I have written less lately so thought I would give a brief update.

My time in Norway is coming to an end for this time. It was an unusual summer, with both my parents and myself ending up at the same hospital for different reasons. (Heart, covid, septic shock.) They are also planning to sell their house, which is the one I grew up in, so there is a lot to go through and many decisions to make. These days, my wife and I are having a house built – in the traditional technique and with local materials – on the land we are stewards of in the Andes mountains and we will go there in not too long.

For all of these reasons, I haven’t written much here. That may change in not too long. We’ll see.

For now, I thought I would add a list of notes for possible articles with the most recent ones first. I may still make some of them into articles. The list is below.


Behind the scenes 

  • this list of ideas for articles, unwritten 

Science and awakening 

  • can study 
  • Also inevitable from a certain logical point of view 

Waking up issues 

  • consciousness eagles up to itself, where it takes the form of the issue 
  • That part of consciousness wakes up to itself 

A longing for home, and coming home here and now 

If it doesn’t work, change it 

  • orientation, approach/tools, guides 
  • Usually notice if works very soon 

A different motivation for exploration makes it into a different exploration

  • eg yoga, meditation, inquiry etc 
  • Can be used for short term relief, gain etc, which is good, can be helpful 
  • Or to find truth, love, etc 
  • Becomes something different in each case, one is not inherently better than the other, and the first can lead to the second 

Channeled info

  • Dishonesty vs honesty – assume know source vs don’t know but know it’s often valuable info 
  • Use as a mirror, as anything else 
  • Hold it all lightly, use common sense, make use of whatever resonates 
  • Know that you are your own final authority, you make the decisions no matter what 
  • Would not use it as a trusted source for anything, especially things like medical advice (no medical qualifications), would be like taking medical advice from some random person on the street  

“The embodiment of realization can be a really humbling experience. Finding the divinity in limitations is a whole other freedom.”

~ Adyashanti

Silent Retreat Vol. 70 ~ Q&A


“Don’t try to be smarter than the truth, that’s what got you in trouble last time.” 

  • ST Strange New Worlds S01E07 

Nature analogies

  • Easy to come up with / understand
  • Familiar 
  • Puts our own life / processes in a different context for us 
  • And may point to more universal / underlying processes, patterns, dynamics in life, how the universe unfolds 

Have to face everything eventually 

  • especially on an awakening path 
  • The oneness we are brings up new parts of itself so it can recognize it as itself 
  • And that includes anything unprocessed, any unexamined beliefs, anything unfelt, unloved, unrecognized as our nature 

spiritual high plateau – Maslow 

  • Is awakening high or low? 
  • Just depends on how we look at it, can find validity in both
  • For me, mostly low, a ground, just the ground noticing itself as all there is

“Vi er ikke mennesker”

  • overhørt i Oslo 

“Everything is consciousness”

  • yes to us it’s inevitably that way, whether we notice or not 
  • But it doesn’t mean reality is that way 
  • For me, feels better to be honest, not take projections as reality 

“The world is like a dropped pie most of the time. Don’t kill yourself trying to put it back together. Just grab a fork and eat some of it off the floor. Then carry on.” 

— Elizabeth Gilbert

“You think you want your plan. You don’t. You want what is.” – Byron Katie

Some dismissive of watching series / movies 

  • Obviously depends on the balance 
  • But in general, often very enriching 
    • Learn about universal human dynamics – psychological and sociological 
    • Learn about human lives across the world, different cultures (esp. if watch international series/movies, and why wouldn’t we?) 
    • Also, all is a mirror for myself, can find it all in myself – which is enriching and important 

Political debate about energy prices in Norway

  • The only sane person was a protester shouting “declare climate emergency” 
  • And everyone will know that in a few decades 


Portray sober life as a problem, a symptom of a problem, seems a bit absurd, nothing wrong with going through life sober, without using alcohol as an excuse for behavior we otherwise wouldn’t engage in, or using it as medication to temporarily feel better about ourselves or the world, much better to live sober 

What is cosmic consciousness? 

Awakening is a kind of maturing 

  • Notice any content of experience comes and goes 


Everyday mystics / regular folks mystics 

Learn your theories well but put them aside when you confront the mystery of the living soul.

– C. G. Jung

  • Goes for anything in life 
  • Learn the skills, get to know the maps, etc. 
  • And set it all aside when doing the direct explorations 
  • Allow it to be in the background to guide, but emphasize receptivity, curiosity, sincerity 
  • Allow natural wisdom and intelligence to surface 

Is the divine 

  • is the divine that’s attached, not you 
  • Shift perspective, more real, see what happens 

Awakening and maturing

  • Awakening comes from a kind of maturing
    • Ripe, ready 
  • Maturing also happens w/in awakening 
    • Human self matures w/in awakening
    • Our relationship to the awakening and everything matures 

Fear behind sadness, anger, and reactivity in general 

  • find fear behind any kind of reactivity 
  • Connect with it, find the story 
  • Fear is vulnerable, and reactivity (blame, sadness, anger, compulsions etc) feels less vulnerable so a bit safer, but is not 
    • Is more closed 
  • Fear feels more alive, receptive, alert, while reactivity feels more dull, closed, protected 

Need economic system aligned with ecological systems 

Have never had before so will be new

Different from what we know 

Now and in the future 

  • One crisis after another – related to ecology (unraveling of ecosystems, climate crisis) 
  • Governments focused on crisis management 

Someone addicted to Korean boy band

  • Present facade of perfection, with nothing inside 
  • Attracted to bc want the same, don’t want to feel, don’t want to meet what’s inside 

Magic tricks

  • Method, effect, artistry, science – all important dimensions
  • The more I know about the methods, the richer my experience is – whether I understand the (or one possible) method for a trick or I am completely baffled 
  • So also with the mind, the magic tricks of the mind
  • The more I have explored the methods, the richer and more enjoyable is the experience 

I am not a magician but I love magic and know quite a lot of the methods. I find that the more I know the methods, the more I enjoy and love watching magic. It vastly enriches the experience for me. It means I can enjoy the method, the effect, and the artistry that goes into it.

Truman show 

  • Wake up from the illusion to reality 
  • Recognize that thoughts are thoughts, not any full or final truth – one at a time or more wholesale (and even then often need to examine several thoughts to get more clarity) 
  • Wake up from the trance of taking oneself as exclusively something w/in content of experience and finding oneself as capacity + what the world to us happens within and as 

“Det handlar aldri om at eg føler at eg gjorde noko veldig kult, men at eg gav noko som gjorde heilskapen kul. Det er veldig nice!”

  • Veslemøy Narvesen

Judge John Hodgman 

  • one presents a case, often seems obviously in the right 
  • The other presents, and typically get a whole different perspective, sometimes turns it upside down 

Psychology is in its infancy

  • Seems obvious
  • Very young science 
  • Haven’t adopted a lot of the insights from other traditions, e.g. Buddhism 

Healing method 

  • visualize others as whole, healed, mature, awake 
  • Dialog with them 
  • See more clearly that they acted from wounds, hangups 

“You can only see what you believe – nothing else is possible.” – 

Byron Katie

  • yes and no 
  • May be accurate in the context she said it, but not in a more general sense 
  • Things happen in the sense fields 
  • Overlay of mental representations to make sense of it 
  • Don’t need to hold it as any final or absolute truth, although parts of our system sometimes / often does 

Finding simple and easy ways 

  • had to bc of cfs and dark night / loss of willpower 
  • Follow inner guidance, what feels right in my body (do the test of needed) 
  • Do something when I am moved to do it, wait until it comes to me naturally to do it, wait for the natural inner movement 
  • Sometimes, do small steps as it comes to me to do them, makes it easier 
  • Have lists, do one thing, the thing I am drawn to, and then another when I am drawn to it 
  • Nothing very mysterious, feels natural and simple 

How I use channeled info

  • take it as a dream, as anything else
  • a mirror for myself, find the different elements and dynamics in myself
  • definitely don’t take it for medical advice or life advice, unless it happens to correspond to advice from medical professionals or my own guidance and best judgment 
  • We are always our own final authority 

States vs deeper transformation 

  • some, eager to interpret states as sign of deeper transformation 
    • Do a session, workshop etc and feel better, shift into a state our personality likes 
  • Wishful thinking 
  • A more sober approach is to identify a state as a state and see patterns over time, and even then not jump to any conclusions 
  • We cannot how for certain 

Meeting our experiences with skill and experience 

  • makes all the difference 
  • If with little/no skill, likely to not do much, will only be uncomfortable
  • Which is why “meet your experience” and similar pointers is not so valuable in itself, needs to come with specific instructions and really training 
  • Needs to be trained over time, under guidance 
  • Trained in one or all, as example 
    • Basic meditation
    • Train more stable attention 
    • Inquiry about meeting 
    • Notice our nature 
    • Dialog 
    • Heart centered 
    • Befriend and awaken 

My experiences with dark nights

  • what is a dark night? 
    • Can be understood in a secular/conventional sense, as a metaphor for a difficult period of life with an existential flavor
    • Can also be understood in the context of the awakening process
      • The essence –> life – situations, something in us – rubs up against our beliefs/assumptions/identifications 
  • In my life
    • Teens 
      • Teen angst, prior to shift 
      • May have set the stage for the shift, the shift happened as a safety valve (?) 
    • Twenties 
      • Went against a clear inner guidance, caught in fear, felt deeply off track, distress, more and more off track over time
    • About ten-fifteen years ago 
      • Loss – illness, marriage (good thing), house, belonging, money, friends, community,
      • Trauma surfacing
      • Disorganization, bad decisions even when know what the good one would be, out of character 
  • How to relate to dn, what can help 
    • For me…
      • Being in nature, walk barefoot if possible, swim, walk, hike, run etc. 
      • Some energy work – acupuncture, VH 
      • Finding others who have gone through something similar 
      • Follow inner guidance, authenticity, sincerity 
      • Inquiry on what’s coming up 
      • Heart-centered practices  
      • Recognize all of it as Spirit, a flavor of the divine, happening within and as what I am 
      • Befriend and awakening process 


  • Why write about this if others can talk about similar things in a much better way (more clear, from more experience) 
    • The simple answer is that I am drawn to it, follow an impulse, is enjoyable, feels right (for whatever reason), do it for myself  
    • Also, recognize that some may be of use for someone else, may be a match with what they need now, may not be aware of others talking about this, the way I express something may resonate (even if it’s just once for one person then its worth it)  
  • Match
    • Art, music, etc. 
      • has all the elements we are all aware of – part of a culture, individual expression, skills, technical mastery, innovation, heartfelt, etc. 
      • Also equally or more important in a practical sense, if it’s a match, if it’s a match with someone, resonance, if it touches someone, even just one person 
    • And so also with any spiritual sharing 
      • Is more or less accurate, clear, etc. 
      • And if it’s a match with someone, resonance, 
        • a complex topic 
          • Can be inaccurate, misleading, encourage wishful/fearful thinking etc. 
            • In which case, mirrors something in the person, gives them a chance to learn, if they insist on following it  
          • Can be accurate enough for a certain phase, help people with the next step for them, and then something else is more helpful  

What I leave out / peripheral to awakening 

  • tend to take a pragmatic approach and focus on the essence 
    • what works, what helps us notice our nature, what helps us live from this noticing 
  • leave out magical thinking, wishful/fearful thinking, or more peripheral and inconsequential things 
    • less consequential -> meditation posture, diet, breathing etc. 
      • has an impact, but doesn’t prevent noticing our nature and living from it 
      • and a lot of other things, everything in our life, has a similar low-to-moderate impact on our mind 
      • chose to usually not mention it since is peripheral and is not a dealbreaker unless in extreme situations (e.g. eating foods that has a major impact on our health and ability to focus on something) 
    • also, magical thinking, wishful/fearful thinking 
      • astrology, have to do something on a certain day etc. 
      • acting out of fear from what may happen after die, in future lives etc. 
        • if have that fear, better to address the fear directly through inquiry, befriending etc. 
      • acting out of wishful thinking 
        • E.g. if get the attention of a spiritual master or someone enlightened, will help me awaken 
      • Is often innocent, but can be a distraction, and does reflect something unexamined in us
        • often good to address what’s behind our draw to it  
        • Help us clarify something, heal, mature a bit 

Sharing on the spiritual path / in an awakening process

  • Sharing is one of the themes or threads in an awakening process
  • We may share our experiences, pointers, and so on
  • Often happens informally 
  • If we share honestly from our own experience, then of value 
  • Some will have more experience, more familiarity with aspects of the terrain and so on, and we can always learn from each other
  • Even someone with less time on the path may have valuable insights and experiences in certain areas, beyond what those with apparently more experience may have   
  • May also happen with more explicit and clearly defined roles 
    • E.g. coach – student 
    • these are roles we play in a certain setting and for a period of time, nothing more, it’s not “what we are” 
    • Here too, the learning goes both ways, especially if there is receptivity for it  
  • In my case, happy to share, sharing in a community of explorers, not so interested in formalized roles, more egalitarian oriented (which doesn’t mean that all insights and pointers are equally grounded in reality, equally useful, and so on)   

Recognizing our nature through veils

  • we can recognize our nature through veils 
  • what is our nature?
    • capacity for the world as it appears to us
    • what the world, to us, happens within and as 
    • the oneness the world to us happens within and as 
    • what a thought can call consciousness 
    • similar to a dream in that any content of experience (a) is created by the mind and (b) happens within and as the consciousness we are
      • created by the mind in the sense of constructed, in the way science sees it 
      • doesn’t mean the world in itself isn’t real 
  • what are these veils made of? 
    • thoughts held as true – assumptions, beliefs, identifications
  • examples
    • any conceptual idea not reflecting actual noticing here and now 
      • only veils and nothing else 
      • may have reflected actual noticing at some point, but not in the moment 
    • noticing filtered through ideas / veils 
      • God is all, except…
        • recognize oneness and the consciousness nature of all as it appears to us 
        • and yet don’t include this human self and anything associated with it  
      • I am one with nature / all 
        • notice oneness but with a mental overlay of being an I one with all 
        • may be a sense of the oneness we are 
        • filtered through thoughts trying to make sense of i
        • so comes out that way
        • isn’t wrong, but is filtered and limited and typically includes the idea of a separate I 
      • oneness w. sense of doer, observer etc. 
        • oneness may recognize itself 
        • and yet also take itself to be a somewhat separate something – doer, observer, victim, genius, etc. 
          • doer or observer bc quite basic mental concepts and identifications
          • victim bc of old unresolved issues at human level 
          • genius (or similar) bc take these insight to adorn the human self 
          • all bc unexamined 
      • oneness confused w. an overlay of mental representations
        • oneness notices itself and its nature
        • and is slightly distracted by its mental representations of the same
          • mental representations of capacity, oneness, love, etc. 
          • mental images and words 
        • confuses the two, to some extent 
        • can clarify by recognizing and examining these mental representations, makes it easier to recognize them and differentiate from what they point to 
      • my nature is this amazing state
        • experience states fascinating and enjoyable to our personality 
        • thoughts call this the divine or awakening 
        • and we end up seeking it, although since it comes it also always goes 
        • may be a noticing of our nature in this or not – oneness, love, etc. 
          • although this love is not a state or experience, it’s not dependent on a feeling or any particular content of experience 
    • all of it happens within and as the oneness we are
      • is oneness recognizing itself 
      • While also being partially fascinated with its own mental representations
      • Confusing its mental representations with its nature and directly noticing this nature 
  • “I am God”
    • technically not wrong
    • but tends to reflect inflation
    • recognize oneness but thoughts take it and assume separate self that is God (the worst of the worst) 

Mystery of existence / absent of I 

  • mystery of existence
    • a mystery in several ways 
      • what we are not familiar with yet is a mystery to us, in the world and about ourselves 
      • we only think we know, we don’t really know – there is a mystery in what we think we know, reality is always more than and different form our ideas about it 
      • our nature is a mystery to itself – we are and live the mystery 
    • absent of I 
      • what we are is absent of a separate I 
      • to ourselves, we are oneness 
      • and any sense of being anything within the content of this oneness, the content of experience, comes from mental representations, holding mental representations as what we are 

Dreams august 9 2022

  • dream one: Russia attacking Norway with rockets and planes (recurrent dream for some months) 
  • Dream two: I take care of a girl (10-12 years). She is Norwegian, in Latin America, and without parents to take care of her. I am not fully aware of her situation. A Norwegian family comes who knows her and they will take her back to Norway and take care of her. 

Dream august 6 2022

  • live in Funchal, have two apartments, peaceful, calm 
  • More an image than story 
  • Feels like already happening 

Dream July 30 2022

In Barichara, mostly the town, buying developing and selling property, community, rich, fun, feels right 

Here, the sea is inside you, it’s inside people  

This is perhaps meant metaphorically, but it’s also literally true. 

My experience of the world happens within and as what I am. It happens within and as what we can call consciousness. 

And when we live with something in the world long enough, it’s perhaps easier to notice that it’s inside us.

The (seductive) attractiveness of certainly 

  • for some, and some parts of us, apparent certainly is attractive 
  • Can feel safe, play into our wish to be saved etc
  • But the reality is we are not certain, it’s all questions about the world, more or less informed 
  • Why the more mature sometimes may seem less attractive, bc acknowledge the uncertainty 

Petroleum industry disinformation campaign about climate crisis 

  • Obviously flawed, front figures often not experts in the field 
  • Adopted by dine for emotional and identity reasons 
  • An example of how some people think they are very smart (holding anti climate crisis views), and in reality are gullible and manipulated 

Human before ethnicity 

  • when read about human migration, cultures around the world etc 
  • Always see it as we, as us humans 
  • Ethnicity is there but secondary or even less important 

A conscious story is not the same as resolving anything 

  • two in Norway seemed to assume so 
  • That some “insight” / story about is enough to resolve am old childhood trauma 
  • Seemed shocked that it wasn’t enough (one spiritual teacher, one psychologist) 
  • It may be the first step, but a lot more is required 

When bad foods are medicine 

  • some foods typically very bad for me, feel worse 
  • When my system is struggling, some of these foods may be medicine, help my system shift out of it 

Breathing / other times 

  • strong reaction in my system 
  • Strong discomfort, fatigue
  • Sense of a soup of old preverbal issues surfacing, nothing very clear 
  • Fills all of existence, no sense of it as an object to relate to 
  • Then fades a bit, can relate to it as an object before goes more out of conscious awareness again 
  • Assume it’s preverbal, fills the whole world, 
  • When happens, easiest to not be around people for a while 
  • Part of deeper healing process 
  • My strength gone, so all of this can come to the surface 
  • For decades, system was much stronger, including the parts holding issues away from conscious awareness, couldn’t access many old issues even when tried and suspected they were there, under the surface, 

Dream July 24

Own large land in Montana 

Group of macho locals come and want to kill a family of bears

I take action and want them to take the legal consequences 

Dream July 22 

In Portland, we can live there in the house of a Danish woman who is very welcoming and generous 

I meet another woman I feel an instant connection with, when I tell her I am interested in her, through a joke, she is very interested in me and wants to join our marriage, it feels very right (I joke that she can join our marriage, and she is immediately excited and interested) 

July 19 


Eva Skoe

Talk about doing PhD 

She knows it’s important for me 

Encourages me

She knows Birgitte who also knows it’s important 

Birgitte goes to her for conversations / therapy 

A knowing beyond the conventiinal

More of a sensing, connection with the divine

The divine knows it’s important 

Very special connection 

Mother son connection 

Dreams July 16

  • archeologists 
  • Ridiculously nostalgic in dress, car etc 
  • Location also as if from a movie 
  • All the stereotypes at once and heightened 
  • Day residue – jurassic world 
  • Nostalgia for me in daily life, in a similar way 

Dream July 16 

Kanzeon people today 

  • different location 
  • Sesshin
  • I was told I qualified now for a new position I had never heard of 
  • Also the cook wanted me to help in the kitchen, most prestigious job 
  • (felt seen, included, one of them, alchemy, feeding) 
  • After – Shared w. Danny, told me a retreat with the old community is happening in 2-3 weeks 

Dream fragment

A man talked about his early life, lived in a place where there was a real community, like a big family (history of english language example, podcast?) 

Civilization is ending and people choose to use their energy on harebrained conspiracy theories? What we know is happening is fast worse than what’s supposed to be happening according to various conspiracy theories. They are a distraction from what’s actually and already happening. 

The effects of the befriend and awaken process 

  • shifts relationship to triggered and trigger 
  • Helps parts of us join in with the awakening, reorient, realign 
  • Helps us shift relationship with life in general, a little, reminder, new groove / habit, 

Reactions to noticing / finding ourselves as our nature

  • if notice through guided inquiry
    • may seem to easy, too familiar 
    • may not see any use for it 
    • and may get fascinated, intrigued, follow up on it 
    • upside – is simple, familiar, undramatic, so easier to get a sense of the essence of it 
    • downside – may seem too obvious, simple, familiar, not exotic or dramatic enough 
  • if find ourselves as our nature more wholesale, with or without previous practice and intention 
    • often a mix
    • a shock, surprise, astonishment
    • very familiar, obvious, simple 
    • may get caught up in side-effects, fireworks, bells and whistles
    • upside – undeniable, grabs our attention
    • downside – can get caught up in side-effects, chasing side-effects and states 

Hollywood dream factory 

  • Intentionally creating and fueling an image, a good projection object / objects 
  • Fascinating to see the process and how people buy into it 
  • Happens in many areas of life 
    • Including religions, spirituality 
    • Many who sell awakening 
    • Manifacture dreams, encourage projections 
  • Same in our life, we are our own dream factory 
    • Manufacture dreams, projections 
    • Has a function 
      • Creates motivation, drive, desire, help us move (are other ways, of course, that are more conscious and peaceful) 
      • Also, get to know what’s in us in that way, and can then find it in ourselves, have the possibility 

Lack of intellectual honesty in spirituality

  • Don’t differentiate between small and big interpretations of awakening
  • Say are interested in awakening but don’t use the effective methods out there 
  • Go into wishful and fearful thinking
  • Go into magical thinking 
  • Don’t apply the insights to all areas of life 
  • Of course, a lot has to do with maturity 
  • Applies to all of us, we all do it, have blind spots  

Inner voice / orientation / touch stone 

  • Adya – there is further to go 
  • Ale – don’t be attached 
  • Per – not knowing, mystery, being / living the mystery 
  • All the same, flavors of the same 

A moment, bitter:sweet 

  • life is change, nothing lasts
  • When we viscerally get it, live from it 

Healing along the timeline

  • Myself at different ages + sometimes others I had a difficult relationship with 
  • Ho’o, tonglen 
  • Also, see myself and others as souls + mature, wise, loving – dialog with them, healing dialog 
    • As they would be if mature, healed, wise, loving 

Richard lang 

  • Innercraft interview
  • become used to headlessness by being around headless people 
  • Just as we got used to taking ourselves as a person by being around people who did the same 


  • art, music 
    • Yes, skill, quality etc counts 
    • And it’s also about the match, resonance, what the person get out of it, even reactivity (get to see something in oneself) 
  • And is the same with spirituality sharing 
    • Accuracy, level of insight etc counts 
    • And it’s also about match, resonance, if it helps people with their next step, etc 

The simplicity of being 

  • Initial shift, even one dot on a paper was too much 
  • Any word, too much 
  • All the books in the world, not enough 
  • Not because our nature is so exotic, or far away, or too amazing for words 
  • It’s bc words are different in kind to what they point to (not just our nature but anything unless they refer to thoughts), it’s bc have to notice for ourselves and words are not enough (just like anything – food, travel etc), it’s bc what words point to is more than and different from the words and also simpler (again, like anything) 
  • In a way, what we are is too simple, familiar, even obvious 
  • Words can only be reports and pointers for own noticing
  • When notice, find the simplicity of it 
  • Nothing need to be manufactured or changed, can notice it here and now independent of any particular states or experiences 

Earth / future 

  • optimism and pessimism doesn’t matter
  • Just do what we need to do, what’s needed 
  • Without too much focus on outcome since it’s it out of our hands anyway 

Spirit and ego

Two meanings of ego 

Psychological and spiritual context 

Hardly ever use the word in spiritual context 

Spirit takes the form of ego, is what makes up ego

The creativity of the mind 

Oneness forms itself into 

Spiritual people not innerested in effective methods 

  • more about fantasies, wishful thinking 

Spiritual coach

  • Practical pointers on very specific things, practices, the terrain 
  • Just like sports coach, acting coach, mathematics, etc. 
  • don’t take their advice on anything else, is not their business 
  • Also, we are always our own final authority 

Orgasm vs ejaculation

  • teens, explored the difference 
  • Can have one without the other 
  • Can regulate with intention 
  • For me, whole being experience 
  • The whole world experiences the orgasm 
  • (not confined to physical body etc) 

Awakening is not a state? 

  • true in that is not about any particular content of experience 
  • But is a state of oneness noticing itself, our nature recognizing itself 

Tradition vs terrain 

Whole system experience 

  • taste, smell, feelings, orgasm etc 

The awakening process is an ongoing existential crisis 

  • mild ongoing existential crisis 

Testable and ephemeral 

  • awakening 
  • Testable & makes sense 
  • And ungraspable, unprovable 

Kate Bush 

  • new generations discovering it 
  • I loved her music when I was a teenager 
  • And love that others are discovering it 

Threads/themes in an awakening process

  • How looks in my life + graphs (!) 

Does it feel good to hold onto a stressful belief? 

rception of capacity, consciousness, and space when we notice our nature 

The beauty of sharing 

  • Share our noticing, experience 
  • Will inevitably reflect our culture, subcultures, influences, personal experiences, personal preferences, unprocessed hangups, wounds, trauma etc. 
  • A beauty in the richness
    • Universal themes, noticing
    • And also always individual, unique, 
    • Can learn from others, new things to notice and explore, different ways of expressing it, and so on 
  • Life exploring itself in always new ways, through and as all these onenesses we are whether we / life notice or not 

Jaques Cousteau 

  • love for the ocean, animals, good heart 
  • And a child of his times, a bit naive seen from our times, don’t fully see non-human species as much more like us than different from us, don’t fully understand ecological concerns 
  • Captures a seal, kills when not necessary, etc, and also see that he learns from it and changes 
  • Both valid 

Plane on conveyor belt 

  • Seems obvious since the wheels are just spinning
  • Says something about how the human mind sometimes works 
    • Takes experience from cars etc. (know) and transfer to something else (planes, know less well) 
    • And assume it’s correct, unable to understand that it’s a different situation 

If you want to reduce suffering, do healing 

  • If my my aim is to reduce suffering, I would focus on healing 
    • Healing of the different parts of me 
    • Healing of my relationship to these parts + experiences 
    • Heart-centered practices, inquiry 
    • And as a bonus, noticing what I am – can also help with how we relate to our experiences 

The best miracles are born from truth

– Captain Pike, s01e04

  • When aligned with truth / reality
    • Can make better decisions, more informed, grounded, 
    • More receptive to opportunities, shifts, new ways of relating to it 

Exploring my experience of a doer / observer 

Death of (large portions of) the insect world 

The invitation in my dark night of the soul

  • viscerally recognize all as the divine 
  • Including and especially that which my personality doesn’t like 

Learning to see 

  • essential for art
  • And changes our perception of the whole world 
  • Learn to look at details in the context of other details and the whole
  • Learning to notice details and while at once, at the same time 
  • One of the main reasons I was so passionate about drawing, art, in my teens and early twenties 
  • Noticed how it transformed my whole perception 

Sharing seeing our nature 

  • Share in words, inherently imperfect 
    • different in nature, map vs terrain, is about visceral noticing, pointers only 
  • Every one shares it differently 
  • The journey to it and within it is different, individual 
  • And there are shared themes, aspects, etc. 
  • A richness in it 

What’s dark? 

  • Darkest side of us
    • We decide it’s dark and what’s inside and outside, where the boundary goes 
      • The parts we struggle with, don’t want to be there, doesn’t fit our desired self-image, feel scared about, overwhelmed by, etc. 
      • Emotions, thoughts, memories, aspects of our personality
      • Experiences – sensations, mental representations 
      • Isn’t inherently “dark”, is only conceptual, we decide it is to us, that’s all
    • The fuller picture 
      • Is part of the landscape of who we are, part of a whole landscape 
      • Has a lot more in it 
      • And is a seamless whole
    • Depends on how we relate to it 
      • Can befriend it, find genuine kindness in how we relate to it, understanding, even a more conscious partnership 

Psychiatric illness + ideology, can fuel each other 

  • some want to blame pst for not preventing, but these things cannot always be prevented. 
  • Blame something or someone so can feel it’s controllable, but it’s not entirely controllable. Are things we can do but it’s ultimately uncontrollable in terms of completely preventing 

Ideas about future 

  • Leave the future, apart from a menu of options 
  • Recognize any projections into the future and what they are + emotional components 

People don’t vote bc their candidate will win anyway 

Never understood the logic 

If you think that, a lot of other people will think the same 

So is an even stronger reason to vote 

I love the mainstream 

  • A lot of richness, things that work moderately well (within limits, and often not in the long run) 
  • Learned to embrace, since often am fascinated by very marginal things, never have been very mainstream in interests and life  

I love the boring 

  • a boring society, often means it works 
  • Invitation to find inner richness, richness in how I relate to something 
  • Love sober answers and solutions and ways of talking about things
  • Love mundane solutions to apparent mysteries, show us our projections, impulser to go into fantasies  
  • Often appear as boring – not much into partying etc, love silence, nature, noticing, learned to embrace it 


  • Pseudoscience, using abstractions when could be more specific 
    • A little one sided in how he talks about it 
    • Also applies to spirituality 
    • Can do both – more specific and more abstract 
    • But important to ground it in the specific, real life examples, talk about the direct noticing and not just the more abstract, general 

Timelessness and death 

  • can seem as if no death, since time happens within what we are 
  • But that is our perception 
  • May not reflect reality 
  • Would appear that way when if we most fundamentally are this physical self 
  • Bc even in that case, will be most fundamentally consciousness to ourselves 
  • Personally, not honest to take the leap from our own perception to assuming reality itself is that way 

“As soon as the mind creates a distinction between “me” and experience, you create suffering.” – Adya

  • Don’t notice the oneness we are and it’s happening as 
  • “Me” is an idea, mental representations
  • Experience is here and now, also with labels etc. 

An ordinary man seeks freedom through enlightenment. An enlightened person expresses freedom through being ordinary.


Not much patience for absurdities and nonsense 

  • Spiritual groups, a lot of wishful and fearful thinking, and accepting what someone says as gospel truth
  • Don’t have much patience for it 
  • Understand it’s their path and process, and don’t really want to have much to do with it 
  • Much more interested in honest exploration, see what I find for myself 
  • Maybe one reason I don’t seem to stay very long in different spiritual groups 

Behave like a jerk bc main teacher behaves as a jerk

Never understood 

Authenticity and awakening 

  • required to notice what we are and live from it 

Save the world?

  • save my own world 
    • Independent on what the world needs or don’t need 
    • Turn it around, to find what it more immediately is about for me (if I have the thought that the world needs to be saved) 
    • By finding my nature 
    • By supporting myself as i wish to be supported 
  • Change
    • All is change
    • All will be gone 
      • In conventional sense 
      • Here and now 
    • Cannot control, even if able to put things in place won’t stay in place etc 
  • Lila 
    • Play of life
    • Exploring itself in always be ways 
    • Radically unattached, happy to wipe the slate clean and inevitably will in a conventional sense and always and already do now 
    • Can find that in ourselves, our nature always explores itself in new ways, inherently and radically unattached 
  • The world doesn’t need us 
    • This living planet will continue with it without us 
  • Already saved 
    • To me, happens within and as oneness, consciousness aka spirit, the divine 
  • Needs saving 
    • Suffering, ecological disasters, economic system pretending there is no ecology etc 
    • Needs our help 
  • Acting 
    • Act on what we are drawn to 
    • Reduce suffering , a natural response 
    • In the context of oneness , change , Lila 
    • Helps me to hold it all more lightly 

“music today is crap”

  • why need to see it this way?
  • Identity?
  • Only reveal ignorance, small mindedness

The upsides and downsides of lonely and unprepared shifts into noticing our nature 

  • upside – not influenced by others, including what people have said about it, free to explore on one’s own 
  • Downside – is lonely, no guide, nobody familiar with the terrain 

Original goodness 


  • Art, music 
  • Relationships, jobs, places
  • Healing, awakening 
  • Sharing anything 
    • I often enjoy things that may not be the “best” in different ways, but is a good match with me 
  • etc. 
  • All about match & fit 

When i listen to…, I see it as amazing music bc it’s a good match. But it’s not inherently amazing. Others see other music as amazing and I may find it boring or harsh or predictable. It’s in the match the magic happens.

I assume it wasn’t seriously meant, but toungue-in-cheek. We decide on candidates based on their intelligence, integrity, and heart, and their policies and whether or not these seem to benefit society as a whole. (And, in my case, whether they benefit the least fortunate amongst us, also since that tends to create a better and safer society for us all.) 

Is awakening a glitch? 

  • Yes, no, and it depends 
  • materialistic view, then kind of 
    • Primarily human self
    • And to ourselves, consciousness 
    • Yes if separation consciousness give more advantage
    • No if oneness gives more survival advantage, although many draw to it traditionally took themselves out of the gene pool (monasticism) 
    • Also, lila, life exploring itself in always new ways 
  • Spiritual view, not at all 
    • Wake up to our nature, our nature wakes up to itself 
    • Separation consciousness, one phase 
    • Lila, play of life 
  • In both cases
    • Separation consciousness must have some advantages, survival, Lila etc. 
      • Survival (?) 
      • Part of Lila, life exploring itself 
      • Evolutionary phase? 
    • Oneness is our nature and may give survival advantage, collectively 
      • Is our nature, so natural to find it 
      • Oneness may give collective survival advantage 
    • Lila, play of life, life exploring itself 
      • As separation consciousness
      • Oneness
      • And the play between the two – the phases, interactions 

I prefer boring 

  • boring pointers, less distraction 
  • Invites my own initiative 
  • Boring society, works and less exciting 
  • Boring politicians who knoto w they are at the service of the people and life 

How i relate to others is how I relate to myself 

  • Parts, similar 
  • Happens within and as what I am 
  • General orientation 


Go to small town, plan to stay longer but leave same day 

Some good friends of mine do the same 

Also, they still have flights from Russia, didn’t seem right 

One has devoted his life to help those less fortunate than himself. The other is only in it for himself. 

Cats, very clear communication, just that most people don’t recognize it or ignore it 

“To let go is to notice what’s already let go.”

– Adyashanti

  • What we are doesn’t hold onto to anything
  • Apart from through and as beliefs etc., reactions to unmet/unloved/unfelt/unexamined fear 

Every word is made up 

This is obvious, we know that every word and mental concept is made up. It was made up by someone and then changed through history by others who made their own version of it and passed it on to others who, in turn, made up their own version and passed it on. 

At the same time, I notice that a part of me tends to take words and concepts as true. They are operating from the innocence of a child and take what’s given to them as having some inherent truth and solidity. 

That’s where inquiry comes in. That’s where we are invited to explore more thoroughly and see what we find. 

Time and distance: How old am I? 

  • passport
  • Age of the universe 
  • No age 

In the world, in my passport, to others, and to myself when I put on the identity of this human self, I am a certain age and it changes each year. 

In a more real sense, I am the age of this universe. Every atom this body is made up of is the age of the universe and the product of the evolution of this universe. The patterns making up this body and psyche are the results of billions of years of evolution of this universe. 

And to myself, in my own first-person experience, I am no age. I am what the world, to me happens within and as. I am what time and any ideas of age happens within and as. 


  • no goal, no finishing line 
  • Ongoing exploration 
  • Of who and what we are, and how we are wirth others and in the world 

What’s the main goal with all of this? With all the things I write about here? 

I prefer to see it primarily as an exploration. It’s not, most fundamentally, about healing or awakening or anything else, although I sometimes write about that. It’s an exploration of life and my own experience to see what I find. It’s an exploration of reality as it appears to me. It has no ultimate goal. There is no finishing line. It’s an ongoing exploration of who and what I am and how I am with others and in the world. 

Of course, there are smaller goals. I may wish to invite healing for how I relate to something, or for an issue in me. I may wish to notice my nature and live from it. And those smaller goals happen within the context of exploration. 

When I was a kid, I loved books about exploration, whether they were fictional or from life. And that love is still here and motivating all of this. 

I prefer to see all of this as an exploration. It’s not primarily about healing or awakening or anything else, although I sometimes write about that too. It’s an exploration of life and my own experience to see what I find. It has no ultimate goal. There is no finishing line. It’s an ongoing exploration of who and what I am and how I am with others and in the world. 

What is self-love? 

  • Short version 
    • An orientation towards and content of our experience 
      • love in how we relate to our experiences 
      • Love for ourselves, the different parts of us, 
      • Love for others and the world as a whole, any part of the world 
  • More in-depth 
    • (a) what is self? 
      • Our experiences 
      • Our human self 
      • The world 
    • (b) what is love? 
      • Meet with compassion, empathy (heart centered practices) 
      • Understanding 
        • See hangups, reactivity  comes from wanting to take care of us, from love 
        • See come from painful stories that are not as true as it may appear 
      • Big Mind / heart 
        • Recognize as happening within and as what we are 
        • The nature of the experience is same as my nature 

How different practices create a sense of space (AKA disidentification with an identity/issue) 

  • Heart-centered 
    • Ho’o, tonglen 
    • Thank you for protecting me, thank you for your love for me 
  • Inquiry
  • Basic meditation 
  • Befriend & awaken 

One effect of many healing or awakening practices is to create a sense of psychological distance to identities or issues. 

VH example

  • Bubble, fog, shoulder tension
  • Can work on directly w. VH
  • Don’t need to know exactly what it’s about in a psychological/life sense
  • And often get a sense of it while working on it, becomes more clear 

No self? 

  • Yes, no ultimately separate self 
  • At the same time, this human being and self 
  • And the Self that all happens within and as 
  • All is valid in its own way 
  • BM dialog 

Self and self 

  • self
    • Thought + sensations / belief 
    • Pretending to believe 
    • Temporary and local 
    • Human self here no matter what, content of sense fields the same 
  • Self 
    • Capacity + what the world happens within and as 

Violence in the US 

  • in some ways, a form of low-grade civil war 
  • And can easily escalate, especially when fanned by people like trump 

“God made everything out of nothing, but the nothingness shows through.” – 

Paul Valéry

Vaccine, antibodies vs memory cells 

  • Antibodies are supposed to go away 
  • Memory cells make new when needed 
  • Don’t understand much of the reporting around this
    • Present it as if it’s bad/wrong that the antibodies go away when it’s essential and healthy 
    • It’s the body’s ability to make new when needed that matters 

“A mature ego knows how to deal with its experience—in other words, it has found a way of dealing with the experience of being that works.”

~ Adyashanti

The Awakening of Wholeness


Mike Snider, Triune Self 

  • Love this book 
  • Listened to his two talks 
  • Someone on a similar path, where it was revealed in the absence of any teachers or teachers 
  • A lot of recognition although a lot of the particulars are different as well 

If ever confirm alien life 

  • People are very adaptable 
  • Life will continue much as before 
  • And if actual contact, may not be good for us, typically isn’t for the lesser advanced civilization, no matter how good the intentions 

The question “why”

  • some say to avoid it, there is no answer 
  • For me, the question why seems valuable and fruitful 
  • Depends on how approach it 
    • If try to find meaning inherent in anything, dead end, fantasies, wishful/fearful thinking 
    • If find the meaning for oneself, the why, create it, then helpful 
    • Can also explore at another level
      • Why do I experience something? Can do I inquiry on, find how my mind creates the experience for itself 
        • What belief created an uncomfortable experience / emotion / reaction 
      • Or what beliefs led to certain choices 


  • floating when moved, 3-4 months old
  • Flashbacks / longing 
  • Conscious of being conscious 
    • Sat in a chair by living window, reading Donald duck, made a strong impression, 4-6 years old? 
  • Cosmos, carl Sagan 
    • Huge impact on me 
    • Many experiences of looking at the night sky and experiencing oneness, that I am the local eyes, ears, thoughts, and feelings of the universe, I am the universe bringing itself into consciousness 
  • Atheist w. interest in the paranormal
    • Seemed absurd to pretend something is true just because someone tells me it is, without being able to check it for myself 
    • Religion seemed mostly like a crutch, for comfort, and dishonest if pretend to belive something we cannot check for ourselves 
  • Fifteen, observer- observed duality
    • Also, beginning of cfs, seems two parts of same process 
    • Following eb infection 
  • Sixteen, oneness 
    • Everything turned inside out and upside down 
  • Following years
    • Started seeing energies, first around leaves then around everything, don’t remember if it was before or after the awakening shift (was around that time in any case) 
    • Huge amount of energies, insights etc 
    • Didn’t find anyone expressing it very clearly 
  • Reading 
    • Capra, Jung, Bertelsen, Tibetan Buddhism, 
  • Practice 
    • Ngöndro, heart prayer, Christ meditation, 1-3 hours a day + heart prayer through the day 
  • People 
    • Two who recognized immediately 
    • Others dismissed, felt threatened (?) 
  • Zen Center
    • BM process, 
  • Some years with social engagement after moving 
  • Then back into more serious practice 
  • Dark night 
    • Cfs, trauma, losses
    • Immense pain 
    • Disorganization, reflected in my life 

Early spontaneous awakening: what I would have told myself 

Cat experience 

Shaman, initiation, years in cave, kind of retreat 

  • Face yourself, cannot escape 

In a democracy, it’s about the voters, more than the ones they vote for. Still, some like to blame the politicians. Why? Maybe because being honest and real makes it more personal? 

Where are you in a scale from 1-10

  • anti vaccines
  • Conspiracy theories 
  • Get them to argue the other side, take that position 
  • More aligned with truth, reality 

Ground it in the data

  • gun cartoon 


  • If more in nature, naturally
    • early to bed and early up 
    • Main meal mid-day 
    • Not much of any food at night
    • Lots of water/liquid am and afternoon, less in evening so don’t need to get up during the night 
  • In cities
    • Go to bed a little later (10pm), stay in bed a little longer 
    • Still wake up around 5am 


  • expect mind reading / not asking for what want 
  • Emotional reasoning 
  • Catastrophic thinking 
  • Distorting what the other says 
  • Making assumptions without checking 
  • Reading things into what people say / do without checking 
  • Instead of being honest with what feel, go into reactivity in words and actions 
  • Comparing – w. exes etc 
  • Assuming you know what psychological issues the other has 
  • Jumping to elaborate conclusions while overlooking the simple and proximal ones 
  • Jumping to scary conclusions, assume intentions based on your own issues and fears 


  • Use conservative values, religion
  • To get poor people to vote for them 
  • And use they power to ensure they stay poor, and the wealthy stay wealthy
  • Vote against their interests 
  • As old as civilization, and people don’t seem to learn 

Cat, fascinated by something above my head, frequently, following initial shift 

Soul recovery 

  • Emotional issues / painful beliefs etc. 
  • Creates stuckness, I and other, hinders parts of us from living, separates out parts of us 
  • Healing = soul recovery, recovering alive parts of us 

Zandie quote

  • written from perspective of separate self 
  • Useful, connects with more people, more familiar to many 
  • Can also write in a more accurate way, which will be less relatable to many 
  • BM dialog 
    • Are you presence? Yes, I am the presence that’s always here
    • Do you create the change? Hm, when I notice myself change happens, it makes it easier for healing and unraveling of old patterns to happen 

Ariel phenomenon 

  • if true, then difference between witnesses and may change a bit over time
  • “can tell if they tell the truth “, no you can’t 

Designing a house 

  • Natural and local materials, local traditional building techniques 
    • Tapia pisada, wood, stones, clay roof tiles 
  • Designed to shelter for the sun, using modeling software to look at sun/shade at different times of day/year
  • Tapia pisada, keeps it cool (cools down at night, averages out the day/night temperatures to keep it cooler during the day) 
  • Air flow 
  • Get to use what I learned decades ago when I read everything I could find about natural building, watched innumerable videos, did workshops, helped people build etc. 

Why did Putin invade Ukraine? 

It was not because former Soviet countries joined NATO. Ukraine didn’t qualify and wouldn’t join NATO for the foreseeable future. And by invading a peaceful neighbor, Putin made sure currently neutral neighbors would join NATO for their own safety. 

Was it because Putin wanted to create a new Russian empire? Possibly. It seems to be part of the Russian mentality to want to create an empire and invade their neighbors. They have done it for centuries. 

Was it because his authoritarian project was threatened by a democratic, successful, and western-oriented neighboring country? Yes, very likely. Why would Russians accept an oppressive dictatorship when their close neighbor, with shared culture and history, was a successful democracy? 


  • Evolution, useful energy, helps our survival in different ways 
    • Anger – decisive, move through fears, take action 
    • Sadness – reflection, learn change, identify painful beliefs and question etc. 
    • Happiness – shows us what we enjoy in life and motivation to seek, also from gratitude 
  • More fundamentally, from love, protecting this human self  
    • Thank you for protecting me 
  • Has a view, can dialog with, learn about its view, listen to what it has to say 
  • If reactive, then a pointer to a belief which we can identify and examine 
  • Happens within and as what we are, our nature is the same as the nature of emotions, 
    • Flavor of the divine 

National pride? 

  • Am grateful for many things about Norway
    • grew up there, beautiful nature, democracy, peaceful, relatively good social safety nets et. 
  • But pride? 
    • If I single-handedly made Norway – nature and all, then maybe 
    • But I didn’t do anything, I just happened to be born there 
    • Nothing to be proud of, nothing to hang it on 

Support Putin 

  • For years, seen connections in social media take on his propaganda 
  • People in the alternative world, wellness world etc 
  • Bc he is critical to the west? As you are? 
  • An enemy of your enemy is not necessary your friend 
  • A dictator, suppression, kills opponents / critical voices, anti LGBT etc 
  • Incredibly naive 

Dark night 

  • health collapse 
  • Survival fear 
  • Trauma 
  • Unhealed parts to the surface, filling my whole world 
  • Decreased ability to navigate, take charge 
  • Loss in all areas of life 

Beginners mind 

  • orientation, helpful 
  • Also, aligned with reality 
  • When go out of, often unmet fear, unquestioned 
  • beliefs 

Several onenesses

  • Don’t know how it is in some objective reality 
  • But know what we are to ourselves 
  • Several onenesses, sounds like a contradiction but makes sense 

Sleep cycles 

Yes, good to see things from many perspectives

Also good to evaluate the validity of each one, see the perspectives on perspective 

Some may be far more grounded in solid data than other 

JUNE 2022


  • good people in difficult situations
  • Don’t need bad guys etc for drama, fascination  
  • Also, didn’t try to trick the viewer, turn the story upside down etc. was pretty much as expected, and like that too 

Sobering up 

  • In healing and awakening 
  • Aligned w. reality 

Dangerous prayer

  • Asking to be shown what’s left 

It’s not what you think

  • Noticing our nature 
    • Guided by thinking, a noticing sometimes guided by mental representations 
    • But not about thinking
    • Just like so much else in our life
      • Any physical activity
      • Any activity more directly connected with reality and life 
        • Making music, dance, eating, walking, 
      • Nothing very special about it 
  • savior 

Parts work

  • Identify with vs noticing as an object 
  • Makes all the difference in the world 
  • Thank you, ho’o, dialog, etc. all helps relate to it as an object, release identification with it 

Theory of mind – stage two 

  • Theory of mind
    • Recognizing that others have an internal life, mental and emotional processes 
    • Usually only consider other humans 
    • But what about other beings? What about a theory of mind that applies to non-human species? 
      • For me, as or more important 
      • Required for empathy with non-human species, with our fellow beings, and acting on that empathy  

Parts of us are wounded etc, have needs, usually try to get it met in the world, and can instead do it directly, much more direct 

In love vs love 

  • illusion vs reality
  • Projection vs knowing oneself / other 
  • Mature love in conventional sense + as what we are, oneness expressed / lived 

Philosophy or mirror 

  • Depends on how we relate to it, make use of it 
  • If approach it mentally, then philosophy 
  • If use it as a mirror, then can find what it points to here and now 
    • Whether it’s intentional or unintentional pointing 
    • Whether it is at the level of who or what we are 
      • Psychological dynamics or our nature 
    • Can explore it as we would a dream, with all the different elements and dynamics reflecting parts of ourselves 

On the surface, a range of different articles: Dreams. Autobiography. Description and instructions for different practices. Ways to work with emotional issues. Notes on our nature and the nature of reality. And so on. And, in reality, it’s all a mirror. We can find all of it in ourselves. We can make all of it into pointers for our own exploration. That’s when it takes on value. 

Awakening from freedom 

  • If see yourself fundamentally as a separate self, then freedom is important
  • When realize that’s not our most fundamental nature, then awake from freedom, from the idea that it’s relevant (apart from in a conventional and limited sense, in terms of democracy, human rights, making good life choices that opens up possibilities, etc.) 

How the BM process supports awakening 

  • Glimpse, get a sense of what it is about, a guide, know what it isn’t about 
  • If ripe, can trigger a more stable awakening shift 
  • Supports basic meditation, inquiry, etc. 


  • Was involved in CSS some years ago
    • Loved their general approach since it’s similar to mine, use whatever works from any tradition
    • Also some weird things
      • Not allowed to join the retreat right away, even if had done several much more rigid and longer retreats (month long)  
      • The intro books were ones I mostly had already read and were familiar with
      • When spoke up in the practitioner group, often went a couple of steps ahead, and didn’t get the sense that people were very familiar with the terrain from own experience 
    • Easy to see what appears as missing pieces when see it from the outside, bc we have a different perspective and a different background, still…. 
  • Don’t use some of the most effective methods for supporting awakening 
    • BM, Headless experiments 
  • Don’t seem to thoroughly investigate a sense of… Oneness, awakening, Consciousness, etc that can obscure our nature 
    • The ideas we can mistake for actual noticing 
    • Need to systematically investigate, turn every stone 
    • To clarify the noticing, deepening, move through more of the filters/veils 
  • Focus on awakening and less in living from awakening 
    • Which includes healing of the human self 
  • Independent of traditions, so a bit baffling they don’t use the most effective approaches 
  • Main teacher seemed to have preconceived views, dismissive, not veryreceptive 

Cats can see energies? 

  • During initial awakening shift 
  • Enormous amount of energy running through my system for years 
  • My parent’s cat, would sit fascinated and look at something over my head, for long periods of time 
  • Could see the energies? 

Dark night for me 

Recognize as the divine in a more visceral way 

Not just see but feel

Not only consciously but with more parts aligned 

Putin’s projection

  • Fighting Nazis 
    • Obsessed with Soviet Union hWW2 history 
    • Projection 
      • Doesn’t fit reality 
        • 2% votes for right wing parties in Ukraine and generally in the western world 
        • Jewish president 
      • Fits himself far better 
        • Authoritarian fascist leader, create an authoritarian fascist state 
      • Classic old-fashioned projection 

Look at the numbers 

  • Ukraine 2% voted for right-wing parties, Jewish president, no signs of large scale Nazi support
  • Covid vaccine, hospitals full of people w. covid not bc of how their bodies reacted to the vaccine 

Why doesn’t Putin want neighbors joining nato? Because then he can’t invade them. That’s what he does, and that’s what authoritarian leaders in Russia had done for centuries. It’s a pattern. 

Different emphasis 

They emphasize initial noticing – CSS

Others living from it, embodiment 

The universal human

  • The world is a mirror
  • Know it all from oneself 


  • Before notice what we are
    • Healing, transformation, aligning with oneness as best we can, approximately 
  • Within noticing what we are 


  • Important to….
    • not give him what he wants, not feed his narrative (west want to destroy Russia) 
    • not give in to what he wants, not let a bully dictate our actions, stand up to him with any means (supporting Ukraine in their defence) 
    • not get NATO directly involved and start WW3   
    • not humiliate Russia too much, try to avoid what happened w. Germany post WW1 
  • Difficult balance, 

My own process

  • Childhood
    • Flashbacks 
    • Fascination w. adventure stories, nature
    • Atheist in elementary school 
    • Fascination with parapsychology 9+ years old 
  • Early teens 
    • Parapsychology, science, history 
  • Initial awakening shift 
    • Absorbed into witness/observer age 15 for one year 
    • Oneness age 16 
      • The essence of what I am still writing about here 
      • BM woke up to itself 
      • Capacity for the world
      • All as the divine 
      • Any sense of separate self created by the divine for itself, temporarily and locally 
    • Following years 
      • Extremely high energies going through my system for a few years 
      • Extremes of insights, inspiration etc. 
      • No previous interest, found Christian mystics and others who seemed to describe similar shifts, although cloaked in traditional language etc. (not always very clear) 
      • Voracious reader of Jung, Capra + Wilber, Bohm, Bateson etc. 
    • Late teens/early twenties 
      • Processing, learning 
    • Thirties 
      • Got back into meditation etc. 
      • New shifts 
    • Dark night
      • Health collapse 
      • Huge amounts of survival fear, old trauma 
      • Losses in many areas of life 
      • Invitation – recognize all as the divine, at a more felt level 
    • These days 

Hiding myself from life 

  • School, learned to hide myself 
  • Shut down in family 
  • Told “shut up until you are dry behind the ears” (when said “it’s as much or more how we take it as the situation we are in ) 
  • Always treated as a novice 
  • CSS, “do you experience paradoxes” (said “no” because don’t, recognize that any story has validity, has to be that way, paradoxes only appear when hold stories as exclusively true) 
  • Professional life – art, when got good, abandoned it, psychology, when had a chance for the best education and was almost finished, then stopped, etc. 
  • Health, supports this dynamic (fatigue, brain fog) 
  • Here, write only what’s relatively obvious to me and has been since my teens, don’t stretch myself very much at all 

Underlying: unspoken dynamics between parents, hidden, never brought to light, actively denied, also, never felt really supported, nourished, 


Putin’s effort to destroy Russia 

  • Say he will take over Ukraine, wipe out the current Ukraine
  • In the process, very destructive for Russia in every way 

West – not say what Putin wants us to say, not feed into their narrative 


Plant a seed, allow to sprout, 

Digest the topic, then ready to write 

Can take days or even weeks 

During that time, typically don’t think about it consciously 

Although if something comes up, will make some notes 


Capitalism, accumulation of wealth, and reality 

Capitalism tells us anyone should be allowed to make as much money as they can and want. In some more enlightened countries, we may soften the edges a bit with taxation, but that’s about it. 

Poverty and huge levels of inequality is just an unfortunate fact of life and we can soften this a bit too with some social safety nets and charity. 

This can make sense in a limited perspective. 

And the reality is that all wealth comes from the Earth. It belong to all life. 

Wealth doesn’t belong to just one species (humans) and not just to a segment within this species. 

The reality is also that the idea of ownership is inherently somewhat absurd. We can be stewards. We can use our brains and technology to access and use natural resources. We can socially agree about the idea of ownership. And that’s about it. 

So what’s the solution? 

One important piece is a deep systems change into an economic and social system that takes ecologically realities into account. Where what’s easy and attractive to do is also what makes sense of the Earth as a whole, other species, future generations, those less fortunate than us, and ourselves. 

And that’s very possible. It’s possible if there is a collective will to change. 

Some will say it’s naive. That it’s idealistic. Or unrealistic. 

And, in reality, it’s the only realistic option. A shift in this direction is our only chance of collective survival. 

Capitalism says anybody should be allowed to make as much money as they can and want 

Inequality is just an unfortunate effect, can remedy to charity etc. 

Can appear to make sense from a very limited perspective 

In reality, all wealth comes from the Earth

It belongs to all life, not just humans, not just a few humans 

It’s not for a section of humanity to accumulate 

What’s the solution? 

An economic system that takes ecological realities into account 

We cannot really own anything. We only pretend we do and agree that’s how it should work. 

We can notice and explore all of this in a general way, and we can also explore the specific dynamics of it in more detail. 

I am mostly familiar with exploring it in terms of sense fields and mental representations, and what happens when our system holds certain mental representations as true. 

I have written about this in other articles, so will just touch it briefly here. 

Sai baba 


No money, passport etc 

Illegal entry 

France LePen may win bc people on the left don’t want to vote for Macron or LePen, shows immaturity among many voters, and shows the system is inherently flawed 

Instant runoff 

Much more fair and efficient system 


Sit on the top of the ice berg and paddle 

An illusion of control, that we can decide something and it will happen

In reality, most of what determines what happens and how life unfolds is outside of “our control” and what we are conscious of 


Hiding myself from life 

Feeling not seen

Themes in my life 


Timeless does not mean eternal 

Do we die with this body? 

In my own experience, I am not most fundamentally this body. Does that mean “I” will continue even after the death of this body? 

For whatever reason, many who discover their nature seem to assume so. 

For me, it’s not that simple. 

Yes, in my own first-person experience, I am most fundamentally not this human self or this body or anything in particular within the content of my experience. I am more fundamentally capacity for all of it, and what all of it happens within and as. 

This includes time. Any sense of time happens within and as what I am. In a sense, my nature is timeless, and this timelessness allows and forms itself into an experience of time. 

It’s inevitable. No matter our worldview, this is what we have to be in our own first-person experience. Even if we, in some objective reality, most fundamentally are a biological human being living in this universe and within time, and even if consciousness is created as a product of biology, this is the inevitable experience. 

To myself, I have to be consciousness and the world to me happens within and as this consciousness. 

So finding myself as the timeless, to me, doesn’t mean that “I” will live beyond this body. 

I don’t know. I cannot know for certain. That’s the most honest answer. 

Why do some assume that finding themselves as timeless means they’ll have some kind of eternal life? The simplest answer may be that they mistake timeless with eternal. They find their own nature as timeless, and assumes that means it’s eternal. They may also assume that their nature is the nature of existence itself, which makes it more likely with some kind of life that goes on beyond the death of this human self. Also, there may be an element of wishful thinking here. 

If I had to put money on something, it would be that we – in a form that exists somewhere between this human self and finding ourselves as capacity – continue beyond the death of this human self. There are many hints suggesting that’s the case. 

And yet, I want to be honest with myself. I cannot know for certain. My timeless nature certainly doesn’t mean that this consciousness I find myself as is eternal. And the hints are not by any means solid or irrefutable data. 

Acknowledging this feels much more peaceful. It’s more aligned with reality as it appears to me. It’s more honest. It’s more grounded. I don’t need to know. And not knowing, in itself, can be very peaceful. It helps me find peace with a range of possibilities. And eventually, sooner or later, I get to see for myself. That’s good enough for me. 


Going to all different specialists, practitioners 

Good to try new approaches, but often just repeats of what hasn’t worked in the past

Also, often a distraction from what I know works so end up worsening 


My thoughts come from somewhere else 

Parents, culture, subcultures etc. 

May reflect noticing here and now, and still will inevitably reflect culture etc. 

Belong to me in that they happen here, are personal in that sense 

And are far more universal and impersonal since they reflect culture and subcultures 


Ric loves Adya 

Adya is pure Buddhism

Ric loves to disparage Buddhism 

(misrepresent, straw man arguments) 


I thought I would include a summary of my own inquiry on this. 


First, I am exploring any sense, however slight, of being a seer, and aim at leaving no stone unturned. 

Where do you find the seer? The one who sees? 

I see an image of my body and my eyes. Is that the seer? Is there any response in you when I ask if it’s the seer? 

Yes, I can notice a connection with some sensations in and around the eyes and the face. 

I feel the sensations in and around my eyes and face. Is that the seer? They are sensations connected with an image, and that’s it. And at the same time, I can find a slight sense of it being the seer. 

What gives you that sense? I see an image of an graphic design arrow pointing out of the eyes. 

Look at the image. Is that the seer? No. 

Where do you find the one who sees? I hear the words “he is sitting here”. 

Listen to the words, are they the seer? No. 

Where do you find the one who sees? I can find a slight sense of it in the sensations in and around the cheek bones. 

Feel those sensations. Notice the sensations, and rest in the noticing. 

Are the sensations the one who sees? No. 

Where do you find the seer? There is something in and around the eyes. A sensation and an image of eyes. 

Notice the sensations and rest with them. (As I rest in the noticing, they become more clearly sensations in space.) 

Look at the image. Rest with it. Is that the seer? No, it’s an image. 

Open your eyes. Where do you find the seer? He is sitting right here looking. 

Look at the visual impressions of this one. Look at the color. Texture. Is that the seer? Yes, I notice a slight response in me from that question. 

How do you know it’s the seer? I can see people telling me it’s the seer. My parents. Teachers. The adults when I was little. 

Look at the image(s) of those people. Is that image the seer? No. 

Still with your eyes open, look at the visual impressions of the human self. What do you see? I see arms, hands, fingers, legs. I see colors. Shapes. Textures. 

Is that visual impression, that image, you the one who is a seer? Yes, I notice a slight response connected with the sensations from the chest up and a mental image of me sitting here. 

Close your eyes and feel those sensations. Are those sensations the seer? No, but there is a slight charge around an image of my eye area and the sensations there. 

Rest in noticing those sensations. 


Perhaps we imagine it means being present throughout all of existence and knowing what’s happening everywhere? 

Look at what’s actually happening in the world. What we can all agree on. For instance, some say the vaccine will have all sorts of terrible effects, but we don’t see more than an expected low number. We have seen hospitals full of people with covid, not full of people with terrible effects from the vaccine. 

In Ukraine, only two percent vote for extreme right wing parties, so obviously not very many nazis there. 

My process

  • memories 
  • Atheism
  • Awakening shift


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We know our own situation best 

Sometimes better judgment than experts, even if it’s good to take their advice 



If they have the technology to come here, they almost certainty know we are here already. Relatively easy, work good technology, to see that our planet is alive. The atmosphere has a composition that is not chemically stable and can only be maintained by life. Also, we have been transitting into space for more than a century. 

Simple vs complex language

When I see complex language 

  • Someone caught up in a culture that rewards it, e.g. certain subcultures w/in academia  
  • Someone who tries to look smart, tries to compensate for an identity as not very smart 
  • Someone who prioritizes this over the reader understanding it 
  • Someone who doesn’t understand the topic enough to be able to simplify it, who is lost in the complexity and unable to find the simple essence  

Simple language w. understanding 

  • Understands and lives it enough to be able to simplify and get to the essence of it 
  • Someone who wants the read to understand 
  • Someone who prioritizes simplicity, essence, and communication over much else 

Clarity of space and schedule

  • Clarity of space -> clarity of mind 
  • Clarity of schedule -> simplicity of mind 

Anti pull harness

Brilliant simple solution 

Not as widely used as would think 


Often complexities, trying to be clever 

Can also be very simple, ask directly and simply for what you want 

Spirituality as a defense against life

Identities, beliefs, to justify not embracing life as it is, not live it as it is (pretend, since we cannot avoid it) 

Follow well known pattern

Invasion of neighbors, want to create / expand the empire 

Destruction of everything, targeting civilians 


Learning in community 

Alive, vibrant 

Most of what’s happening happens below the surface 

Parts of us, digesting, 

Perception, decisions, life 


Every time we say “I” what do we mean? 

– Adyashanti 

When we say “I”, I assume we tend to refer to an idea of “I”. 

This idea is general, rough, and adaptable. 

It can refer to this body. To my history. To my identities. To my desires and wants. To my likes and dislikes. To an observer or doer. And so on. 

We can even expand it, if we go a bit outside of our current cultural norms. 

“I” can refer to this human self as a local and temporary expression of this living planet and this evolving universe. 

If we are into spirituality, and have done some explorations, we may refer to “I” as something less tangible. For instance, an observer, or consciousness, or something similar. These too are ideas and identities to us. 

If I look a bit closer, I may find that the world to me happens within and as what I am. All of this is, in a sense, a more real “I” although we tend to not use that word for it. 

Adya’s question shows that taking a closer look at inconsistencies in how we see the world, often reflected in our language, can bring us to notice what we more fundamentally are. 

Conspiracy theories as a fundamentalist religion

Why clarity? Bc short / no distance 

“Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.” – Lao Tzu

Nature doesn’t operate from shoulds. It’s not caught in ideas of how things should be. 

It doesn’t push or pull or hurry or pause. All of that comes from being caught in ideas and holding them as true. 

We can be like what we see in nature. The more we see through any thought our mind tends to hold as true, the more we find healing for issues, the more available we are for acting in ways that are effortless and in flow. 

Nature here is used in the conventional sense of nature as out there, as plants, animals, forests, oceans, and so on. 

In reality, it’s all nature. Even the pushing and pulling and being caught in ideas is nature. It’s one of the many expressions of nature. We are nature. All we are and do and know is nature. 

What Lao Tzu talks about is nature when it’s not caught up in ideas. When it’s free to flow and move unhindered by what happens when the mind holds certain thoughts as true. 

No obligation to share

I see that some have the idea, and it’s obviously a human-made idea, that we have an obligation to share what we discover when we get more familiar with our nature. 

This is what happens if we get caught in ideas. Our mind tends to go into shoulds. 

In reality, there is no obligation to share anything. I am sure many discovered their nature, oneness woke up to itself, and they didn’t feel any impulse to share. And that’s perfectly fine. 

There are still many who do share. Not everyone needs to do it. 

It’s the same with just about everything.  Someone may develop an amazing recipe for cookies, and they are under no obligation to share it with others. 

Of course, we may still share. It doesn’t have to come from any shoulds or any ideas. It can be a natural impulse. It just happens. It can come from love and kindness. And here, it’s far more relaxed and open. 

Some also say it’s important that there is more awakenings in the world so we can survive as a species. I don’t know. 


(a) a feeling, something in the future 

(b) specific dreams, main one, living in northern part of South America, in the countryside, a rural school, I am involved in teaching the children + helping the school in general (now live like that, and is a school exactly like the one in the dream as a neighbor) 

Will Smith 

Nothing justifies violence 

classic trauma response 

Overreaction, out of proportion to the situation (an innocent joke, a bit misguided at most) 

Unresolved trauma 

Acted as he saw his father did

Hurt people hurt people 

Also acted as he wanted to do then, protect his mother 

A shortcut: finding peace with what is 

How do we deal with the challenges and discomfort in our life? 

Do we distract ourselves with food, entertainment, relationships, sex, money, status, spiritual fantasies, memories, dreams about the future, and so on? 

Or is there also another way? 

For me, finding peace with what is makes the most sense. 

It’s not easy. It’s an ongoing and lifelong process. It may also be the fastest and most direct path to what I deepest down want. It helps me be more closely aligned with reality. It allows me to be more honest with myself. And it helps me act in a more clear, direct, and perhaps even wise way. 

Må gjøre jobben selv 

Quality of practice, go one step beyond what we are familiar with, stretch ourselves, 


The previous article outlined a more conventional approach to this topic. 

We can also take a closer look at our *ideas* about truth and reality. 

We can examine the stories themselves without needing to refer to anything in the world. 

I can examine what happens when I take any particular story as true. (a) How am I when I hold it as true? What do I say? Do? Feel? How do I treat myself? How do I treat others? (b) Can I know for certain it’s true? (c) Can I find genuine examples for how the reversals of the story (opposite, turned to me) are equally or more valid? (The Work of Byron Katie.) 

I can examine the story in my sense fields. 

This helps me recognize the limits and value of thoughts, and also to hold them more lightly. 

I can find what the stories point to in myself. I can use them as a mirror for myself.

I can find what I more fundamentally am. In a conventional sense, I am a human self in the world. What do I find when I look more closely? What am I more fundamentally, in my own first-person experience? What do I find if I set aside what I and others tell me I am? 


We typically rely on thoughts to tell us what’s true. So it’s important to examine thoughts and their use and limitations. 


I can find any story – any view, mental representation, map and so on – in my mental field. 

And I can find what they point to here and now. I can take any story about anything, turn it to myself, and find genuine examples – in the past and here and now – for how it’s valid. 

I can explore the nature of stories – their limitations and gifts. 

And I can find what I more fundamentally am. 

A closer look, any ideas happen w/in mental field, find the stories + what they point to here, find what we more fundamentally are, hold all stories lightly, recognize what they are for  


I haven’t watched TV since I was in my mid-teens, and get most of my news and information in writing. To me, that’s part of basic mental hygiene. Moving images impact us disproportionally much and 



Awakening supports emotional healing in several ways. 

What is awakening? 

How does it support emotional healing? 

How awakening support emotional heading 

  • Recognize it as an object w/in content of experience 
  • recognize its nature
  • allowing 
  • Identify stories behind, see what’s more true 


The truth of the matter is that most people who say they want awakening don’t actually want to awakening. They want their version of awakening.

What hey actually want is to be really happy in their dream state. And that’s ok, if that’s as far as they’ve evolved.

But the real, sincere impulse towards enlightenment is something that goes far beyond the desire to make our dream state better.

It is an impose that is willing to subject itself to whatever is needed in order to wake up.

– Adyashanti 


Writing from our own experience 

More accurate 

More honest 

Less for others to react to 




I once met with a self-appointed spiritual teacher in Oslo (VG) and it was a slightly bizarre experience. She seemed to put herself in some kind of elevated teacher role, presented banalities as if it was some special teaching or insight, often seemed to operate on half-examined assumptions about our nature and the nature of existence, and operated on a set of assumptions about me that seemed only loosely connected with reality. (For instance, I initially mentioned I had lived at a Zen center a long time ago, and she spent most of the time putting down Zen and Buddhism as if I didn’t already know the inherent problems with it, and as if it was something I was strongly identified with. My relationship with Buddhism has only been casual and I love other traditions more, for instance Christian mysticism, Sufism, and Taoism.) 

I mentioned some of this to the friend of mine who is her disciple, and who had introduced me to her. His response was: She is never wrong. 





In what ways am I always a beginner? 

There is always further to go. What I am familiar with in any area of life, including what I write about here, is a drop in the ocean compared to what there is to explore, discover, and learn. 

I always have more blindspots, wounds, beliefs, unquestioned assumptions, and hangups to discover and get to know in myself. 

What’s here now is all there is. I can find the past and future, and my ideas about the present, only in my mental representations here and now. And the content of experience is always new, fresh, and different. 

And there are also some ways I am not always a beginner. 

Over time, I gain some experience and familiarity with certain areas of life. And, if I am lucky, perhaps even a small measure of maturity. 

  • In what ways always a beginner
    • Always more to explore, discover, learn 
    • Always more blindspots, wounds, beliefs, assumptions, hangups to discover 
    • What’s here now is all there is, past and future happens in my mental representations here and now, it’s always new, fresh, different 
  • And not 
    • Gain experience, maybe some maturity etc. 



  • Movie 
    • Full of powerful archetypes 
    • Beautiful, moving, important 
  • In the world 
    • Fear of wolves, the wild, want to tame, get rid of 
    • Especially today, irrational, 
    • Identity 
    • Are needed in nature, are needed for us, important they are here, 
    • Today, almost no wilderness left, almost no untouched nature, even more needed than ever before 
  • Within us 
    • The wild within us
    • Civilization, Christianity, want to tame or get rid of 
      • Have tamed almost all nature + ourselves 
      • Illnesses of civilization, lost the wild 
        • Lack of sense of aliveness, feel lost, lack of sense of meaning, 
        • Lack of power, 
        • Lack of going outside of convention in a healthy, mature way (often immature) 
    • Removes power, the wild, aliveness (deadens, miss sense of meaning) 
    • When reconnect, find power, healing, healing abilities 
    • How reconnect? How rewild ourselves? 
      • Many ways, (life)long process 
      • connect with nature, the body,
      • Rituals, fire, nature 
      • Mythology, stories 
      • Deep ecology, universe Story 
      • explore blocks, 
      • Find our nature 
      • What it means? To refind the wild within us 
      • What it doesn’t mean? To abandon civilization, maturity, kindness, wisdom etc. (gives life to it) 



When the mind is more clear, this noticing happens more naturally and spontaneously. And inquiry gives us a stepping stone for entering that clarity. Inquiry gives us a structure and pointers that mimics what happens naturally when the mind is more clear.



Our nature can create an experience for itself of not only witnessing but also being a witness. 

This is what Adya calls a basic and simple duality. What I am is a witness and I am witnessing any content of experience. 

In reality, any sense of being a witness is also part of the content of experience. It’s created by a mental overlay – mental images and words – creating the appearance of a witness and then being this witness. The mind creates the idea of a witness and identifies with the apparent viewpoint of this witness. 

In an awakening process, this is one of many appearances we can explore through inquiry. We can find that that any sense of being an witness, and any sense of a witness, happens within and as what we are. It comes and goes as any other content of experience. We can explore the specific mental images and words making up this sense of a witness and any physical sensations the mind associates with these mental representations. And so on. We can also find our nature as capacity for this too as it is capacity for any other content of experience. 

In my case, the first awakening shift that happened when I was fifteen seems to have been a shift into identifying as a witness. I am a witness witnessing any (other) content of experience including this human self and anything associated with this human self and the wider world. The next shift, one year later, was out of this and recognizing this too as content of experience, as an appearance, as something the divine can identify as, and as the play the divine sometimes plays with itself. 



When people dismiss a view by referring to it as mainstream, it’s an obvious logical fallacy. 

For me, it feels a bit embarrassing to even write about this topic, although it does generalize to other areas that are more interesting. (For instance, where do I do the same?) 

Often, when people address these topics, it can sound like an annoying adult admonishing rebellious teenagers. And that’s perhaps not a coincidence. Some of the ones who habitually criticize something because it’s mainstream behave like rebellious teenagers. They seem to have recently discovered some of the many problems inherent in how our society works and react to it by rejecting whatever is mainstream without much discernment. 



Some like to blame the western world and NATO for Putin’s invasion of Ukraine. 

It’s important to have a nuanced view, and this is obviously a small piece of the larger picture, but to emphasize it too much is clearly absurd. 

Former Soviet Union countries *wanted* to join NATO of their own accord. The majority of people in these countries wanted to join for their own protection. All NATO did was to allow it. 

Russia has a centuries long history of invading its neighbors. Our of fourteen neighbors, they have gone to war against thirteen of them. (The one exception is Norway which has a very short border with Russia and is a NATO member.) When Putin invaded Ukraine, he acted in a similar manner to a long chain of predecessors. What we see from Putin is nothing new in a historical context. 

Ukraine has a similar culture to Russia and many Russian families have members in Ukraine. A democratic Ukraine that increasingly values human rights and civil liberties (western values) is clearly a threat to Putin and his project of limiting human rights, civil liberties, and free speech. It shows Russians that it’s possible. So it’s in Putin’s interest to control Ukraine and install a Putin-friendly government. 

When people blame the western world for antagonizing Putin by allowing former Soviet states to join NATO, they are basically saying: We shouldn’t upset a person who is making himself into an increasingly authoritarian and paranoid dictator, and who is making Russia into an increasingly oppressive state. We are not going to give these states refuge from the threat of Russia, even if they and their people want it. 


They acted in their own self-interest to achieve some protection from Russia. 



I seem to be on the (an?) tail end of the (one) dark night. This one lasted more than a decade in a relatively strong form, and began several years before then. It started gradually and seem to taper off gradually. 

Looking back, what are some of the shifts and insights that came from going through it? 

A central one is a deepening in recognizing all – and especially what my personality doesn’t like – as the divine. Of course, at some level that’s been clear since my teens. I have seen it. And yet, many parts of my human self and psyche were not quite on board with it. When the deep trauma and survival fear came up, it was easy to see that many parts of me reacted to this as if it wasn’t the divine, even if I – at a “global” level could easily see and recognize it as the divine. There has been a shift here, although there is still much further to go. 


Putin’s shadow

There is an obvious irony in that Putin’s public rationale for invading Ukraine is to get rid of Nazis, while he increasingly appears as a stereotypical authoritarian dictator, and many would say fascist leader. 

Beyond the irony, it’s a reminder that we all sometimes blindly project. We see in others what we don’t want to see in ourselves, and react to it with some kind of struggle in ourselves and the world. 

Sometimes, we recognize a characteristic in ourselves and others, and we have a more conscious relationship with it. And sometimes, we deny it in ourselves and only acknowledge it in others, and tend to struggle with it 


Putin in a corner 

Have no options that isn’t threatening to his ego 

May lash out, demolish towns and cities, biological/chemical weapons, etc. 


Following the Russian invasion of Ukraine, several Norwegian athletes have publicly supported a ban of Russian athletes from international competitions. The response from Russian sports leaders is saying that these athletes were forced to go out in public to support a ban. That’s how it seems to work in Russia. Athletes and others are coerced to present a certain view in public. But it’s not how it works in Norway. 


Running a casino that’s guaranteed to win against their customers is far more unethical than any of the minor customer deceptions he talked about. He is basically running a huge scam while preventing others from scamming him. 



When I see people who use ideologies, I see a couple of things. 

They use ideologies – of any type – as a way to feel more safe. 

And they often use ideologies as a kind of stepping stone to break free from old patterns from their family and culture. 

After we find more familiarity with what the ideology is about, and after we have broken more free from the old patterns, we tend to not need the ideologies anymore. 

For instance, I don’t need any ideologies to want to care for the land that I am now a steward of. It’s natural for me. It’s my habit. Ideologies are not needed. 

I don’t need the support of ideologies to eat low on the food chain, and eat local and with the seasons. That too is natural for me after decades of living that way. (As far as practically possible.) 

I don’t need ideologies to be interested in awakening and healing. This too is something I have lived with for decades. It’s the water I swim in. 

And yet, sometimes, for a while, ideologies can be useful. They help us break free of old patterns. They give us a container and guideline for our new life. They allows to to explore something more in-depth. And, at some point, we may find they are not needed anymore. The life they point to is familiar to us. It’s our habit. We notice the drawbacks inherent in the ideology and belief. (They are limiting and inherently bothersome to others and ourselves.) We can find more freedom around our thoughts about it. 

Note: What do I mean by ideologies here? It’s not the thoughts themselves because they can still be useful. It’s more holding onto a set of thoughts as a final or full or absolute truth, and using it to feel safe. To tell ourselves we know. We are right. It’s us, the ones who get it, versus them who don’t get it. When we hold the same thoughts more lightly, there is a lot more freedom around them. We may not feel we need to procetylize or defend the thoughts. We recognize some of the limitations of these thoughts, and the downsides of holding them as absolutely true. We are more free to find the genuine validity in the reverse views and a range of other views. We are more open to explore other contexts and ways of looking at it. We are more mentally flexible and tend to relate to it all in a way that’s slightly more kind to ourselves and perhaps others. We may even seem a bit more mature to ourselves and others. 

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