When I explore what I am in my own first-person experience, I find a few different aspects.
CAPACITY FOR THE WORLD
I find that my nature is capacity for the world as it appears to me. I am most fundamentally capacity for any and all experience that’s here and now. I am capacity for what’s happening in my sense fields.
I am capacity for any content of experience, whether it’s what a thought calls this human self, others, the wider world, or anything else.
There is a big difference between (a) understanding this conceptually, (b) noticing this as my nature, (c) finding myself as this capacity, and (d) deepening in finding myself as this capacity.
CONSCIOUSNESS AS THE ESSENCE OF ALL EXPERIENCE
I find myself fundamentally as consciousness. To me, the world happens within and as what I am, it happens within and as (what a thought may call) consciousness.
The essence of any and all experience is consciousness. The nature of any and all content of experience, to me, is consciousness.
As some say, whatever we experience – including what our personality finds the most unpleasant and uncomfortable – is a flavor of the divine.
Again, there is a difference between (a) understanding it conceptually, (b) noticing it in a general way or when my mind is calm, (c) noticing that triggers and what’s triggered is also consciousness, and (d) finding myself as this consciousness that forms itself into all of this, including more reactive patterns.
All my experiences happen within my sense fields. It happens within and as what I am.
To me, the world as it appears to me in immediacy happens within and as what I am.
To me, I am oneness and the world happens within and as this oneness.
Here too, there is a difference between (a) understanding it at a story level, (b) noticing it, (c) keep noticing it when my psychology gets more reactive, and (d) finding myself more fundamentally as this oneness forming itself into all content of experience.
When I find myself as oneness – and oneness forming itself into the world as it appears to me here and now – leads to something else. It leads to finding myself as a love that’s not dependent on any states or feelings. It’s the love of the left hand removing a splinter from the right.
Here, the difference is also between (a) conceptual understanding, (b) noticing it, (c) finding myself as it, and (d) how wholehearted the intention and willingness to live from this is. And how our human self is put together also plays a big role. The more healed and mature this human self is, the easier it is to live from this love. This love that comes from noticing and finding ourselves as oneness, and is independent on states or feelings.
THIS HUMAN SELF
In a conventional sense, to (most) others, and to myself when I mentally take on that identify for myself, I am this human self in the world.
In a practical sense in the world, I am one part of the content of my experience. I am this human self as it appears in my sense fields, including my mental representations.
It’s not what I more fundamentally am when I look in my own first-person experience. But it is what I am in a conventional sense and to most others, and it is an interesting and fascinating identity and role to play.
Here, the difference is in how I live from the noticing above. What would love do? What would oneness noticing itself do? How is it to notice that this contraction and discomfort is a flavor of the divine? How is it to notice that what’s here now, including triggers and reactivity, is happening within and as consciousness? How is it to find myself as that consciousness? And so on. This can get more and more finely grained.
What these words point to is all a seamless whole.
This differentiation only happens through an overlay of mental representations.
It can be done in many other ways, and the way I do it here reflects my culture, the subcultures I am familiar with and resonate with, and my current noticing and not-noticing.
This is all an ongoing exploration.
I am very aware that I have much further to go here, especially in more consistently finding myself as all of this in challenging situations, and living from it in those situations.
And I am aware that although practices and conscious exploration are important, they only go so far. Grace is what allows for noticing and finding myself as this, living from it more consciously, and what allows old conditioning to soften and fall away so it’s easier to more consciously live from it.
This is ultimately life and consciousness exploring itself. Life and consciousness forms itself into all of this. Life and consciousness shifts when it’s ready. And these shifts are typically surprising and familiar and it takes time to get used to the new terrain that life reveals itself (to itself) as.
There is no finishing line. There is always more to clarify and deepen into. There is always more to find healing for. There is always more maturing that can happen. There are always more shifts in perception and identity that can and will happen.
- some aspects of what I am
- capacity for the world, for any and all experiences
- a big difference between getting it intellectually, noticing it, and finding myself as it and deepen into that
- consciousness as the essence and nature of all experiences
- all is a flavor of the divine
- the world happens within and as what I am
- the oneness I am takes the form of the world as it appears to me
- this human self
- one part of the content of experience
- happens within the sense fields including the mental field
- who I am to others and when I mentally take on that identity for myself, helps this human self function in the world
- capacity for the world, for any and all experiences
From another post:
(a) This human self in the world. This human self as it appears in my sense fields, including my mental field as mental representations. (b) Capacity for all of it, for the world, as it appears to me. (c) The consciousness that’s the essence and nature of all my experiences. (d) The world happening within and as what I am, within and as consciousness. The forms consciousness takes for itself. What consciousness forms itself into. The oneness I am taking the form of any and all content of experience.
To me, the world happens within and as what I am. This human self, others, the wider world, and anything else, happens within and as what I am.
To me, the content of experience happens within and as consciousness.
This is not any less true than the other aspects. Sometimes, in daily life, I take on the identity of this human self in the world for it to be able to function in the world.
As always, these are differentiated from a seamless whole. That differentiation happens through an overlay of mental representations. And it’s all reflecting my current noticing and limitations.
Here, the difference is in how I live from the noticing above. How is it to live from finding myself as capacity? How is it to live from finding myself as oneness? How is it to live from finding myself as capacity for this human self, the others, the wider world, and the situation? How is it to notice that any reactivity coming up in this human self, and