a part of an ocean of light, love, and wisdom. And felt infinitely at home. This is where I belonged.
Of course, at the time, I didn’t have those words. It was an experience, not anything I put words on or even had the thought of telling anyone about.
Now, I understand it as oneness, and perhaps how it is – or may be – between lives. In these flashbacks, all was golden light, one, consciousness, love, and infinite wisdom. And there were other disembodied beings there that occasionally communicated with me, also infinitely loving and wise.
Later in childhood, I would often wake up with a deep longing. I didn’t understand what this longing was for, and none of my favorite people or activities would satisfy it.
AWAKENING SHIFT AND FINDING IT HERE
When the awakening shift happened in my mid-teens, I realized that this is what the longing was about and it was also about the flashbacks. This is the oneness of the flashbacks. This is the infinite love of the flashbacks. This is all revealed as consciousness, as in the flashbacks. This is the infinite sense of belonging of the flashbacks.
FINDING IT INDEPENDENT OF STATES AND EXPERIENCES
And since then, I have explored finding this independent of states and experiences. This is my nature and it’s always here, what’s required is to notice it. It may not always be as flashy as in the flashbacks or the initial shift, and that’s natural and fine. It’s noticing the essence of it here and now that counts.
WHAT WAS REALLY GOING ON?
Were these actual flashbacks from between lives? It certainly seems that way, and it does fit what many reports from near-death experiences. The flashbacks were strong. They made a profound impression on me. And they didn’t come from anything I had been told. (My parents were not religious, I didn’t live in a religious culture, and I didn’t consciously connect the flashbacks with God or anything spiritual until the awakening shift several years later.)
At the same time, I cannot know for certain.
What I know for certain is that these apparent flashbacks showed me my nature, even in early childhood. They showed me my nature of oneness and love and metaphorical light. (Although the light seemed very literal in those experiences.)
- a memory from between lives
- flashbacks, early childhood
- golden light, deep sense of being home, deep love, wisdom, belonging
- now – understand as oneness, all as the divine,
- had a longing my whole childhood, didn’t understand what it was for
- now – see it as a longing for this
- mid-teens awakening shift, realized this was what the memory was about
- oneness, all as the divine, all as consciousness, all as love etc.
- and since, explored finding it here and now independent of any states or content of experience
This is Spirit as it all including this human self. This is Spirit as any local and temporary sense of fundamentally being this human self and not the rest, or noticing itself as all of it.