I am visiting BH and his wife. Their house is beautiful, and it’s clear they enjoy beautiful, fascinating, and interesting objects. The house is next to a small river, and we dive from a part of the house overhanging the river. She starts kissing me while he is watching, and I participate without quite understanding what’s happening. In general, there is an atmosphere of enjoyment, freedom and that they have created a life where they bring their dreams into reality.
BH is a creator of short documentaries I follow on social media, and I know a little about his life through what he has shared. He is someone who does seem to bring his dreams, including the dreams of his boyish self, to life. He travels to exotic locations around the world, he collects fun and interesting things, they have created a beautiful home, and he is working on fun and interesting projects he is passionate about.
That seems to be the essence of this dream: Bringing what we wish to experience into life, in a playful and free atmosphere, and that includes both grown-up and childlike wishes.
Although I have followed and lived many of my dreams, at least for a while, I have also denied myself some essentials of what I wanted to experience and live. Often because of internalized shoulds from my family and culture, and also some hangups and limiting beliefs and identifications.
The dream may invite me to notice this and that I now have more freedom – inner and outer – to bring more of what I wish to experience to life.
What do I wish to experience? What are my deeper dreams and wishes? How can I bring it to life? What are the steps?
When I am at the end of my life, what kind of life do I wish to look back on? What’s in that life?
A few additions:
Why did I have this dream? Perhaps because my parents are moving out of my childhood home and I will live there for a few months getting it ready to be sold. (My mother already moved out, and my father moves out at noon today.) Also, I have the start of a new life at Finca Milagros in the Andes mountains, and I am considering if I also wish to live somewhere else. Costa Rica? Portugal? Who knows.
Why was I confused when she started kissing me? Because my mindset in the dream was a conventional and proper one, and she and they did something unconventional and “improper”. The dream showed me that my mindset is often less free than it needs to be.
What are some examples of what I haven’t allowed myself? (a) In the past, and especially in my teens and early twenties, I missed out on a series of possible relationships that I really wanted to experience. I wanted it, and the other too, but I was too shy (read: scared) and slow, the other assumed I wasn’t interested and moved on, and I deeply regretted it afterward. (b) I didn’t finish a degree I really wanted to finish, out of a misguided sense of loyalty to my then-spouse. I wanted to support her in her education, so I gave up my own. (That’s not the whole story, but an important part of it.) (c) I have hidden my history and fascination with awakening from most people in my life, including several spiritual coaches/teachers. I have possibly missed out on helpful interactions with fellow explorers. (d) I have not pursued further connections with spiritual guides/teachers I admire and feel a connection with, even if they saw me and wanted to have that connection. (Especially with teachers at Vækstsenteret in Denmark.) I have also not gotten involved with the Headless Way community even if I love that approach and how they do it, and they talk very clearly about what was revealed to me in the awakening shift in my teens.
Much of what I have regretted comes out of a dynamic in me of wanting to be hidden/seen. A fear of being seen and being visible (from family patterns and personal childhood experiences), and also wanting to be seen and being visible. There is a push and pull there, instead of a more healthy relationship with being seen, and more fluidity around it.
And what are some of the things I would like to bring into my life? (a) Being more real with people in my life. Be more open and transparent about my fascinations, interests, and history. (b) Pursue and nurture connections with people I really resonate with. Develop these connections further. (I sometimes let it go, even if I experience a deep resonance and/or curiosity.) (c) Enjoying the small things more fully. (I already do it but can nurture it even more.) (d) Travel and live in a few more places. (e) If possible, immerse myself in the regeneration and rewilding project at Finca Milagros. Share freely my experience with others. Create or support a local network of people doing the same. (f) Build one or more buildings on Finca Milagros, and design them mostly myself so I really love them. (g) Possibly write a book about what I explore in these articles. Instead of more articles, create more developed chapters for a book. That way, it may have a reach and lifespan beyond this website. (In some ways, it feels like each of these articles is a kind of rehearsal for book sections.) The nice thing about this list is that it’s all definitely doable. It’s more than possible. The main obstacle is within me. (h) Possibly get more involved in communities that deeply resonate with me, like Vækstsenteret in Denmark and the international Headless Way community.