In our healing explorations, we can focus on finding peace with our experience as it is.
And we can focus on freeing ourselves to take action that feels right.
The two not only go hand in hand but support each other.
FINDING PEACE WITH WHAT IS
Struggling with our experience is stressful. Not only that, it’s futile, a distraction, and it spends time and energy. We cannot do anything about the experience that’s already here. We get distracted from doing something about what we can do something about. And it takes our time and energy.
So it makes sense to find peace with what’s here. To find a more kind, informed, and skilled relationship with our experience. To find a more kind relationship with ourselves. (I have written about this in many other articles so I won’t go into it here.)
What’s the sign that we are struggling with our experience? Any stress is a sign.
FREE TO TAKE ACTION
The other side of this is to find freedom to take action.
What holds me back from taking action? What holds me back from acting as a kind and wise person would do in this situation? What holds me back from following my guidance and what feels deeply right to me? Or even, what holds me back from following my fascinations and impulses and see what happens?
What’s the sign that we are holding ourselves back from taking action? It can be a lack of fulfillment, resentment, missing out on opportunities, regrets of paths not followed, seeing others with the possibilities we have do things we wish to do and don’t, not acting on what feels right, not acting to create a better situation or life for ourselves, feedback from others on these things, and so on.
FINDING PEACE WITH GOING AGAINST MY GUIDANCE?
So what about finding peace with going against my guidance?
My experience is that if I have gone against my guidance in the past, it did create deep stress in me, but I can find peace with it now. I can see that it’s in the past. I paralyzed myself because of unresolved issues and unexamined and unloved fear. I can find understanding and compassion for my past self. I can even find some genuine examples of good things that came out of it. The stress around it fades and may even be impossible to find anymore.
If I am going against my guidance on a current situation, that too creates deep stress in me, and I can find some level of peace with it. Here too, I can find some compassion and understanding for myself. But if I continue to not act on my guidance, the stress remains and something definitely feels off.
The discrepancy creates stress in me that serves as a warning bell, and that’s here until I act on my guidance.
THEY SUPPORT EACH OTHER
The two – finding peace with what is and taking action – go hand in hand.
Finding more peace with what’s here frees me up to relate to the situation with more clarity and kindness. It frees me up to notice what action feels deeply right to me. It frees me up to act on it and do what’s needed. (If anything.)
And taking action often reduces some deep stress in me. When I act on my guidance and what feels deeply right to me, there is a deep sense of rightness and this gives peace. My actions may bring up other stress, but deep down it feels right.
There is mutual support between the two.
HOW CAN I FREE UP ACTION?
How can I free myself up to take action when it feels right? And how can I do it in more situations and areas of life?
I notice the signs of holding back action. I may notice directly that I am not acting on my guidance or what feels deeply right to me. And it can also be more indirect. For instance, lack of fulfillment. Resentment. Seeing others do what I want to do and could do but don’t. Feeling misunderstood or not seen. A sense of unfulfilled potential. Unlived dreams. Not acting in the way I know a sane, kind, and engaged person would in a particular situation. Others pointing this out. And so on.
I identify what holds back action. What do I fear would happen if I do it? What’s the worst that can happen? (Similarly, what do I fear would happen if I don’t do it? What’s the worst that can happen?) Which part of me is scared of the action? What’s my earliest memory of feeling that way? (Often, these patterns come from childhood experiences and situations.)
I explore these parts of me. What are the scary stories? What’s more genuinely true for me? What do these parts of me have to tell me? How would they like me to relate to them? Are they here to protect me? From what? Can I find genuine appreciation for them? How would it be to act against what they have told me in the past? How would it be to change my self-talk around this? How would it be to find self-talk that’s more sane, wise, kind, and engaged?
I can act in new ways. I can intentionally go against my old patterns of holding back. If that seems scary, I can start small and find more safe ways to do it, and then see if I want to expand.
In all of this, it can help to have someone guide us through it, keep us going, and hold us accountable (even if it’s simply by witnessing, that in itself can be powerful).
WHAT IS FREEDOM? AND HOW DO I KNOW WHAT’S RIGHT FOR ME?
There are a couple of more topics here worth mentioning.
I use the words “freedom” and “free” here, and it’s meant in one specific sense:
To find the freedom to act in a way that feels right in the situation we are in. It means to be able to follow our inner guidance and/or what’s authentic to us. To not be stopped by unexamined fearful stories, limiting identities, unloved and unmet fear, and so on.
Also, how do I know what’s right for me? For me, this typically comes from inner guidance or knowing, or just from what feels authentic, or what a kind and wise person would do in the situation.
In my experience, my inner guidance is clear and consistent. It doesn’t insist and doesn’t come with any stress. When I follow it, it feels right at a deep level. And things often fall into place. There may be other parts of me scared of following my guidance, and my struggle with these can create stress, but the guidance itself is free from stress.
I often explore this in daily life. I notice and explore following my inner guidance in small daily life situations. Situations that don’t have a big consequence so it’s easier to notice and follow my guidance.
Actions can also feel right because I follow what’s authentic for me. I am as honest with myself as I can be and see what actions follow. And act on it if I can (if I am not too caught up in stressful beliefs) and it seems kind and wise in the situation.
And I sometimes ask myself: What would a sane, kind, and wise person do in this situation?
In reality, it’s often a combination of the three. I notice what my inner guidance or knowing says. I explore what’s authentic for me if I am very honest with myself. And I check it with what (I imagine) a sane, wise, and kind person would do in that situation.
Almost always, these three match. (I cannot think of an exception.)
INITIAL OUTLINE
- finding peace with vs engagement
- finding peace with what is as it is
- notice by reactions to certain emotions/thoughts/sensations
- opening for engagement, activity, passion
- removing blocks, unexamined fears
- notice by lack of fulfillment, resentment, missing out of opportunities, lack of engagement, feedback from others that we are not living the life we want to live or could live
- …..
- finding peace with what is as it is
In our healing explorations, we can focus on finding peace with something as it is, and we can focus on opening up for engagement. And, as usual, the two go hand in hand.
……
THEY GO HAND IN HAND
The two go hand in hand.
Finding more peace with what’s here frees me up to relate to the situation with more clarity and kindness. It frees me up to notice what action feels deeply right to me. It frees me up to act on it and do what’s needed. (If anything.)
And taking action often reduces some deep stress in me. When I act on my guidance and what feels deeply right to me, there is a deep sense of rightness and this gives peace. My actions may bring up other stress, but deep down it feels right.
My experience is that if I have gone against my guidance on something in the past, it did create deep stress in me, but I can find peace with it now. If I am going against my guidance on a current situation, that too creates a deep stress in me, and I can to some extent find peace with it, but if I don’t act on it, something definitely feels off.
….
The approach is not really any different from any other healing, it’s just the issue(s) that are a little different.
….
I notice the signs of holding back action. Of not acting on my guidance or what feels right. Or not acting as a kind and wise person would do in the situation. As mentioned above, these signs may be a lack of fulfillment. Resentment. Seeing others do what I want to do and could do but don’t. Feeling misunderstood or not seen. A sense of unfulfilled potential. Unlived dreams. Not acting in the way I know a sane, kind, and engaged person would in a particular situation. Others pointing this out. And so on.
…..