What’s my experience of the world, this body, and so on?
It’s multifaceted and depends on where the focus of attention is.
CONSCIOUSNESS
When I look, I notice it’s all consciousness. It’s all happening within and as a field of consciousness, and within and as what I am. This experience is always here, and I am reminded of it when I bring attention to it. As soon as attention is brought to it, it’s unavoidable to notice.
For instance, where my imagination says my body is, I notice sight (what my thoughts may label pants, arms, a blurry nose). I notice sounds (that my thoughts may label fingers on the keyboard, slight sound of pant legs). I notice sensations. And it’s all consciousness with those things happening within it, and temporarily and locally taking those forms.
LABELS
The word “consciousness” is obviously a label and a pointer. It’s something used for communication – sometimes with myself and sometimes with others.
What it refers to is just what’s here. It’s what I am and all I have ever known. Labeling it makes it sound far more like a “thing” than it is, and for more like something that can be easily defined than it is.
That’s the same with anything we label. It’s all much less of a “thing” and much less easily defined than labels can give an impression of.
WHAT “I” REFER TO
And “I” here refers to… nothing in particular. It’s more of a conventional way of talking about it.
It can refer to the field of consciousness as a whole, operating through and as this particular human self.
Or can refer to this human self.
It doesn’t really matter since it doesn’t really apply.
HABITUAL PATTERNS
Sometimes, I notice my psyche reacting to experiences from habits, hangups, wounds, and so on. That may play itself out to some extent and there is some engagement with and fueling of it.
Or there is more space for something else to come in. For instance, it may be noticed and then there is no more fueling of it.
Or a medicine is applied, like noticing it’s happening within and as what I am, it all has the same nature. Or the validity in the reversal of the stressful thought behind the reactivity. Or ho’oponopno, tonglen. Or something similar.
A SENSE OF “I”
Sometimes, there is a habitual sense of an “I” here observing, doing, and so on.
When attention is brought to it, it’s clear that there is no “I” here. It’s all just happening on its own.
The sense of an “I” is also an old pattern happening on its own.
There is no real reality or validity in it.
ENERGIES
I also see energies in and around anything – people, non-human beings, plants, and non-animate objects.
Here too, it depends on where attention is.
Normally, I don’t notice it very much. It’s in the background just like ordinary textures, colors, and so on.
And sometimes, attention goes to it and it comes more into the foreground. It comes to the foreground of attention, as anything does when you bring attention to it.
In my case, I mostly use it to notice the degree of awakening. It’s relatively easy to see how awake a system is by looking at the energies around the body.
I can also sense at a distance, which I use when I do distance healing and Vortex Healing. In this case, since the context typically is healing, I tend to pick up things related to body-mind health.
MUCH MORE FLUID
When I write about this, it seems a bit binary. Words differentiate and can make things seem more separate or different than they are.
In reality, all of this is much more fluid. For instance, there is often not such a separation or difference between not noticing and noticing. There is not necessarily much distance between the two and not even that much difference.
And it’s all happening within and as the same.
CHANGES OVER TIME
It’s been generally like this since the awakening shift in my teens.
And there have also been general changes over time creating phases that may last weeks, months, years, or even decades.
For example, for some years following the initial shift, oneness was very strongly in the foreground. There was no need to bring attention there to notice. All was oneness, consciousness, the divine, and it was right there in the foreground all the time. I assume this helped “bring the message home” for my system.
Then, my life situation changed and I was more focused on sustainability and community work for a few years, and oneness went a bit in the background. Perhaps my system needed a break?
After this, and for about six months, the no-self aspect came very strongly in the foreground. It was inescapable no matter what happened with attention or within content of experience. This happened after a period of more systematic and dedicated meditation and inquiry practice, and I suspect it is so my system can soak in the no-self aspect of its nature and absorb it more deeply.
Shortly after this, a great deal of unprocessed material came strongly to the surface – primal survival fear, wounds, and traumas formed early in life. When this happened, and it felt overwhelming and brought me to my knees (and beyond), it took a more conscious effort to notice that the trauma, and the reaction to the trauma, has the same nature as me. The old habitual patterns were more often more in the foreground. This is one form of dark night, and what I think of as a dark night of trauma. Wounded parts of us come up to unwind within the context of oneness recognizing itself as that too. The dial is turned down on the intensity of this these days, but my system is still in this phase to some extent. (And that’s OK.)
I have written more about all of this in other articles.
INITIAL DRAFT
What’s my experience of the world, this body, and so on?
It’s multifaceted and depends on where the focus of attention is.
CONSCIOUSNESS
When I look, I notice it’s all consciousness. It’s all happening within and as a field of consciousness, and within and as what I am. This experience is always here, and I am reminded of it when I bring attention to it. As soon as attention is brought to it, it’s unavoidable to notice.
For instance, where my imagination says my body is, I notice sight (what my thoughts may label pants, arms, a blurry nose). I notice sounds (that my thoughts may label fingers on the keyboard, slight sound of pant legs). I notice sensations. And it’s all consciousness with those things happening within it, and temporarily and locally taking those forms.
And the word “consciousness” is a label. It’s just something used for communication – sometimes with myself and sometimes with others. What it refers to is just what’s here. It’s what I am and all I have ever known. Labeling it makes it sound far more like a “thing” than it is, and for more like something that can be easily defined than it is. (That’s the same with anything we label. It’s all much less of a “thing” and much less easily defined than labels can give an impression of.)
WHAT “I” REFER TO
And “I” here refers to… nothing in particular. It’s more of a conventional way of talking about it. It can refer to the field of consciousness as a whole. Or this human self. It doesn’t really matter since it doesn’t really apply.
HABITUAL PATTERNS
Sometimes, I notice my psyche reacting to experiences from habits, hangups, wounds, and so on. That may play itself out to some extent and there is some engagement with and fueling of it. Or there is more space for something else to come in. For instance, it may be noticed and then there is no more fueling of it. Or a medicine is applied, like noticing the validity in the reversal of the stressful thought, or ho’oponopno, tonglen, or something similar.
Sometimes, there is a habitual sense of an “I” here observing, doing, and so on. And when attention is brought to it, it’s clear that there is no “I” here. It’s all just happening on its own. And the sense of an “I” is also an old pattern happening on its own. There is no real reality or validity in it.
MUCH MORE FLUID
When I write about this, it seems a bit binary. That’s what words often do.
In reality, all of this is much more fluid. There is not such separation or difference between not noticing and noticing. It’s all more just happening within and as the same.
….
All of this is always in change and flux.