Some folks talk about no self, and I do too in some of these articles.
It can be a helpful shorthand, and it can also be a little misleading.
Here is a more differentiated view that fits more closely with my experience.
THIS HUMAN SELF
There is a self in a conventional sense.
To others and the world, there is a human self here.
Even here, there is a human self here. There are sensations, sounds, smells, tastes, thoughts, and so on that my mental field organizes into a human self. That organization is required for this human self to function in the world.
It’s amazing and beautiful, and remarkable that it’s even possible. It’s not something to be taken for granted at all. In the realm of time and stories, it’s here for only a short time, so let’s appreciate it while it’s here.
NOT WHAT I MORE FUNDAMENTALLY AM
It’s also not what I more fundamentally am.
In my own first-person experience, this self – and anything else within the content of experience – happens within and as what I more fundamentally am.
I find myself as what a thought may call consciousness, and the world to me happens within and as this consciousness that I am. Anything related to this human self, including any ideas of a doer or observer, happens within and as what I am.
It comes and goes as anything else the consciousness I am forms itself into.
WHEN THE NO-SELF ASPECT OF MY NATURE COMES TO THE FOREGROUND
There is a third side to this, and that is that the no-self aspect of my nature sometimes comes stronger into the foreground.
For me, that happened during the initial oneness shift in my teens. The oneness aspect of it all came very strongly into the foreground and it showed very clearly that any sense of a self – any sense of an I, me, doer, observer, and so on – is not what I more fundamentally am. This lasted, in terms of time, for years.
Another time it came strongly into the foreground, although in a different way, was in my mid-thirties. The metaphorical volume button on the no-self aspect of my nature was turned strongly up for about six months.
It has also happened many other times, although in terms of conventional time, for just days or hours or even minutes.
As I see it, these shifts – and these phases when it comes strongly into the foreground – are life’s way of showing aspects of itself to itself. When the metaphorical volume button on it is turned up, it’s a way for life to consciously get more used to it and familiar with it, and even more so when it lasts for a while.
HOW WE TALK ABOUT IT
This is, obviously, about our immediate noticing and not primarily about words or how it’s reflected in mental representations.
Still, our words and how we talk about it matter.
If we mainly talk about no-self, it can be misunderstood and create ideas telling us we should negate any sense of self, and this can get weird and out of line with our direct perception.
To me, it makes more sense to talk about self and find genuine appreciation for it, along with pointing out that it’s not what I more fundamentally am. There is this wonderful and weird and sometimes confused and troublesome human self, and it’s not what I most fundamentally am in my own immediate perception.
THIS AMAZING HUMAN SELF AND SENSE OF SELF
This human self – and any mental representations of a me, I, identities and so on – is amazing, beautiful, and wonderous. It’s a miracle just like anything is a miracle.
It’s complex and finely tuned, it has amazing feedback mechanisms. It can function in the world in amazingly complex ways.
The way any sense of self is constructed is similarly miraculous. What’s happening in the sense fields – physical sensations, sight, sound, taste, smell – is woven together by the mental field, which also adds to it a large number of identities, memories, and so on.
As is how there can be identification with these ideas or not. Sometimes, these ideas are held as true and reflecting reality, and there is identification with and as the viewpoint of these ideas. There is a sense of being an object within the context of experience, and I with an Other. Other times, there is a temporary shift out of these identifications – or a more thorough softening or release of them – and our nature recognizes itself more clearly.
All of it is a miracle of nature. And it’s not what I more fundamentally am.
That allows me to find an even deeper appreciation for it. More precisely, it allows my human self – within this context of my nature recognizing itself – to find a deeper appreciation for itself.