A brief update

I thought I would write a brief update.

Although I have put down a lot of ideas for articles, I have only written and published a few. That’s mainly because I have been busy with traveling, classes, moving, the new land and house, and resting and taking care of my health.

CLASSES

I finished a Vortex Healing class (Awakening to Divinity) a couple of weeks ago. Combined with receiving a couple of healing sessions, it seems to have shifted things in me.

I mainly notice that I experience sensing and channeling differently.

When I sense into someone’s system, I sense space with just a few bits of ethereal pieces floating around here and there. I suspect I need to get used to this new way of sensing, and my sensing will likely keep unfolding and revealing more things. (Previously, I could sense the physicality more and I would also get more images providing information.)

My sense of channeling has also changed. I used to sense the energy in my own system quite clearly, maybe because it would run up against things in my own system. Now, there is mainly a sense of space. Perhaps my system has more capacity now? And I am no longer experiencing the friction?

When I do distance healing, there is also much more of a direct and visceral sense of it happening from void and oneness. It’s happening within and as whatever I am doing healing for. It seems to be happening from the inside-out of what I intend healing for.

And that’s not really the right language. It’s all happening within and as the divine. It’s the divine expressing, exploring, and experiencing itself as all of this and the way this process – and everything – is unfolding.

LAND

We are stewards of 15 hectares in the Andes mountains, and it’s one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen. I feel a deep connection with it and I am very grateful to have it in my life. It’s a lifelong dream I wasn’t even that conscious of coming alive, at least for now.

We finalized the payment for the big piece two weeks ago and will finalize the payment for the small piece in a few days. And the first tiny house is almost finished.

THE FIRST TINY HOUSE

As usual with these projects, there are things to learn. The main lesson may be to take my own inner voice and experience more seriously, along with what I already know. The main problems with the house design happened because I acted against my better judgment.

The design process was weird since I didn’t have a shared language with the architects, and I think a lot got lost in the translation, especially from my side to theirs. Several things we listed as important at the beginning were not included in the design. And several things I asked for during the design process were not included, perhaps because they didn’t understand my reasons for my requests. (For instance, I wanted wide overhangs to prevent rain from coming in open windows, and they insisted on short overhangs for whatever reason, perhaps because they think it looks better.)

The lesson here is to make sure they understand what I want to communicate and my reasons for asking for what I want, and also to double-check everything and not just trust that they will include what we ask for.

One of my recurrent patterns is to trust experts to know what they are doing and that they understand my situation. Override my own judgment – that is often more informed since I know my situation better. And then regret it afterward. In this case, I need to be more thoroughly engaged in the process.

To clarify: Experts may know a lot about their own field, but they don’t know as much about my situation as I do. And that makes a big difference. I have to speak up about my situation and make sure it’s understood. (One example is my doctor in Oregon telling me to eat a lot less salt. I didn’t understand why since I made all my own food from scratch and didn’t eat processed food. I just added a little salt which I knew was necessary for my body to function well. Also, my blood pressure was perfect. Against my better judgment, I followed her advice. And it contributed to me almost dying from heat stroke since my body became depleted of salts in the summer heat. She may have been a medical expert. But I was an expert on my own situation and had better judgment than her in that situation.)

Another recurrent pattern in my life is to feel unseen. In this case, I have been steeped in architecture my whole life, including through formal studies at one of the best programs in the US. When I spoke up about my wishes and concerns, it came from an informed place. The architects treated it as if I didn’t know what I was talking about. I let them because they are the architects, not me. And now, it turns out that my wishes and concerns were very valid and came from a more informed place than where the architects came from. (Again, because they didn’t know my situation as well as I do.)

The lesson is to make sure they see and understand what I want and where I am coming from. At least then, we have a starting point to find good solutions. As it was, they dismissed much that would have prevented the many serious problems with the house and I allowed them.

The design problems, in themselves, would have been easily fixable if we had been here during the construction process. But for several reasons, and again against my better judgment since I know it’s essential, we were not here.

The lesson here is: Be present during the whole construction process so you can catch problems and correct them. It’s different to see the actual building on the ground than to just see plans and renderings, and a lot of problems can be corrected during the building process.

Now, the lesson is to find solutions to the things we are not happy with. Partly through some reconstruction of parts of the house, and partly through compensating for it in other ways.

What are the main problems?

The big one is that the ceiling and doors are very low. They feel oppressive, especially for me who am much taller than most people here. My Northern European friends who are even taller than me would have to bend down in several places to not hit their heads. It’s as if the house is made for much shorter people than me, which is true since the architects here are used to design for the people from here. We specifically asked for tall ceilings, and that was rejected by the architects. (They said it wouldn’t look good, which doesn’t make sense to me. They are not going to live there. And a half or one meter is not going to change the overall look of the building that much but it would make the space far more comfortable.)

Another is that roof overhangs are very short. I specifically and repeatedly asked for longer overhangs, and that was also rejected by the architects. Apparently for aesthetical reasons. As it is now, it will easily rain in through the windows when they are open. Again, this would have been prevented if the architects had been receptive to our wishes.

CULTURAL DIFFERENCES

There are also cultural differences coming up in this process with the land.

I have my whole life learned about nature, natural building, sustainability, vernacular architecture, designing with the landscape and wind and sun, and so on. I have been steeped in it so it’s natural and easy for me to think about land use and the building process in this way. And that’s not the case for everyone.

For instance, I want to preserve the most beautiful places in the land so everyone can enjoy them. The instinct of the others in the project is to build exactly there which would ruin those locations.

I want to get to know the land before deciding where to build and what to do with the different parts of the land. I also want to keep the roads and builings in one place as much as possible, and keep the rest natural and wild. The others want to build roads and houses at the first places that come to mind without much concern for the bigger picture and longer term thinking.

I want to slow the process down so we can gather enough information to make good decisions. The desicions we make now will make a lasting impact on the land so it’s worth taking time with it. The others want to move quickly even before we have enough information.

I want to plant native trees and flowers, and as many perennial food plants as possible. They want to plant whatever and don’t think much about the food plants.

These are valid differences, and they way I would like to do it is not the one correct way to do it. But it is challenging for me. Perhaps because I now see myself as a steward of the land and I want to be as good steward for the land as possible.

HEALING

I have received a couple of healing sessions from NH, a woman in England.

She describes the healing as from emptiness and oneness, and that’s my sense as well. Following the healings, I sense my own system as much closer to emptiness.

She has picked up several things I have sensed in my own system since my teens. This is a relief for me since other healers typically have not picked up on it.

My consciousness and parts of energy system doesn’t feel centered in my physical body and not thoroughly embodied. I assume this is a trauma response. When I check in with my system, I cannot find a center line. Or, more precisely, I sense several senter lines each in their own location.

She brought these together more and invited the fear that came up in my system (fear of being more fully centered and embodied) to come up and unravel.

I have only had two sessions so far, but the results look promising.

THE PATH AHEAD

It may seem that my physical situation will be a little more settled and stable now, but I am not so sure. A lot of things are in motion.

NOTES FOR ARTICLES

I thougth I would include a few notes for articles from the last few weeks. Apologies for the lack of good formatting. These are originally a regular text file so the formatting gets a bit weird when I paste it here in the WordPress editor.

What you seek is seeking you 

…

My system feels moved closer to emptiness 

Emptiness takes the form of my system and everything 

…

The longing and the anger 

Longing in childhood 

For the divine

But didn’t know 

Also longing for love, safety, support from my parents (unable to give bc couldn’t give it to themselves) 

A lot of anger behind that longing

Didn’t get what I needed, wanted 

The unawake part of me, longing and anger 

Longing for mother, love, safety 

May be a part of spiritual longing for many 

Didn’t get it from mom, seeing it from the divine 

Part of the process

Nothing wrong bc works if helped by grace 

…

Longing and disappointment 

A reminder to come back to myself

Find it in myself 

…

The distance between this and death is nothing 

All is consciousness 

…

Joel 

No spiritual practice before, very little to process after 

Feels empty of experience, juiciness 

….

“Anytime you find yourself wanting sympathy, you’re trying to get someone to join you in your mythology. And it always hurts.” – Byron Katie

…

New Age versions of “blaming the victim” 

…

Ordinary, as a dream but “real”, a real dream 

Microdose, lemon juice, all felt very unreal in a different way 

….

Atmospheres

• Fascinated by in my teens and early twenties 
• Sought to create/experience certain atmospheres
• Then, more clear that it’s all coming and going, shifted more into what it all comes and goes within and as 

…

«Nadia fascineres av hvor like vi mennesker egentlig er når vi graver dypt nok inn i sjelen. Alle strever med de samme temaene i livet, slik vi alltid har gjort – uavhengig av tid og sted. Å bli elsket og akseptert. Når man ser sånn på det, betyr plutselig etnisitet og kulturelt opphav svært lite.» Nadia Ansar, psykolog 

…

Conspiracy theories and distractions 

• what we know is happening is far worse than most conspiracy theories
  • Ecological crisis, climate change, great extinction 
  • A very serious situation, most haven’t taken it in, even fewer reflect it in their life and priorities 
• Can easily see the flaws in most conspiracy theories with a little knowledge of history and science, bad data and bad logic 
• What’s behind it?
  • A way to find a sense of safety, to know
    • Increased during pandemic, as is always the case, a predictable pattern 
  • A way to feel included 
  • A way to reinforce an outsider identity 
  • Lack of knowledge of history and science, don’t know how little they know 
  • Lack of maturity 
• Conspiracy theories function as a distraction from what’s really going on
  • Also erodes democracy 
  • dangerous 
  • And are sometimes intentionally used as a distraction from what’s going on, the conspiracy theorists are used, they unwittingly become part of conspiracies to distract from what’s going on (eg climate change) 

….

Unelightenment 

• examining ideas about awakening etc 

….

Innumerable causes 

• new age idea, that illness comes from emotional issue,  may be a grain of truth in it but often far mote complex 
• Makes sense to explore it, see what happens, doesn’t hurt, at least get to find some resolution around the issue 
• But does not make sense to latch into a simplistic idea about causes of illnesses 
• Is often very complex, many factors 
• And can be used, in the worst case, to feel a “blame the victim” dynamic, whether it’s ourselves or someone else 

….

Star trek 

Supposed to be progressive, and is in some area s and compared to us mainstream 

But is conservative in many areas 

Eg gendered clothes 

….

I don’t have anything against either conservatives or liberals. Both are needed for the world to go around. Although I do have a strong pro-democracy orientation. It’s flawed but it’s far better than the alternatives, and there are many ways it can be improved. (Personally, I have a few touchstones when it comes to politics. How inclusive is the view behind the policies? Does it take the interest of all life into account? Does it take a long view? Is it based in science and research? Does it further democracy?) 

For that reason, I have been concerned about what’s been happening in the US and the world in general over the last several years. 

From day one of when Trump entered politics, my main concern was what it would do with the political culture in the US – and through ripple effects the world. 

Another side of this is the apparent flourishing of conspiracy theories. Here too, we find an orientation that’s inherently anti-rational, anti-science,  essentially anti-reality, and often directly or indirectly anti-democratic. 

…

I saw an article about people having problems getting up in the morning, and they asked what works for the readers. For me, the answer is simple. I go to bed early so I get at least 8-10 hours of sleep (or at least rest) before needing to get up. That way, I mostly wake up on my own and it’s not difficult to get out of bed. In many cases, the best solutions are the simple and obvious ones. And I also know that this may not work for some, for whatever reason. Perhaps the problem is difficulty sleeping, so then that needs to be addressed. (Good sleep hygiene, CBD drops, learning to relax, etc.) 

…

Healing session 

Healing from nothingness/oneness

• All is already the divine
• The divine inviting itself to opening up, reorganizing, realigning, as what we call healing 
• All is one unit happening together at the same time
• Like a dance 
• How it was for me in my teens/early twenties, then distracted by (my thinking about) others and a different approach (thinking it was better since they seemed so confident), and then refinding it, often over and over 

….

Commitment to reality 

• Can flat around, whatever happens is the divine, more passive 
• Can commit to reality as it reveals itself to be, more active, engaged

….

What’s the meaning? The reason? 

• The divine having an adventure 
• For me, that’s enough 
• And can explore further, of course, which is also the divine having an adventure 

….

It’s the whole universe creating our health or illness 

• never liked the native idea that we can fully control our health 
• Innumerable causes to anything – biology, genetics, environmental toxins, society and social issues, behavior, mental patterns and so on 
• Yes, our behavior plays a role, but it’s just a small piece of the puzzle 
• Especially blaming emotional issues for everything seems very naive, a way to pretend we know and have control 
• (I work in work emotional  issues bc they are uncomfortable, and if it helps my physical health, that’s icing on the cake) 
• The bigger picture gives some humility, along with awe and gratitude and holding any ideas about it more lightly 

….

When the field forgets who it is supposed to be

• Have inside info of this human, a special connection 
• Eg Breema class 
• Psychedelics? Shaman? 

….

Willful stupidity

• Most conspiracy theories are willful stupidity
• Very easy to debunk / question through easily available and better logic and data 

….

Astrology

• Archetypes and dynamics, mirroring each one of us 
• Less interested in birth chart etc. 
• Also helps people get in touch with the oneness of existence, one step in that direction, opens the mind 

….

“I am not sure that I exist, actually. I am all the writers that I have read, all the people that I have met, all the women that I have loved; all the cities that I have visited, all my ancestors.” JORGE LUIS BORGES
….

Treating people like shit backfires

• us trained soldiers from Afghanistan in exile, recruited by Russia (special forces) 

…..

Differentiate what I can check out for myself and what to me is a story, and also differentiate within what I can check out for myself – what’s immediate noticing and what’s my own story 

• E.g. VH courses, awakening path 
• What I notice directly
• Everything else is a story that may or may not be relatively accurate in a conventional sense 
• Same with any tradition, any theology, any model 
• The proof is in the pudding, comparing is dangerous 
• Seek comfort in a theology, mythology, ideas about what’s happening and what will happen 
• Escape from being present 

….

Spiritual bypassing 

• Sometimes presented as “it’s wrong, don’t do that”, moralistic tone 
• A coping strategy 
• Bc are not ready, don’t have the tools or support, haven’t sufficiently gotten tired of running, the pain of running is not yet greater than the pain of facing it 
• Noting inherently wrong with it, is even healthy, and comes with downsides and doesn’t work in the long run 

….

Impermanence and noticing our nature

• What’s here has never been before and will never be again
• Can notice in immediacy, all comes and goes 
• If all comes and goes, can I be anything within that? 
• What is it that, to me, doesn’t come and go? 
• Not a thing, but what it all happens within and as 
• Just like a dream, waking life happens within and as what I am, within and as consciousness
• I am this field of consciousness that the world to me happens within and as 

….

Nectar smell and taste

• my wife now 
• And I some years back 
• Along with seeing the energies of everything even if it was pitch dark 
• Waking as pure consciousness without being aware of or connected to this body or anything 
• Nectar, seeing in the dark, pure consciousness etc. 
• Probably well known in the different traditions, probably has different names, seems relatively universal and perhaps ordinary (?) at certain phases of the process (?) 

….

In therapy

• What is it you would rather not talk about? 
• What are you most afraid we would talk about? 

….

Inner community

• one part doesn’t feel safe, wishes to feel safe 
• The whole inner community wants to feel safe 
• Helps to notice, shared intention 

….

See, love, feel all as the divine 

• first see in general 
• Maybe love in general 
• Then include more 
• Then visceral 

….

In the midst of turmoil etc, always a part of me that’s content, at peace with what’s happening 

….

Aspects of the divine

• Love, oneness, grace, 
• Mystery – somehow strong for me, especially in the foreground 
• As the other ones, helps dissolve contractions when parts are caught up in separation consciousness, reactivity, 
• Mystery of existence
  • Many forms of mystery
    • Within stories, don’t know anything for certain, only scratching the surface, always more to learn and understand, always new perspectives, always other worldviews that makes as much or more sense to see things within, 
    • That anything exists at all, that there is something rather than nothing 
    • We are mystery, all is mystery, that which cannot be grasped, the mystery all comes out of and is, directly notice when explore what we are, what we more fundamentally am  

….

This is the only thing I do, this may be the last thing I do

• This is the only thing I do, we only do what we are doing now, we only experience what we are experiencing now, it’s our whole world
  • What’s happening now is all that’s happening, it’s our whole world 
• The may be the last thing I do, is reality, we don’t know 
• Both are helpful reminders, reminders of reality 

….

Magnus Carlsen and Niemann 

• MC withdrew from a game with Niemann after one move, a clear demonstration of something
• Then cryptic message on social media 
• Then hinting that Niemann is cheating 
• All immature, unprofessional, even unethical 
• An example that can be brilliant in one area of life, and not so much in other, doesn’t always transfer 
• (Similarly out-of-touch when wanted Norwegian chess organization to be sponsored by a gambling business, as if money is more important than where it comes from) 
• Ruins someones career without proof, only based on suspicion, and uses position of power to do so, assumes guilt without evidence  
• The more mature approach would be 
• (a) gather solid proof and present it to the correct authorities 
• (b) if cannot, then don’t speak about it or hint about it 
• (c) or look at statistics, present the statistics, and let people make up their own mind, using public data that others can check  
• I often take an old fashioned conventional view on these topics, often more grounded, simple, straight forward 
• Seems to be an unfortunate fashion to abandon the “innocent until proven guilty” guideline, to not value it anymore, 
• The emperor has no clothes
  • Chess and image building
  • Suits, intelligence etc. 
  • Build up an image and myth around it 
  • Ties into archetypes, projections
  • Make themselves into a good projection object 
  • To elevate the status, get more attention and money 
  • E.g. not allowed to wear t-shirt or jeans at bigger competitions, bc may change the image of chess, reduce its status and monetary value, and bring it down to a more appropriate status, 
• Also, why are Russians allowed? 

…..

Eco-community

• Since my teens, wanted to be part of an eco-community 
• Now, looks like an opportunity to be part of facilitating the creation of one 
• 15 hectares in the Andes mountains 
• Smaller private + larger shared spaces 
• Solar, water efficient, rainwater collection 
• Regeneration, rewilding 
• See how it evolves
  • have dreams, images, menu of possibilities, direction, guiding values, etc. 
  • And see how it unfolds, what comes up, opportunities etc. 
• Take time, get to know the land through the seasons, then decide where to put what

….

Cat, awakening shift, staring at my energy field above my head 

I recently saw a Jackson Galaxy video about cats seeing energies, and also this cartoon. Both reminded me of something that happened in the period after the initial awakening shift. I could sense and see a lot going on in my energy system, including above my head. And I would often see our cat looking at something above my head, apparently transfixed. 

…..

“Ego”

• a certain dynamic and not a “thing”
• Created by identifying with the viewpoint of thoughts, aka believing thoughts, identifying with 
• Which means we have thousands of little “egos” running around 
• It’s not one monolithic thing – not a thing, not one 

…..

Glimpses – an experience or our nature 

• Oneness reveals itself to itself 
• May take it as an experience, caught up in the side-effects, not notice the essence of it 
• Or may recognize its nature in it 

Authoritarian regimes and sports whitewashing 

• Quatar, Russia, China 
• Should be banned from international sports 
• A lot of things more important than sports 

Long covid 

• vaccine and masks help reduce likelihood
• Without vaccine, and several infections, worse, increased risk 

Losing faith in the teachings? 

• I saw a headline in a Buddhist magazine about this topic 
• Someone losing faith in Buddhism and the teachings / teachers / community bc of bad behavior 
• With these questions, often prefer a more boring and mainstream, is often more grounded, simple, nothing extra 
• A few different sides to this
  • Comes to light
    • Good that it comes to light, see a fuller picture of what’s going on, bc can relate to it more intentionally, can do something about it 
    • Are human organizations, and needs to be treated as we treat any human organization, have things in place to receive and take care of problems 
  • Disillusionment
    • Good to be disillusioned 
    • Lose faith in what’s not so reliable – the human side of it, human organizations etc, inherently fallible 
    • Find what it’s about, which is our nature 
  • Pragmatics
    • It’s not about having faith or not
    • It’s about the exploration, noticing the effects of the practice, finding what works 

Eternal is a story, timeless is here and now

• Asked to sit with the eternal nature of everything, energy changing form, death is just energy changing form etc – all of that is a story 
• It may be relatively accurate in a conventional sense but it’s still a story, a story about time 
• And something related to that is not a story, something is here now, can notice here now 
• Everything happening is within and as the timeless
• The timeless taking these forms 

Harms everyone to live within a corrupt system 

• Even the ones who think they gain from it 
• Unpredictable, at the whim of people in power, not rule driven, 

Music – all types expression of something human, evokes and reflects something in me 

What do I not listen to? What does it say about me? Which areas of myself am I not exploring? What is the reason? What scares me about it? What identities prevents me? What stories do I have about it? 

How do you listen? For me, align with the part of me that’s curious. 

“The most yucky, is most difficult to release, wondering why” 

• Bc most dense + most identified with (and identified with the struggle with it) 

A Buddha in bubble wrap 

• we all are 
• Moving, meditation w wrapped Buddha 
• It’s me, I am the wrapped Buddha 

Divine conspiracy 

• Everything is 

Nothing and no-thing comes before God 

Object permanence

• Learned, experience of permanence through our mental representations
• Tend to over-learn, assume that our thoughts represent reality in more situations, or perhaps even are what they refer to
  • e.g. human self, who we are etc. 
  • That those ideas are what we most fundamentally are 
• So need to differentiate direct experience vs mental representations, which is essential for healing and noticing our nature 

Rubik ‘s cube

• a mystery to solve 
• Drawn to, inherent in its to want resultion
• Also with healing and finding our nature 
• Taps into a deep urge in us, desire, something primal, essential 
• Makes sense in evolutionary perspective 
• And also in the correct of who and what we are 

Body positive? 

• I have a mainstream view on many social issues
  • Mainstream among liberal western university educated people, and especially in Northern Europe / Scandinavia 
  • Eg climate change, seen as a huge crisis by climate scientists, and also how I see it
  • Ukraine, see it as wrong no matter who invades a sovereign country, and nothing justifies it 
  • I see most conspiracy theories as rooted in bad logic and bad data, and focused on far more peripheral topics than the big ones we all face and agree on (ecological crisis, inequality, hunger) 
  • And so also with a lot of popular topics like body positivity 
• Yes, good to be aware of shaming etc and speak out shading it, crack down on it
• Yes, good to find kindness and love towards ourselves as we are 
• Bring awareness to all of that 
• And there is a health aspect too, for instance to being overweight, which is equally a part of the equation and equally important 

Cannot deal with extreme temperatures as well 

Sitting takes a lot of energy, much easier to lie down 

The essence of the dark night

• Previously saw all as the divine 
• Now invited to feel all as the divine 

How was the pandemic for me? 

• not very different
• Loved it personally, more quiet, less different for others (they lived more like me), more things went online which made it easier for me 

Sense of separation / I is the play of our mind, the play of the divine 

• It’s life exploring itself that way 
• Nothing inherently wrong in it 
• But does create discomfort, so we are motivated to find another way 
• Explore more deeply, to find another way 

What does it mean to be grounded? 

• better question, how do we become ungrounded? 
• Any belief, hangup, trauma etc 
• So ground through healing, shifting our relationship with our world, finding our more fundamental nature, living from and as all of this, and so on 

The healing from pleasure 

• A piece of the puzzle 
• Healing from a (n internalized) culture with a stained relationship with pleasure 
• Find peace with pleasure 
• Enjoy pleasure 
• Find some healing through pleasure 

Ms Marvel 

• Finding our family, home, tribe, where we belong
  • A common theme in books aimed at younger people 
  • Bc often feel we don’t belong 
  • Many find their home, tribe, family when they grow up 
  • And it’s also about finding it in ourselves 
• She discovered she is the stuff of her nightmares, what she feared the most earlier in life
  • That’s how it is for all of us if we are honest with ourselves
  • We find ourselves as what we vilified, what we learned to vilify in ourselves and others 
  • We have that too in us, we are that too 
  • If we recognize it in the world, if we see it in the world, it’s because we are it too, we know it from ourselves 
• Have one fundamental choice in life, chose fear or love, E03 25min
  • A lot of truth in it 
• Consciously have a very positive view on Islam, but also notice parts of me impacted by enemy/fear-mongering images from western culture 

Barichara 

• Locals want hotel bc of work 
• Others don’t want it bc of traffic, noise, water use, pollution etc. 

I love “woke” 

• Seems popular to dismiss or ridicule or get upset about “woke” these days
  • Mostly by small minded and reactive people 
• I personally don’t agree with everything, but I support it wholeheartedly
• Is a medicine against certain far more destructive and dangerous views and orientations 

How the “befriend & awaken” process works

• The different steps 

Harmed by cat vs humans 

• Here is another classic. 
• I have been hurt by different species. My cat bit my leg when I stepped in between her and a dog she was about to attack, and I may not have survived if it wasn’t for modern antibiotics. And I have been hurt emotionally by people in my life. (Or, rather, by how I interpret situations involving them.) When it comes to the cat, I see her as cute and innocent. And when it comes to the people, I can still find parts of me that holds some hurt, resentment, and judgment, and it doesn’t feel completely and fully resolved. (Because those parts of me hold onto painful stories as true.) 
• So why not treat humans as I treat cats? Why not see them as innocent and cute? Why not understand that they too acted on inner forces? 
• ….
• cute, innocent 
• Vs resentment, judgment 

The jerk – movie 

Overlooking the obvious

• Russian dissent and criticism in state media 
• Western journalists presenting it as fractures, Putin losing control, etc. 
• If in state media, then more likely part of Putin’s strategy 
• Serves his interests, gives him room to maneuver in the future 

Allowing ideology to override compassion

• Examples
  • Anti-woke
  • Pro-Putin, anti-western help to Ukraine 
  • Anti-science
  • Anti-vaccine / mask-wearing 
  • Anti politically correct – which is just a way to acknowledge other people, that they have their perspectives, lives, feelings etc. 
• Ideologies and reactivity, reaction to own pain, which in turn creates pain for others
  • Of course, tell themselves they are doing the right thing
  • While in reality acting on reactivity, override rationality
  • Often, very easy to see through rationally, bad logic and bad data  
• If think through for a minute, see that all of this is there to help vulnerable groups, often people who experience a lot of suffering and for whom this quite literally often is a matter of life and death 
• Simple facts + the human side of the equation 

Quiet grounded wisdom 

Dialogue with someone who have lived for eons 

The larger picture of our individual psychology

• All thoughts come from somewhere else
• Issues, created socially – in family or society 
• Often trace back to social dynamics, passed on through generations 
• Also ecology
• Holarchies, systems within systems 
• The most basic systems view on psychology 

Trump, damage to democracy, by far greatest danger, saw that before the election and turned it to be true, not very difficult to guess 

We as all of humanity and all of life and all of existence 

• Each one equally valid and a helpful perspective 

Integral folks 

• sometimes sound as if they pretend people who don’t talk about development as they do it either don’t understand it or are awakened as a baby
• Obviously not true 
• Most see and understand that people develop and mature, and talk about it as maturation, but don’t emphasis it so much bc they realize it happens on its own, like a plant, can be supported by not forced 
• And if there is awakening, happens through an adult 

Ariel phenomenon

• Short documentary, left out huge amounts of material and topics 
• Wish explored the view of the traditional culture more, the locals, who seemed to see it as ordinary and something that’s been going on for a long time 
• Wish had gone more in detail in the experience – what saw, felt, smelled etc. 
• Especially wish had gone more into how the experienced transformed the people 
• For me, a bit odd that this would seem threatening. We know how little we know. We know that our worldview is provisional and will be seen as outdated in the future. That there is something behind these experiences – whatever it is – fits nicely into the infinite “don’t know” category that we are already living within and within. 

Priorities

• Ecology, long term survival, thriving 
• Prepare for ongoing ecological and ecology-related crises 
• Limit the damage as much as possible 
• Prepare for collapse of large parts of the global society

Why so many distracted? 

• Partly bc is human nature 
• Partly bc may feel too overwhelming so it’s easier to focus on peripheral topics and pretend those are important in the big picture 

Minorities often more reflected 

Have to process more, think through more

Than mainstream people 

Different approaches depending on level of motivation

• Daily practice, inquiry, energy work 
• Clients often want to appear as more self-driven than they are, may feel judged/ashamed etc., but there is no shame, just how we humans are, and knowing the level of motivation helps us find a matching approach, 

Intention in energy/distance healing

• Some make it complex and complicated, sometimes rely on guesswork 
• I prefer a simple and direct intention, and leave the rest up to the divine
  • May notice where work, and then intend for more work there 

Allowing what’s happening now to influence myself at earlier ages, childhood, teens etc. 

• Healthy interactions, support etc. 
• What I wanted then 
• Allow it to influence that part of me now, support that part of me 

Headlessness – how it works

• Notice you have no head in your own first-person experience
  • Head often center of where/what we take ourselves to be 
  • Realize it’s learned, a mental image, not first-person experience 
• Capacity for the world 

Integral world and using models to feel better about oneself 

An eternal love is all you should seek (Sting) 

My life is compete now (?) 

• Is it true? That it’s always compete? 
• As it is? Even if I died now? 

It will all be gone, so what’s left? 

• Everything will be gone
  • Our life, everything we know, this planet, this universe 
• So what’s left? 
• To find peace with what’s here
• And live authentically, from sincerity, receptivity, following guidance etc. 

What is spirituality? 

• many definitions 
• For me
  • Exploring our nature and how to live from a more conscious recognition of our nature / our nature noticing itself 
  • Becomes ordinary life as it is 

Spirituality is life bringing itself into conscious awareness 

Is Putin insane? 

• can seem that way 
• Very different values 
• Very obvious projections 
• Very bad strategies to get what he wants 

Trump, Putin etc 

• zero sum view
• Instead of win-win 
• Explains a lot 

Cats

• Very clear and direct communication

Dreams sept 22

• traveling in area with lots of poverty 
• Ale insists to wash and kiss the most sick
• With no regard for her own health or safety, and what diseases she can catch 
• She says she refuses to be like others who shun and reject them 
• Goes overboard, to the other extreme, out of reactivity 

Living in the unknown

• always do, love in and as the unknown 
• And life sometimes makes it very clear 
• Right now, a lot of moving parts and obvious unknowns in many areas of life
• Just have to see how it unfolds
• Gather as much info as possible, especially through experience and trying things out 
• Keep the options open, take one step at a time 
• Follow guidance 

Land 

• support natural succession 
• Get to know the land over time 
• Build with the land and climate 
• Don’t build on the most beautiful spot 

Magnus Carlsen 

• withdrawing from matches 
• Innocent until proven guilty 
• Say it clearly or not at all 
• If guilty, other and better ways 
• If not, terrible, destructive 
• Look at the data, statistics 
• Seems immature at a human level, high intelligence in chess didn’t mean you have high intelligence in every other area of life, is just one of innumerable areas of life 
• Is a kind of bullying (to him) and blackmail (to the chess community) 

Nationalism and stupidity

• Maga, brexit, Putin
• All a form of stupidity
• Obviously harms their own country
• Forms of self destruction
• Comes from views out of alignment with reality, delusuons, strong us vs them views 
• Fear of weakness, try to appear strong, and create exactly what they fear the most 
• Create the weakness they fear in their country, display their fear of weakness to the world, and appear weak and not very smart 

Common sense is not so common 

• partly bc reflects our own biases and values, and the information available to us 
• My idea of common sense is inevitably different from yours 
• Eg for me, create a society aligned with ecological realities, but that’s not what most people want otherwise we would have it (they vote for parties with different priorities, and policies that reflect these priorities) 

Missed connection and making connections 

• Oslo-Barcelona 
• Felt like an orchestrated detour 
• Of course, a story, don’t really know 
• But was as if and better than planned 

What’s taught in school 

• seems a bit random, much of it not very practical 
• And many essential topics left out 
• Life skills we all need, benefit from 

Thomas Merton not acknowledging a student’s amazing mystical experiences 

• has seen a lot of them 
• Know it’s not what is about (although can open doors and so on) 
• So move on 
• Demonstrated moving on 
• But may be more helpful to acknowledge and explain and move on 

What’s primary for us 

• friend independent of species 
• Human before ethnicity 
• Consciousness before physicality 

But what has puzzled Kohler is evidence from his archaeological research that shows not every prolonged drought led to the demise of a Puebloan society. He says it was only the socially polarized communities that appeared to collapse during a climate crisis. “What I think happened is that some people in these villages had more wealth, or maize production, than others,” explains Kohler. Over time, tensions built between the haves and the have nots. “If there were pre-existing social divisions during a climatic downturn, then you had the potential for violence and village life was thrown into chaos.

Kohler notes that when he found evidence of village members living at the same social level, it appeared they were able to survive a similarly challenging drought by “pulling together and making things work”.

Art school 

• teachers, model abuse behavior, harsh criticism, knee-jerk behavior, one side views etc 
• Rationalize by saying that that’s how the world is so need to get used to it
• Seems very flawed to me
• Instead, can model and help people set clear boundaries, call out abuse, 
• Learn to see that those who behave in that way act on their own pain 

The only way “out” is to find peace with what’s here as it is 

• anything else creates more discomfort (bc is out of alignment with reality) 
• Engaging in / putting hopes in fighting, manipulating etc doesn’t work, it’s a dead end, futile, only adds more discomfort 
• Is a kind of panacea 
• Simplifies 
• And doesn’t l preclude being a good steward in a conventional sense, makes it easier 
• Allows for more clarity, kindness, receptivity, curiosity etc 
• Action comes from a different place, has a different color 
• Basic meditation, heart centered practices, inquiry etc all support this 
• And especially exploring over time, recognize the patterns and dynamics over time 

Retired 

• defined by what did, by work in the past 
• Telling and strange 

“When you fall in love with the unknown, you’re free.” 

• Byron Katie

The logic of awakening 

• what we are to ourselves 
• If experience, then happens within consciousness, including any ideas of what we are, consciousness is primary, it’s what we are to ourselves, and the world to us happens within and as what we are 
• Oneness, love 
• Capacity 
• Timeless. Space less
• Body as a dream 
• The world as Dreamlike – happens within and as consciousness 
• All, in a sense, logical and inevitable 

“Over 40% of Americans read at a sixth grade level or lower. We are literally the most stupid country in the developed world…. and by CHOICE. We have real knowledge, science and expertise at our fingertips yet people choose not to educate themselves in lieu of entertainment. It’s sad… In developing countries education is valued and people sacrifice for it. We dismiss and reject it. Thus, way too many of us lack critical thinking skills and dismiss truth in favor of lies simply because they are dramatic.”

• Susan Jane

Queen 

• a human more than a role, but treated as a role and lived the role
• ….
• A human being, born into a role 
• Fulfilled the role very well 
• At the same time, many other sides to it 
• Born into and expected to fulfill, undemocratic 
• Can have a lot of sympathy with her bc of abandoning many personal wishes and dreams, and not sharing personal views 
• Projection object, archetype, a big reason why so many are fascinated by her 
• Colonialism, obviously not responsible for it but did support it through how she played her role, was the face of colonialism and the many horrors connected with it 

The value in worrying

• can make use of anything
• Find how it’s most useful for me 
• Can use emotions and startes 
• With worry
  • Use it to examine a situation, see if can do something different with the situation, take care of something 
  • Also, see where it comes from, examine stressful beliefs, find healing 
  • Notice it happens within and as what I am 

Deleiro místico 

Mystical delirium 

A small interpretation of awakening is easier understandable, while a big interpretation may be more accurate

• Small interpretation, doesn’t rely on anything we cannot check for ourselves 
• All the characteristics of awakening makes more sense, closer to what we already are familiar with 

Parallel universes 

• Imagine possibilities that say something about our hopes, fears, and what’s in us 

It all ends up in (as) love 

• what’s behind identifications, beliefs, hangups 
• The only thing that makes sense – find love for what’s here 
• When notice what we are, find its love – independent of feelings or states 

“In order to become myself I must cease to be what I always thought I wanted to be, and in order to find myself I must go out of myself, and in order to live I have to die.” 

— Thomas Merton

• die as human to find ourselves as what we are 
• Identity dies

The logic of awakening

• Any experience happens within and as consciousness, including what thoughts tell me I most fundamentally am
• So to myself, I inevitably am consciousness and the world happens within and as what I am 

Liberation

• Noticing our nature is only the first step, sets the stage
• The real liberation is of the many parts of us still operating from separation consciousness
• Inviting these to liberate, supporting them, creating the right atmosphere for them, doing inquiry with them, inviting them to notice their own nature 
• Liberate all metaphorical beings in our own psyche, all the different parts 

Training a more stable attention

• Can train just about anything, and so also attention
• Helps just about anything – any task, and also a sense of well being 
• So why not more widespread? 
• Is happening, but lack tradition for it in the west 
• Easy to imagine it being part of schools, work, etc. in the future
• Especially since have so many benefits and very few drawbacks 

Free will? 

• Look at from different perspectives
• Live as if there is, take responsibility for our actions
• Look at where any desire for free will may come from, reaction to an issue? Painful belief or identity? 
• Examine to find what’s more true and real
  • everything has infinite causes 
  • The divine is everything we are in a conventional sense and everything in the wider world and all of existence, unfolds as all of it 
  • It’s all happening within and as oneness, seamless whole 
  • Same creativity through the field, the road is (likely) created as it all moves on
  • This creativity within us can appear as free will, and in the wider world as life just doing its thing 
  • It’s all life doing its thing as and through us and others and the wider world 
  • It’s the divine unfolding through and as everything, and when it unfolds as us, it sometimes calls it free will or no free will 
  • ….
  • Big interpretation – it’s all the divine, the divine exploring, expressing, experiencing itself as all, who and what we are and the wider world, and calls it free will sometimes (or no free will) through and as us 
  • Small interpretation – 
  • ….
  • Recognize as the creativity of the one, much more satisfying than the whole question of free will 
  • The desire for free will, often comes as reaction to an issue, trying to compensate for something, for instance feeling confined, limited, etc. 
  • ….
  • Creative unfolding of life/the divine as us and the wider world (in a conventional sense) 
  • And call it “free will” when it comes to us 
• ….
• It’s all the divine 
• Life is the divine
• This life, this human self in the world, is the divine 
• All part of the same whole 
• What a thought may call “inside” and “outside” is all part of the same whole 
• So there are both, and reality is always more than and different from our maps 
• It’s all the movement of the divine as this human self and this life, and as the wider world and all of existence 
• It’s not really a paradox, appears that way when thoughts operate from separation consciousness 
• ….
• Direct perception / our reality – oneness, 
• Reality itself – still oneness, one seamless whole, 

“What we discover in the Work is how to intervene – how to be our own grace.” 

– Byron Katie

The question is not whether it’s a good movie. On its own, I think it’s fine. The question is how well it serves the overall story and the trilogy it’s part of. And in that context, I see it as a disaster.

• Dr Strange in the multiverse
  • Wanda -> Scarlet Witch
    • Allows her reaction to her pain/trauma to consume her 
    • Reactivity – anger etc. 
  • One way to deal with trauma, one way of coping
    • Along with many others, more or less damaging 
  • Another is to befriend the pain, come to terms with it, allow it, allow it to humanize us 

What is the soul?

• If anything, then in between who and what we are 
• Is content of experience
• Not what we more fundamentally are 
• During initial awakening phase
  • Experienced what seemed like several energetic points / fields above me, about 5-20 meters 
  • Seemed connected to the awakening 
  • And not my most fundamental nature (although made up of it as anything else) 

My own process 

Spiritual ideas? 

• Some like to dismiss words about spirituality or our nature 
• Why? I am not sure 
• In my experience
  • Any mental representations happen within and as what I am, point to what I am no matter what they words are about 
  • Are a mirror, can always find something they are pointing to in me 
  • Is a natural part of the exploration, just like when we explore anything – natural to map it, share, and so on 
  • Are essential for helping us navigate and orient the terrain 

Shrink

• Someone who makes someone’s head smaller, shrink them 
• Says something about the approaches it may apply to 
• E.g. any approach that has a more cynical view on humans 
• Other approaches, enriches our life, brings out our potentials, allows us to live more fully 

Life doesn’t have rules

• We have laws, regulations, culture, norms, values, customs etc.
  • All help society to function
• At the same time, life doesn’t have rules
• We may have shoulds and expectations which our mind creates in order to feel a little more safe
• But they are mind-created, not inherent in life 
• We don’t have to follow any of it 

Science and awakening 

• can study 
• Also inevitable from a certain logical point of view 

Waking up issues 

• consciousness eagles up to itself, where it takes the form of the issue 
• That part of consciousness wakes up to itself 

A longing for home, and coming home here and now 

If it doesn’t work, change it 

• orientation, approach/tools, guides 
• Usually notice if works very soon 

Exploring our nature

• Put in a weird category, different from other explorations

A different motivation for exploration makes it into a different exploration

• eg yoga, meditation, inquiry etc 
• Can be used for short term relief, gain etc, which is good, can be helpful 
• Or to find truth, love, etc 
• Becomes something different in each case, one is not inherently better than the other, and the first can lead to the second 

Channeled info

• Honesty vs dishonesty – named Vs don’t know but knows it’s often valuable info 
• Use as a mirror, as anything else 
• Hold it all lightly, use common sense, make use of whatever resonates 
• Know that you are your own final authority, you make the decisions no matter what 
• Would not use it as a trusted source for anything, especially things like medical advice (no medical qualifications), would be like taking medical advice from some random person on the street  

“The embodiment of realization can be a really humbling experience. Finding the divinity in limitations is a whole other freedom.”

~ Adyashanti

Silent Retreat Vol. 70 ~ Q&A

bit.ly/2KehKHF

“Don’t try to be smarter than the truth, that’s what got you in trouble last time.” 

• ST Strange New Worlds S01E07 

Nature analogies

• Easy to come up with / understand
• Familiar 
• Puts our own life / processes in a different context for us 
• And may point to more universal / underlying processes, patterns, dynamics in life, how the universe unfolds 

Have to face everything eventually 

• especially on an awakening path 
• The oneness we are brings up new parts of itself so it can recognize it as itself 
• And that includes anything unprocessed, any unexamined beliefs, anything unfelt, unloved, unrecognized as our nature 

spiritual high plateau – Maslow 

• Is awakening high or low? 
• Just depends on how we look at it, can find validity in both
• For me, mostly low, a ground, just the ground noticing itself as all there is

“Vi er ikke mennesker”

• overhørt i Oslo 

“Everything is consciousness”

• yes to us it’s inevitably that way, whether we notice or not 
• But it doesn’t mean reality is that way 
• For me, feels better to be honest, not take projections as reality 

“The world is like a dropped pie most of the time. Don’t kill yourself trying to put it back together. Just grab a fork and eat some of it off the floor. Then carry on.” 

— Elizabeth Gilbert

“You think you want your plan. You don’t. You want what is.” – Byron Katie

Some dismissive of watching series / movies 

• Obviously depends on the balance 
• But in general, often very enriching
  • Learn about universal human dynamics – psychological and sociological 
  • Learn about human lives across the world, different cultures (esp. if watch international series/movies, and why wouldn’t we?) 
  • Also, all is a mirror for myself, can find it all in myself – which is enriching and important 

Political debate about energy prices in Norway

• The only sane person was a protester shouting “declare climate emergency” 
• And everyone will know that in a few decades 

Portray sober life as a problem, a symptom of a problem, seems a bit absurd, nothing wrong with going through life sober, without using alcohol as an excuse for behavior we otherwise wouldn’t engage in, or using it as medication to temporarily feel better about ourselves or the world, much better to live sober 

What is cosmic consciousness? 

Awakening is a kind of maturing 

• Notice any content of experience comes and goes 

Hverdagsmystikere 

Everyday mystics / regular folks mystics 

Learn your theories well but put them aside when you confront the mystery of the living soul.

– C. G. Jung

• Goes for anything in life 
• Learn the skills, get to know the maps, etc. 
• And set it all aside when doing the direct explorations 
• Allow it to be in the background to guide, but emphasize receptivity, curiosity, sincerity 
• Allow natural wisdom and intelligence to surface 

Is the divine 

• is the divine that’s attached, not you 
• Shift perspective, more real, see what happens 

Awakening and maturing

• Awakening comes from a kind of maturing
  • Ripe, ready 
• Maturing also happens w/in awakening
  • Human self matures w/in awakening
  • Our relationship to the awakening and everything matures 

Fear behind sadness, anger, and reactivity in general 

• find fear behind any kind of reactivity 
• Connect with it, find the story 
• Fear is vulnerable, and reactivity (blame, sadness, anger, compulsions etc) feels less vulnerable so a bit safer, but is not
  • Is more closed 
• Fear feels more alive, receptive, alert, while reactivity feels more dull, closed, protected 

Need economic system aligned with ecological systems 

Have never had before so will be new

Different from what we know 

Now and in the future 

• One crisis after another – related to ecology (unraveling of ecosystems, climate crisis) 
• Governments focused on crisis management 

Someone addicted to Korean boy band

• Present facade of perfection, with nothing inside 
• Attracted to bc want the same, don’t want to feel, don’t want to meet what’s inside 

Magic tricks

• Method, effect, artistry, science – all important dimensions
• The more I know about the methods, the richer my experience is – whether I understand the (or one possible) method for a trick or I am completely baffled 
• So also with the mind, the magic tricks of the mind
• The more I have explored the methods, the richer and more enjoyable is the experience 

I am not a magician but I love magic and know quite a lot of the methods. I find that the more I know the methods, the more I enjoy and love watching magic. It vastly enriches the experience for me. It means I can enjoy the method, the effect, and the artistry that goes into it.

Truman show 

• Wake up from the illusion to reality 
• Recognize that thoughts are thoughts, not any full or final truth – one at a time or more wholesale (and even then often need to examine several thoughts to get more clarity) 
• Wake up from the trance of taking oneself as exclusively something w/in content of experience and finding oneself as capacity + what the world to us happens within and as 

“Det handlar aldri om at eg føler at eg gjorde noko veldig kult, men at eg gav noko som gjorde heilskapen kul. Det er veldig nice!”

• Veslemøy Narvesen

Judge John Hodgman 

• one presents a case, often seems obviously in the right 
• The other presents, and typically get a whole different perspective, sometimes turns it upside down 

Psychology is in its infancy

• Seems obvious
• Very young science 
• Haven’t adopted a lot of the insights from other traditions, e.g. Buddhism 

Healing method 

• visualize others as whole, healed, mature, awake 
• Dialog with them 
• See more clearly that they acted from wounds, hangups 

“You can only see what you believe – nothing else is possible.” – 

Byron Katie

• yes and no 
• May be accurate in the context she said it, but not in a more general sense 
• Things happen in the sense fields 
• Overlay of mental representations to make sense of it 
• Don’t need to hold it as any final or absolute truth, although parts of our system sometimes / often does 

Finding simple and easy ways 

• had to bc of cfs and dark night / loss of willpower 
• Follow inner guidance, what feels right in my body (do the test of needed) 
• Do something when I am moved to do it, wait until it comes to me naturally to do it, wait for the natural inner movement 
• Sometimes, do small steps as it comes to me to do them, makes it easier 
• Have lists, do one thing, the thing I am drawn to, and then another when I am drawn to it 
• Nothing very mysterious, feels natural and simple 

How I use channeled info

• take it as a dream, as anything else
• a mirror for myself, find the different elements and dynamics in myself
• definitely don’t take it for medical advice or life advice, unless it happens to correspond to advice from medical professionals or my own guidance and best judgment 
• We are always our own final authority 

States vs deeper transformation 

• some, eager to interpret states as sign of deeper transformation
  • Do a session, workshop etc and feel better, shift into a state our personality likes 
• Wishful thinking 
• A more sober approach is to identify a state as a state and see patterns over time, and even then not jump to any conclusions 
• We cannot how for certain 

Meeting our experiences with skill and experience 

• makes all the difference 
• If with little/no skill, likely to not do much, will only be uncomfortable
• Which is why “meet your experience” and similar pointers is not so valuable in itself, needs to come with specific instructions and really training 
• Needs to be trained over time, under guidance 
• Trained in one or all, as example
  • Basic meditation
  • Train more stable attention 
  • Inquiry about meeting 
  • Notice our nature 
  • Dialog 
  • Heart centered 
  • Befriend and awaken 

My experiences with dark nights

• what is a dark night?
  • Can be understood in a secular/conventional sense, as a metaphor for a difficult period of life with an existential flavor
  • Can also be understood in the context of the awakening process
    • The essence –> life – situations, something in us – rubs up against our beliefs/assumptions/identifications 
• In my life
  • Teens
    • Teen angst, prior to shift 
    • May have set the stage for the shift, the shift happened as a safety valve (?) 
  • Twenties
    • Went against a clear inner guidance, caught in fear, felt deeply off track, distress, more and more off track over time
  • About ten-fifteen years ago
    • Loss – illness, marriage (good thing), house, belonging, money, friends, community,
    • Trauma surfacing
    • Disorganization, bad decisions even when know what the good one would be, out of character 
• How to relate to dn, what can help
  • For me…
    • Being in nature, walk barefoot if possible, swim, walk, hike, run etc. 
    • Some energy work – acupuncture, VH 
    • Finding others who have gone through something similar 
    • Follow inner guidance, authenticity, sincerity 
    • Inquiry on what’s coming up 
    • Heart-centered practices  
    • Recognize all of it as Spirit, a flavor of the divine, happening within and as what I am 
    • Befriend and awakening process 

Match

• Why write about this if others can talk about similar things in a much better way (more clear, from more experience)
  • The simple answer is that I am drawn to it, follow an impulse, is enjoyable, feels right (for whatever reason), do it for myself  
  • Also, recognize that some may be of use for someone else, may be a match with what they need now, may not be aware of others talking about this, the way I express something may resonate (even if it’s just once for one person then its worth it)  
• Match
  • Art, music, etc.
    • has all the elements we are all aware of – part of a culture, individual expression, skills, technical mastery, innovation, heartfelt, etc. 
    • Also equally or more important in a practical sense, if it’s a match, if it’s a match with someone, resonance, if it touches someone, even just one person 
  • And so also with any spiritual sharing
    • Is more or less accurate, clear, etc. 
    • And if it’s a match with someone, resonance,
      • a complex topic
        • Can be inaccurate, misleading, encourage wishful/fearful thinking etc.
          • In which case, mirrors something in the person, gives them a chance to learn, if they insist on following it  
        • Can be accurate enough for a certain phase, help people with the next step for them, and then something else is more helpful  

What I leave out / peripheral to awakening 

• tend to take a pragmatic approach and focus on the essence
  • what works, what helps us notice our nature, what helps us live from this noticing 
• leave out magical thinking, wishful/fearful thinking, or more peripheral and inconsequential things
  • less consequential -> meditation posture, diet, breathing etc.
    • has an impact, but doesn’t prevent noticing our nature and living from it 
    • and a lot of other things, everything in our life, has a similar low-to-moderate impact on our mind 
    • chose to usually not mention it since is peripheral and is not a dealbreaker unless in extreme situations (e.g. eating foods that has a major impact on our health and ability to focus on something) 
  • also, magical thinking, wishful/fearful thinking
    • astrology, have to do something on a certain day etc. 
    • acting out of fear from what may happen after die, in future lives etc.
      • if have that fear, better to address the fear directly through inquiry, befriending etc. 
    • acting out of wishful thinking
      • E.g. if get the attention of a spiritual master or someone enlightened, will help me awaken 
    • Is often innocent, but can be a distraction, and does reflect something unexamined in us
      • often good to address what’s behind our draw to it  
      • Help us clarify something, heal, mature a bit 

Sharing on the spiritual path / in an awakening process

• Sharing is one of the themes or threads in an awakening process
• We may share our experiences, pointers, and so on
• Often happens informally 
• If we share honestly from our own experience, then of value 
• Some will have more experience, more familiarity with aspects of the terrain and so on, and we can always learn from each other
• Even someone with less time on the path may have valuable insights and experiences in certain areas, beyond what those with apparently more experience may have   
• May also happen with more explicit and clearly defined roles
  • E.g. coach – student 
  • these are roles we play in a certain setting and for a period of time, nothing more, it’s not “what we are” 
  • Here too, the learning goes both ways, especially if there is receptivity for it  
• In my case, happy to share, sharing in a community of explorers, not so interested in formalized roles, more egalitarian oriented (which doesn’t mean that all insights and pointers are equally grounded in reality, equally useful, and so on)   

Recognizing our nature through veils

• we can recognize our nature through veils 
• what is our nature?
  • capacity for the world as it appears to us
  • what the world, to us, happens within and as 
  • the oneness the world to us happens within and as 
  • what a thought can call consciousness 
  • similar to a dream in that any content of experience (a) is created by the mind and (b) happens within and as the consciousness we are
    • created by the mind in the sense of constructed, in the way science sees it 
    • doesn’t mean the world in itself isn’t real 
• what are these veils made of?
  • thoughts held as true – assumptions, beliefs, identifications
• examples
  • any conceptual idea not reflecting actual noticing here and now
    • only veils and nothing else 
    • may have reflected actual noticing at some point, but not in the moment 
  • noticing filtered through ideas / veils
    • God is all, except…
      • recognize oneness and the consciousness nature of all as it appears to us 
      • and yet don’t include this human self and anything associated with it  
    • I am one with nature / all
      • notice oneness but with a mental overlay of being an I one with all 
      • may be a sense of the oneness we are 
      • filtered through thoughts trying to make sense of i
      • so comes out that way
      • isn’t wrong, but is filtered and limited and typically includes the idea of a separate I 
    • oneness w. sense of doer, observer etc.
      • oneness may recognize itself 
      • and yet also take itself to be a somewhat separate something – doer, observer, victim, genius, etc.
        • doer or observer bc quite basic mental concepts and identifications
        • victim bc of old unresolved issues at human level 
        • genius (or similar) bc take these insight to adorn the human self 
        • all bc unexamined 
    • oneness confused w. an overlay of mental representations
      • oneness notices itself and its nature
      • and is slightly distracted by its mental representations of the same
        • mental representations of capacity, oneness, love, etc. 
        • mental images and words 
      • confuses the two, to some extent 
      • can clarify by recognizing and examining these mental representations, makes it easier to recognize them and differentiate from what they point to 
    • my nature is this amazing state
      • experience states fascinating and enjoyable to our personality 
      • thoughts call this the divine or awakening 
      • and we end up seeking it, although since it comes it also always goes 
      • may be a noticing of our nature in this or not – oneness, love, etc.
        • although this love is not a state or experience, it’s not dependent on a feeling or any particular content of experience 
  • all of it happens within and as the oneness we are
    • is oneness recognizing itself 
    • While also being partially fascinated with its own mental representations
    • Confusing its mental representations with its nature and directly noticing this nature 

• “I am God”
  • technically not wrong
  • but tends to reflect inflation
  • recognize oneness but thoughts take it and assume separate self that is God (the worst of the worst) 

Mystery of existence / absent of I 

• mystery of existence
  • a mystery in several ways
    • what we are not familiar with yet is a mystery to us, in the world and about ourselves 
    • we only think we know, we don’t really know – there is a mystery in what we think we know, reality is always more than and different form our ideas about it 
    • our nature is a mystery to itself – we are and live the mystery 
  • absent of I
    • what we are is absent of a separate I 
    • to ourselves, we are oneness 
    • and any sense of being anything within the content of this oneness, the content of experience, comes from mental representations, holding mental representations as what we are 

Dreams august 9 2022

• dream one: Russia attacking Norway with rockets and planes (recurrent dream for some months) 
• Dream two: I take care of a girl (10-12 years). She is Norwegian, in Latin America, and without parents to take care of her. I am not fully aware of her situation. A Norwegian family comes who knows her and they will take her back to Norway and take care of her. 

Dream august 6 2022

• live in Funchal, have two apartments, peaceful, calm 
• More an image than story 
• Feels like already happening 

Dream July 30 2022

In Barichara, mostly the town, buying developing and selling property, community, rich, fun, feels right 

Here, the sea is inside you, it’s inside people  

This is perhaps meant metaphorically, but it’s also literally true. 

My experience of the world happens within and as what I am. It happens within and as what we can call consciousness. 

And when we live with something in the world long enough, it’s perhaps easier to notice that it’s inside us.

The (seductive) attractiveness of certainly 

• for some, and some parts of us, apparent certainly is attractive 
• Can feel safe, play into our wish to be saved etc
• But the reality is we are not certain, it’s all questions about the world, more or less informed 
• Why the more mature sometimes may seem less attractive, bc acknowledge the uncertainty 

Petroleum industry disinformation campaign about climate crisis 

• Obviously flawed, front figures often not experts in the field 
• Adopted by dine for emotional and identity reasons 
• An example of how some people think they are very smart (holding anti climate crisis views), and in reality are gullible and manipulated 

Human before ethnicity 

• when read about human migration, cultures around the world etc 
• Always see it as we, as us humans 
• Ethnicity is there but secondary or even less important 

Conscious story is not the same as resolving anything 

• two in Norway seemed to assume so 
• That some “insight” / story about is enough to resolve am old childhood trauma 
• Seemed shocked that it wasn’t enough (one spiritual teacher, one psychologist) 
• It may be the first step, but a lot more is required 

When bad foods are medicine 

• some foods typically very bad for me, feel worse 
• When my system is struggling, some of these foods may be medicine, help my system shift out of it 

Breathing / other times 

• strong reaction in my system 
• Strong discomfort, fatigue
• Sense of a soup of old preverbal issues surfacing, nothing very clear 
• Fills all of existence, no sense of it as an object to relate to 
• Then fades a bit, can relate to it as an object before goes more out of conscious awareness again 
• Assume it’s preverbal, fills the whole world, 
• When happens, easiest to not be around people for a while 
• Part of deeper healing process 
• My strength gone, so all of this can come to the surface 
• For decades, system was much stronger, including the parts holding issues away from conscious awareness, couldn’t access many old issues even when tried and suspected they were there, under the surface, 

Add photo in bio 

July 24

Own large land in Montana 

Group of macho locals come and want to kill a family of bears

I take action and want them to take the legal consequences 

July 22 

In Portland, we can live there in the house of a Danish woman who is very welcoming and generous 

I meet another woman I feel an instant connection with, when I tell her I am interested in her, through a joke, she is very interested in me and wants to join our marriage, it feels very right (I joke that she can join our marriage, and she is immediately excited and interested) 

July 19 

Dream 

Eva Skoe

Talk about doing PhD 

She knows it’s important for me 

Encourages me

She knows Birgitte who also knows it’s important 

Birgitte goes to her for conversations / therapy 

A knowing beyond the conventiinal

More of a sensing, connection with the divine

The divine knows it’s important 

Very special connection 

Mother son connection 

Dreams July 16

• archeologists 
• Ridiculously nostalgic in dress, car etc 
• Location also as if from a movie 
• All the stereotypes at once and heightened 
• Day residue – jurassic world 
• Nostalgia for me in daily life, in a similar way 

July 16 

Kanzeon people today 

• different location 
• Sesshin
• I was told I qualified now for a new position I had never heard of 
• Also the cook wanted me to help in the kitchen, most prestigious job 
• (felt seen, included, one of them, alchemy, feeding) 
• After – Shared w. Danny, told me a retreat with the old community is happening in 2-3 weeks 

A man talked about his early life, lived in a place where there was a real community, like a big family (history of english language example, podcast?) 

Civilization is ending and people choose to use their energy on harebrained conspiracy theories? What we know is happening is fast worse than what’s supposed to be happening according to various conspiracy theories. They are a distraction from what’s actually and already happening. 

The effects of the befriend and awaken process 

• shifts relationship to triggered and trigger 
• Helps parts of us join in with the awakening, reorient, realign 
• Helps us shift relationship with life in general, a little, reminder, new groove / habit, 

Reactions to noticing / finding ourselves as our nature

• if notice through guided inquiry
  • may seem to easy, too familiar 
  • may not see any use for it 
  • and may get fascinated, intrigued, follow up on it 
  • upside – is simple, familiar, undramatic, so easier to get a sense of the essence of it 
  • downside – may seem too obvious, simple, familiar, not exotic or dramatic enough 
• if find ourselves as our nature more wholesale, with or without previous practice and intention
  • often a mix
  • a shock, surprise, astonishment
  • very familiar, obvious, simple 
  • may get caught up in side-effects, fireworks, bells and whistles
  • upside – undeniable, grabs our attention
  • downside – can get caught up in side-effects, chasing side-effects and states 

Hollywood dream factory 

• Intentionally creating and fueling an image, a good projection object / objects 
• Fascinating to see the process and how people buy into it 
• Happens in many areas of life
  • Including religions, spirituality 
  • Many who sell awakening 
  • Manifacture dreams, encourage projections 
• Same in our life, we are our own dream factory
  • Manufacture dreams, projections 
  • Has a function
    • Creates motivation, drive, desire, help us move (are other ways, of course, that are more conscious and peaceful) 
    • Also, get to know what’s in us in that way, and can then find it in ourselves, have the possibility 

Lack of intellectual honesty in spirituality

• Don’t differentiate between small and big interpretations of awakening
• Say are interested in awakening but don’t use the effective methods out there 
• Go into wishful and fearful thinking
• Go into magical thinking 
• Don’t apply the insights to all areas of life 
• Of course, a lot has to do with maturity 
• Applies to all of us, we all do it, have blind spots  

Inner voice / orientation / touch stone 

• Adya – there is further to go 
• Ale – don’t be attached 
• Per – not knowing, mystery, being / living the mystery 
• All the same, flavors of the same 

A moment, bitter:sweet 

• life is change, nothing lasts
• When we viscerally get it, live from it 

Healing along the timeline

• Myself at different ages + sometimes others I had a difficult relationship with 
• Ho’o, tonglen 
• Also, see myself and others as souls + mature, wise, loving – dialog with them, healing dialog
  • As they would be if mature, healed, wise, loving 

Richard lang 

• Innercraft interview
• become used to headlessness by being around headless people 
• Just as we got used to taking ourselves as a person by being around people who did the same 

Match 

• art, music
  • Yes, skill, quality etc counts 
  • And it’s also about the match, resonance, what the person get out of it, even reactivity (get to see something in oneself) 
• And is the same with spirituality sharing
  • Accuracy, level of insight etc counts 
  • And it’s also about match, resonance, if it helps people with their next step, etc 

The simplicity of being 

• Initial shift, even one dot on a paper was too much 
• Any word, too much 
• All the books in the world, not enough 
• Not because our nature is so exotic, or far away, or too amazing for words 
• It’s bc words are different in kind to what they point to (not just our nature but anything unless they refer to thoughts), it’s bc have to notice for ourselves and words are not enough (just like anything – food, travel etc), it’s bc what words point to is more than and different from the words and also simpler (again, like anything) 
• In a way, what we are is too simple, familiar, even obvious 
• Words can only be reports and pointers for own noticing
• When notice, find the simplicity of it 
• Nothing need to be manufactured or changed, can notice it here and now independent of any particular states or experiences 

Earth / future 

• optimism and pessimism doesn’t matter
• Just do what we need to do, what’s needed 
• Without too much focus on outcome since it’s it out of our hands anyway 

Spirit and ego

Two meanings of ego 

Psychological and spiritual context 

Hardly ever use the word in spiritual context 

Spirit takes the form of ego, is what makes up ego

The creativity of the mind 

Oneness forms itself into 

Spiritual people not innerested in effective methods 

• more about fantasies, wishful thinking 

Spiritual coach

• Practical pointers on very specific things, practices, the terrain 
• Just like sports coach, acting coach, mathematics, etc. 
• don’t take their advice on anything else, is not their business 
• Also, we are always our own final authority 

Orgasm vs ejaculation

• teens, explored the difference 
• Can have one without the other 
• Can regulate with intention 
• For me, whole being experience 
• The whole world experiences the orgasm 
• (not confined to physical body etc) 
•  

Awakening is not a state? 

• true in that is not about any particular content of experience 
• But is a state of oneness noticing itself, our nature recognizing itself 

Tradition vs terrain 

Whole system experience 

• taste, smell, feelings, orgasm etc 

The awakening process is an ongoing existential crisis 

• mild ongoing existential crisis 

Testable and ephemeral 

• awakening 
• Testable & makes sense 
• And ungraspable, unprovable 

Kate Bush 

• new generations discovering it 
• I loved her music when I was a teenager 
• And love that others are discovering it 

Threads/themes in an awakening process

• How looks in my life + graphs (!) 

Does it feel good to hold onto a stressful belief? 

rception of capacity, consciousness, and space when we notice our nature 

The beauty of sharing 

• Share our noticing, experience 
• Will inevitably reflect our culture, subcultures, influences, personal experiences, personal preferences, unprocessed hangups, wounds, trauma etc. 
• A beauty in the richness
  • Universal themes, noticing
  • And also always individual, unique, 
  • Can learn from others, new things to notice and explore, different ways of expressing it, and so on 
• Life exploring itself in always new ways, through and as all these onenesses we are whether we / life notice or not 

Jaques Cousteau 

• love for the ocean, animals, good heart 
• And a child of his times, a bit naive seen from our times, don’t fully see non-human species as much more like us than different from us, don’t fully understand ecological concerns 
• Captures a seal, kills when not necessary, etc, and also see that he learns from it and changes 
• Both valid 

Plane on conveyor belt 

• Seems obvious since the wheels are just spinning
• Says something about how the human mind sometimes works
  • Takes experience from cars etc. (know) and transfer to something else (planes, know less well) 
  • And assume it’s correct, unable to understand that it’s a different situation 

If you want to reduce suffering, do healing 

• If my my aim is to reduce suffering, I would focus on healing
  • Healing of the different parts of me 
  • Healing of my relationship to these parts + experiences 
  • Heart-centered practices, inquiry 
  • And as a bonus, noticing what I am – can also help with how we relate to our experiences 

The best miracles are born from truth

– Captain Pike, s01e04

• When aligned with truth / reality
  • Can make better decisions, more informed, grounded, 
  • More receptive to opportunities, shifts, new ways of relating to it 

Exploring my experience of a doer / observer 

Death of (large portions of) the insect world 

The invitation in my dark night of the soul

• viscerally recognize all as the divine 
• Including and especially that which my personality doesn’t like 

Learning to see 

• essential for art
• And changes our perception of the whole world 
• Learn to look at details in the context of other details and the whole
• Learning to notice details and while at once, at the same time 
• One of the main reasons I was so passionate about drawing, art, in my teens and early twenties 
• Noticed how it transformed my whole perception 

Sharing seeing our nature 

• Share in words, inherently imperfect
  • different in nature, map vs terrain, is about visceral noticing, pointers only 
• Every one shares it differently 
• The journey to it and within it is different, individual 
• And there are shared themes, aspects, etc. 
• A richness in it 

What’s dark? 

• Darkest side of us
  • We decide it’s dark and what’s inside and outside, where the boundary goes
    • The parts we struggle with, don’t want to be there, doesn’t fit our desired self-image, feel scared about, overwhelmed by, etc. 
    • Emotions, thoughts, memories, aspects of our personality
    • Experiences – sensations, mental representations 
    • Isn’t inherently “dark”, is only conceptual, we decide it is to us, that’s all
  • The fuller picture
    • Is part of the landscape of who we are, part of a whole landscape 
    • Has a lot more in it 
    • And is a seamless whole
  • Depends on how we relate to it
    • Can befriend it, find genuine kindness in how we relate to it, understanding, even a more conscious partnership 

Psychiatric illness + ideology, can fuel each other 

• some want to blame pst for not preventing, but these things cannot always be prevented. 
• Blame something or someone so can feel it’s controllable, but it’s not entirely controllable. Are things we can do but it’s ultimately uncontrollable in terms of competely preventing 

Ideas about future 

• Leave the future, apart from a menu of options 
• Recognize any projections into the future and what they are + emotional components 

People don’t vote bc their candidate will win anyway 

Never understood the logic 

Of you think that, a lot of other people will think the same 

So am even stronger reason to vote 

I love the mainstream 

• A lot of richness, things that work moderately well (within limits, and often not in the long run) 
• Learned to embrace, since often am fascinated by very marginal things, never have been very mainstream in interests and life  

I love the boring 

• a boring society, often means it works 
• Invitation to find inner richness, richness in how I relate to something 
• Love sober answers and solutions and ways of talking about things
• Love mundane solutions to apparent mysteries, show us our projections, impulser to go into fantasies  
• Often appear as boring – not much into partying etc, love silence, nature, noticing, learned to embrace it 

Feinman

• Pseudoscience, using abstractions when could be more specific
  • A little one sided in how he talks about it 
  • Also applies to spirituality 
  • Can do both – more specific and more abstract 
  • But important to ground it in the specific, real life examples, talk about the direct noticing and not just the more abstract, general 

Timelessness and death 

• can seem as if no death, since time happens within what we are 
• But that is our perception 
• May not reflect reality 
• Would appear that way when if we most fundamentally are this physical self 
• Bc even in that case, will be most fundamentally consciousness to ourselves 
• Personally, not honest to take the leap from our own perception to assuming reality itself is that way 

“As soon as the mind creates a distinction between “me” and experience, you create suffering.” – Adya

• Don’t notice the oneness we are and it’s happening as 
• “Me” is an idea, mental representations
• Experience is here and now, also with labels etc. 

An ordinary man seeks freedom through enlightenment. An enlightened person expresses freedom through being ordinary.

Adyashanti.

Not much patience for absurdities and nonsense 

• Spiritual groups, a lot of wishful and fearful thinking, and accepting what someone says as gospel truth
• Don’t have much patience for it 
• Understand it’s their path and process, and don’t really want to have much to do with it 
• Much more interested in honest exploration, see what I find for myself 
• Maybe one reason I don’t seem to stay very long in different spiritual groups 

Behave like a jerk bc main teacher behaves as a jerk

Never understood 

Authenticity and awakening 

• required to notice what we are and live from it 

Save the world?

• save my own world
  • Independent on what the world needs or don’t need 
  • Turn it around, to find what it more immediately is about for me (if I have the thought that the world needs to be saved) 
  • By finding my nature 
  • By supporting myself as i wish to be supported 
• Change
  • All is change
  • All will be gone
    • In conventional sense 
    • Here and now 
  • Cannot control, even if able to put things in place won’t stay in place etc 
• Lila
  • Play of life
  • Exploring itself in always be ways 
  • Radically unattached, happy to wipe the slate clean and inevitably will in a conventional sense and always and already do now 
  • Can find that in ourselves, our nature always explores itself in new ways, inherently and radically unattached 
• The world doesn’t need us
  • This living planet will continue with it without us 
• Already saved
  • To me, happens within and as oneness, consciousness aka spirit, the divine 
• Needs saving
  • Suffering, ecological disasters, economic system pretending there is no ecology etc 
  • Needs our help 
• Acting
  • Act on what we are drawn to 
  • Reduce suffering , a natural response 
  • In the context of oneness , change , Lila 
  • Helps me to hold it all more lightly 

“music today is crap”

• why need to see it this way?
• Identity?
• Only reveal ignorance, small mindedness

The upsides and downsides of lonely and unprepared shifts into noticing our nature 

• upside – not influenced by others, including what people have said about it, free to explore on one’s own 
• Downside – is lonely, no guide, nobody familiar with the terrain 

Original goodness 

Match

• Art, music 
• Relationships, jobs, places
• Healing, awakening 
• Sharing anything
  • I often enjoy things that may not be the “best” in different ways, but is a good match with me 
• etc. 
• All about match & fit 

When i listen to…, I see it as amazing music bc it’s a good match. But it’s not inherently amazing. Others see other music as amazing and I may find it boring or harsh or predictable. It’s in the match the magic happens. Q

I assume it wasn’t seriously meant, but toungue-in-cheek, so I responded in a similarly dumb way. We decide on candidates based on their intelligence, integrity, and heart, and their policies and whether or not these seem to benefit society as a whole. (And, in my case, whether they benefit the least fortunate amongst us, also since that tends to create a better and safer society for us all.) 

Is awakening a glitch? 

• Yes, no, and it depends 
• materialistic view, then kind of
  • Primarily human self
  • And to ourselves, consciousness 
  • Yes if separation consciousness give more advantage
  • No if oneness gives more survival advantage, although many draw to it traditionally took themselves out of the gene pool (monasticism) 
  • Also, lila, life exploring itself in always new ways 
• Spiritual view, not at all
  • Wake up to our nature, our nature wakes up to itself 
  • Separation consciousness, one phase 
  • Lila, play of life 
• In both cases
  • Separation consciousness must have some advantages, survival, Lila etc.
    • Survival (?) 
    • Part of Lila, life exploring itself 
    • Evolutionary phase? 
  • Oneness is our nature and may give survival advantage, collectively
    • Is our nature, so natural to find it 
    • Oneness may give collective survival advantage 
  • Lila, play of life, life exploring itself
    • As separation consciousness
    • Oneness
    • And the play between the two – the phases, interactions 

I prefer boring 

• boring pointers, less distraction 
• Invites my own initiative 
• Boring society, works and less exciting 
• Boring politicians who knoto w they are at the service of the people and life 

How i relate to others is how I relate to myself 

• Parts, similar 
• Happens within and as what I am 
• General orientation 

Dream 

Go to small town, plan to stay longer but leave same day 

Some good friends of mine do the same 

Also, they still have flights from Russia, didn’t seem right 

Speaking with parts of the body 

• What they need 

One has devoted his life to help those less fortunate than himself. The other is only in it for himself. 

Cats, very clear communication, just that most people don’t recognize it or ignore it 

Perception of the physical when we notice our nature 

• Body, physical world 

“To let go is to notice what’s already let go.”

– Adyashanti

• What we are doesn’t hold onto to anything
• Apart from through and as beliefs etc., reactions to unmet/unloved/unfelt/unexamined fear 

Every word is made up 

This is obvious, we know that every word and mental concept is made up. It was made up by someone and then changed through history by others who made their own version of it and passed it on to others who, in turn, made up their own version and passed it on. 

At the same time, I notice that a part of me tends to take words and concepts as true. They are operating from the innocence of a child and take what’s given to them as having some inherent truth and solidity. 

That’s where inquiry comes in. That’s where we are invited to explore more thoroughly and see what we find. 

Time and distance: How old am I? 

• passport
• Age of the universe 
• No age 

In the world, in my passport, to others, and to myself when I put on the identity of this human self, I am a certain age and it changes each year. 

In a more real sense, I am the age of this universe. Every atom this body is made up of is the age of the universe and the product of the evolution of this universe. The patterns making up this body and psyche are the results of billions of years of evolution of this universe. 

And to myself, in my own first-person experience, I am no age. I am what the world, to me happens within and as. I am what time and any ideas of age happens within and as. 

Exploration

• no goal, no finishing line 
• Ongoing exploration 
• Of who and what we are, and how we are wirth others and in the world 

What’s the main goal with all of this? With all the things I write about here? 

I prefer to see it primarily as an exploration. It’s not, most fundamentally, about healing or awakening or anything else, although I sometimes write about that. It’s an exploration of life and my own experience to see what I find. It’s an exploration of reality as it appears to me. It has no ultimate goal. There is no finishing line. It’s an ongoing exploration of who and what I am and how I am with others and in the world. 

Of course, there are smaller goals. I may wish to invite healing for how I relate to something, or for an issue in me. I may wish to notice my nature and live from it. And those smaller goals happen within the context of exploration. 

When I was a kid, I loved books about exploration, whether they were fictional or from life. And that love is still here and motivating all of this. 

I prefer to see all of this as an exploration. It’s not primarily about healing or awakening or anything else, although I sometimes write about that too. It’s an exploration of life and my own experience to see what I find. It has no ultimate goal. There is no finishing line. It’s an ongoing exploration of who and what I am and how I am with others and in the world. 

What is self-love? 

• Short version
  • An orientation towards and content of our experience
    • love in how we relate to our experiences 
    • Love for ourselves, the different parts of us, 
    • Love for others and the world as a whole, any part of the world 
• More in-depth
  • (a) what is self?
    • Our experiences 
    • Our human self 
    • The world 
  • (b) what is love?
    • Meet with compassion, empathy (heart centered practices) 
    • Understanding
      • See hangups, reactivity  comes from wanting to take care of us, from love 
      • See come from painful stories that are not as true as it may appear 
    • Big Mind / heart
      • Recognize as happening within and as what we are 
      • The nature of the experience is same as my nature 

How different practices creates a sense of space (AKA disidentification with an identity/issue) 

• Heart-centered
  • Ho’o, tonglen 
  • Thank you for protecting me, thank you for your love for me 
• Inquiry
• Basic meditation 
• Befriend & awaken 

One effect of many healing or awakening practices is to create a sense of psychological distance to identities or issues. 

Mainstream tv news in the US, makes me cringe, physically uncomfortable, lack of maturity (rare watching of clips on YouTube) 

VH example

• Bubble, fog, shoulder tension
• Can work on directly w. VH
• Don’t need to know exactly what it’s about in a psychological/life sense
• And often get a sense of it while working on it, becomes more clear 

No self? 

• Yes, no ultimately separate self 
• At the same time, this human being and self 
• And the Self that all happens within and as 
• All is valid in its own way 
• BM dialog

Self and self 

• self
  • Thought + sensations / belief 
  • Pretending to believe 
  • Temporary and local 
  • Human self here no matter what, content of sense fields the same 
• Self
  • Capacity + what the world happens within and as 
  •  

Violence in the US 

• in some ways, a firm of of low grade civil war 
• And can easily escalate, especially when fanned by people like trump 

“God made everything out of nothing, but the nothingness shows through.” – 

Paul Valéry

Vaccine, antibodies vs memory cells 

• Antibodies are supposed to go away 
• Memory cells make new when needed 
• Don’t understand much of the reporting around this
  • Present it as if it’s bad/wrong that the antibodies go away when it’s essential and healthy 
  • It’s the body’s ability to make new when needed that matters 

“A mature ego knows how to deal with its experience—in other words, it has found a way of dealing with the experience of being that works.”

~ Adyashanti

The Awakening of Wholeness

Mike Snider, Triune Self 

• Love this book 
• Listened to his two talks 
• Someone on a similar path, where it was revealed in the absence of any teachers or teachers 
• A lot of recognition although a lot of the particulars are different as well 

If ever confirm alien life 

• People are very adaptable 
• Life will continue much as before 
• And if actual contact, may not be good for us, typically isn’t for the lesser advanced civilization, no matter how good the intentions 

The question “why”

• same say to avoid it, there is no answer 
• For me, the question why seems valuable and fruitful 
• Depends on how approach it
  • If try to find meaning inherent in anything, dead end, fantasies, wishful/fearful thinking 
  • If find the meaning for oneself, the why, create it, then helpful 
  • Can also explore at another level
    • Why do I experience something? Can do I inquiry on, find how my mind creates the experience for itself
      • What belief created an uncomfortable experience / emotion / reaction 
    • Or what beliefs led to certain choices 

Autobiography 

• floating 
• Flashbacks / longing 
• Conscious of being conscious
  • Sat in a chair by living window, reading Donald duck, made a strong impression, 4-6 years old? 
• Cosmos, carl Sagan
  • Huge impact on me 
  • Many experiences of looking at the night sky and experiencing oneness, that I am the local eyes, ears, thoughts, and feelings of the universe, I am the universe bringing itself into consciousness 
• Atheist w. interest in the paranormal
  • Seemed absurd to pretend something is true just because someone tells me it is, without being able to check it for myself 
  • Religion seemed mostly like a crutch, for comfort, and dishonest if pretend to belive something we cannot check for ourselves 
• Fifteen, observer- observed duality
  • Also, beginning of cfs, seems two parts of same process 
  • Following eb infection 
• Sixteen, oneness
  • Everything turned inside out and upside down 
• Following years
  • Started seeing energies, first around leaves then around everything, don’t remember if it was before or after the awakening shift (was around that time in any case) 
  • Huge amount of energies, insights etc 
  • Didn’t find anyone expressing it very clearly 
• Reading
  • Capra, Jung, Bertelsen, Tibetan Buddhism, 
• Practice
  • Ngöndro, heart prayer, Christ meditation, 1-3 hours a day + heart prayer through the day 
• People
  • Two who recognized immediately 
  • Others dismissed, felt threatened (?) 
• Zen Center
  • BM process, 
• Some years with social engagement after moving 
• Then back into more serious practice 
• Dark night
  • Cfs, trauma, losses
  • Immense pain 
  • Disorganization, reflected in my life 

Early spontaneous awakening: what I would have told myself 

Cat experience 

Shaman, initiation, years in cave, kind of retreat 

• Face yourself, cannot escape 

In a democracy, it’s about the voters, more then the ones they vote for. Still, some like to blame the politicians. Why? Maybe because being honest and real makes it more personal? 

Where are you in a scale from 1-10

• anti vaccines
• Conspiracy theories 
• Get them to argue the other side, take that position 
• More aligned with truth, reality 

Ground it in the data

• gun cartoon 

Cycles

• If more in nature, naturally
  • early to bed and early up 
  • Main meal mid-day 
  • Not much of any food at night
  • Lots of water/liquid am and afternoon, less in evening so don’t need to get up during the night 
• In cities
  • Go to bed a little later (10pm), stay in bed a little longer 
  • Still wake up around 5am 

Relationships

• expect mind reading / not asking for what want 
• Emotional reasoning 
• Catastrophic thinking 
• Distorting what the other says 
• Making assumptions without checking 
• Reading things into what people say / do without checking 
• Instead of being honest with what feel, go into reactivity in words and actions 
• Comparing – w. exes etc 
• Assuming you know what psychological issues the other has 
• Jumping to elaborate conclusions while overlooking the simple and proximal ones 
• Jumping to scary conclusions, assume intentions based on your own issues and fears 

Politics 

• Use conservative values, religion
• To get poor people to vote for them 
• And use they power to ensure they stay poor, and the wealthy stay wealthy
• Vote against their interests 
• As old as civilization, and people don’t seem to learn 

Cat, fascinated by something above my head, frequently, following initial shift 

Soul recovery 

• Emotional issues / painful beliefs etc. 
• Creates stuckness, I and other, hinders parts of us from living, separates out parts of us 
• Healing = soul recovery, recovering alive parts of us 

Zandie quote

• written from perspective of separate self 
• Useful, connects with more people, more familiar to many 
• Can also write in a more accurate way, which will be less relatable to many 
• BM dialog
  • Are you presence? Yes, I am the presence that’s always here
  • Do you create the change? Hm, when I notice myself change happens, it makes it easier for healing and unraveling of old patterns to happen 

Arial phenomenon 

• if true, then difference between witnesses and may change a bit over time
• “can tell if they tell the truth “, no you can’t 

Designing a house 

• Natural and local materials, local traditional building techniques
  • Tapia pisada, wood, stones, clay roof tiles 
• Designed to shelter for the sun, using modeling software to look at sun/shade at different times of day/year
• Tapia pisada, keeps it cool (cools down at night, averages out the day/night temperatures to keep it cooler during the day) 
• Air flow 
• Get to use what I learned decades ago when I read everything I could find about natural building, watched innumerable videos, did workshops, helped people build etc. 

Why did Putin invade Ukraine? 

It was not because former Soviet countries joined NATO. Ukraine didn’t qualify and wouldn’t join NATO for the foreseeable future. And by invading a peaceful neighbor, Putin made sure currently neutral neighbors would join NATO for their own safety. 

Was it because Putin wanted to create a new Russian empire? Possibly. It seems to be part of the Russian mentality to want to create an empire and invade their neighbors. They have done it for centuries. 

Was it because his authoritarian project was threatened by a democratic, successful, and western-oriented neighboring country? Yes, very likely. Why would Russians accept an oppressive dictatorship when their close neighbor, with shared culture and history, was a successful democracy? 

Emotions 

• Evolution, useful energy, helps our survival in different ways
  • Anger – decisive, move through fears, take action 
  • Sadness – reflection, learn change, identify painful beliefs and question etc. 
  • Happiness – shows us what we enjoy in life and motivation to seek, also from gratitude 
• More fundamentally, from love, protecting this human self
  • Thank you for protecting me 
• Has a view, can dialog with, learn about its view, listen to what it has to say 
• If reactive, then a pointer to a belief which we can identify and examine 
• Happens within and as what we are, our nature is the same as the nature of emotions,
  • Flavor of the divine 

National pride? 

• Am grateful for many things about Norway
  • grew up there, beautiful nature, democracy, peaceful, relatively good social safety nets et. 
• But pride?
  • If I single-handedly made Norway – nature and all, then maybe 
  • But I didn’t do anything, I just happened to be born there 
  • Nothing to be proud of, nothing to hang it on 

Support Putin 

• For years, seen connections in social media take on his propaganda 
• People in the alternative world, wellness world etc 
• Bc he is critical to the west? As you are? 
• An enemy of your enemy is not necessary your friend 
• A dictator, suppression, kills opponents / critical voices, anti LGBT etc 
• Incredibly naive 

Dark night 

• health collapse 
• Survival fear 
• Trauma 
• Unhealed parts to the surface, filling my whole world 
• Decreased ability to navigate, take charge 
• Loss in all areas of life 

Beginners mind 

• orientation, helpful 
• Also, aligned with reality 
• When go out of, often unmet fear, unquestioned 

Related posts

• Befriending our younger selves
• It’s most fundamentally content of experience
• My experience of the world, this body, etc.
• Eyesight and CFS
• Awakening as a safety valve