I have noticed that if I share one aspect of the richness that’s here, that’s what people tend to latch onto, so it seems important to put it in context and mention it’s just one of many things happening.
WHAT I NOTICE
Right now, I notice…
Sensations in my face, throat, chest, solar plexus, all towards the front of the body. Thoughts saying this is anxiety. A story of what it is about (my parents not having long left, losing my physical safe base in Norway, fear of not having enough money, fear about the future). Noticing these sensations are not very strong, maybe 3 out of 10. Noticing that the stories are mental images and words.
Sensations in my throat, face, and chest. A story saying this is a quiet joy and exitement. A thought saying it’s about life, enjoying the morning, being alive. Noticing that these sensations also are not very strong, about the same as the others. Noticing that these sensations may partly be the same as above, minus the solar plexus.
Sight and a thought saying it’s my to-do list. Sensations in the solar plexus. A thought saying it’s a dull sensation, a contraction. Mental images of me doing things in the house to get it ready for sale. Thoughts wondering if I will be able to do it all and do it in time. Thoughts about pressure from others. Sensations in my chest and face.
Sight and a thought saying it’s Simba the cat, and that he is sleeping on the carpet on the floor close to me with his head on a sheep skin. Sensations in the chest. A thought saying it’s joy. A thought saying I feel honored that he is here with me. A thought saying I love him. Noticing that these sensations too are quite mild, about the same as the rest.
Thoughts asking: What is here now? What is true now? Thoughts saying I am sitting here in this room. It’s a warm and comfortable room. Simba sleeps close to me. It’s raining and a bit windy outside. I have a free day, although I have a menu of things I can do if I am moved to. (Cleaning some berries from the garden and put them in the freezer. Put some of my books in storage boxes. Possibly sort out the most important books and put them in their own box.)
Thoughts saying I have the land in the Andes and the house there. I have a wife that loves me. I have friends and family that love me. Thoughts saying that if it all falls apart, I can likely still go to a Zen center – the one in The Netherlands or Northern Spain – and do what I am called to do. Thoughts saying I can do that anyway, and there is an impulse to do so. I can do it as soon as some of the major projects are finished, like selling this house. A thought saying I can go deeper in my own explorations here and now. Noticing it feels good.
I can keep going. Some is here already. Some comes up easily through associations and in different situations.
RICHNESS
I can find an apparently infinite richness in me.
I can take any label, shift into the part of me that the labels fits, take on the role of and become that part, and explore it by speaking and moving from and as that part of me.
I can take any story I have about someone or something, turn it to myself, and find genuine and specific examples of how it’s true.
The world, to me, happens within and as my sense fields. It happens in sight, sounds, sensations, taste, smell, thoughts, and so on.
This world, to me, is a kind of island of phenomena floating in space. This human self and his surroundings is an island floating in space.
I notice this human self is here, and find myself as what this human self and the world happens within and as.
I notice the awakeness that’s here that takes all of these forms.
The world, to me, is like a dream. It happens within and as the awakeness I am.
A thought calls it consciousness. The consciousness I am takes all the forms of waking life and dreams. It seems I have never known anything else.
WHAT WE SHARE
How much of this do I share with others? Not much, obviously. In some situations, my mind picks out something and it becomes the focus for a little while.
I notice that with some people, and in some situations, the focus can be on what’s unresolved and distressing in me. I suspect this is happening because of the trauma from some of what has happened during the dark night and the deep trauma that has been surfacing. It helps to notice it’s just a small aspect of the richness that’s here.
Then there is also the question “how are you?”. With my friends, it seems it’s mostly not just a polite phrase and they want to know.
In one sense, the question doesn’t quite compute. There is far too much richness to say, and it’s all happening within and as what I am.
In another sense, I understand where the question is coming from. Most of the time, I say “I am good” or “mostly OK”, or I say “many things at once” which is accurate. If something is coming up strongly and it seems appropriate, I may share that there is some anxiety or sadness coming up or whatever it is.
Sometimes, I also go into stories about it, although most of the time, that feels a little bit out of alignment unless it has a practical purpose. Why? Becuase it invites both me and the other to take it more seriously than is sometimes appropriate or helpful.