What if this would never change?

What if this would never change?

I woke up this morning with discomfort throughout my system and world. Most likely, this is from having semi-crashed earlier in the week and also doing more than planned yesterday. It has brought up some of the crash symptoms of the CFS.

The question came up: What if this would never change?

And I noticed a shift – from some identification with a part of me that wants things to be different to finding myself as the whole of what’s here.

It’s a shift into finding myself as what’s already here and what I already am.

There are other ways to talk about this.

When I ask myself the question, I invite myself to explore how I can find peace with what’s here. If the situation and discomfort won’t and can’t change, and it doesn’t seem acceptable to parts of me, then what can and must change is how I relate to what’s here. How can I find more peace with it? How would it be to find more peace with it?

Instead of trying to change the discomfort itself, I can shift how I relate to it. Discomfort comes and goes and takes innumerable forms, so it makes sense to shift how I relate to it. (Of course, when I do, the experience of it changes too.)

This can be a shift within two contexts.

In one context, we still viscerally take ourselves to fundamentally be an I or me or something within the content of experience, and that’s fine. That’s very helpful.

In the other context, we viscerally and wordlessly find ourselves as what forms itself into what’s here. This softens or releases identification out of any content of experience. (The two cannot really be active at the same time.)

And a couple of more things.

When I said “throughout my system and my world” earlier, that’s because that’s the experience. Any state – including discomfort – fills my world. It is my world. It colors the whole sense field.

Also, I should mention that this is a familiar pointer and exploration for me, as is finding myself as the field as a whole. If this is early on in these explorations, I am sure the process will look different, as it should. We explore and discover slightly different things in different phases of the exploration, and there is an infinite amount to be explored for all of us.

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