I am building two loudspeakers. Somehow, it will be good for the community and the land.
In the process, I connect with a young woman. She is lively, quirky, and fun. We have an instant connection, and we work on the project together.
From the beginning, we know it’s us.
She takes me to her home so we can continue the build there, although it’s mostly a reason to introduce me to her family. Her family is like her: Lively, fun, and spontaneous. One of her siblings mentions to me that she told them we are together, even if we never got around to talking about it.
Everything feels right.
At the same time, I am aware of my hangups, traumas, and that I won’t be good enough for her. It’s also clear that we have a deep connection and we seem meant for each other. What I bring of unresolved issues is known and welcomed. We know it’s us.
RESONANCE WITH WHAT HAPPENED THE DAY BEFORE
I find two day-residues for this dream, things from the day before that seem reflected in this dream.
One is that my waking-life partner seemed far more open, receptive, and loving and we had a much better and renewed connection.
Another is that I looked at land for sale in this area that looks like paradise: Cooler climate, more water, ponds, waterfalls, and so on. These kinds of lands give me a way out if it becomes too noisy in this neighborhood at some point.
The feelings evoked from both of these are mirrored in the dream.
WAKING LIFE
With my waking life partner, I have the type of connection I had in the dream, although it’s been clouded over by traumas coming up in both of us. We are both in a deep cleaning out process which makes things challenging, along with cultural differences. (When I talk about cultural differences, I don’t mainly talk about the differences between countries, etc., for me, it’s much more personal. It’s about the cultures we as individuals live from and within and bring with us.) Yesterday was a reminder of how it can be between us, and it came about from a sincere conversation we had in the middle of the night the night before after we both woke up.
PSYCHOLOGICAL PATTERNS
The dream also reminded me of a couple of my hangups.
One is that a part of me feels I am not good enough. I am not good enough for this person, as a friend or partner. I am not good enough to take on the role of a therapist or guide in meditation or whatever. In the dream, this was minor compared with the deep sense of rightness and acceptance in the connection.
The other is a kind of happiness set-point I notice or suspect in me. A part of me thinks that if it’s too good, it’s not for me. It’s not what I deserve. It’s for someone else.
After waking up from this dream, I dialoged with that part of me for a while. I helped it see that it’s here to protect me, serve me, and do what’s best for me. It wants to protect me from disappointment, but life is full of ups and downs. Nothing stays the same. Life is disappointing to us sometimes, and that’s OK. It has more to do with our expectations than life itself. So why not allow me to go into good situations and enjoy them while they are here? It won’t last anyway, any more than anything lasts. This part of me can still protect me, it can remind me of this. And when it remembers that it’s purpose is to serve me, it can allow me to live good situations and experiences, knowing they too are transient as everything else.
ALL IN ME
The consciousness I am forms itself into dreams. All parts of the dream reflect something in me, and it’s all happening within and as the consciousness I am.
The woman in the dream is a part of me, as is her family. I am taking time to connect with that part of me and enjoying it.
THE SPEAKERS?
In the dream, I am building a speaker. It seems to be from components and not entirely from scratch.
Why speakers? Why will they be good for the land and the community? (The land here is a kind of nature preserve and regeneration project like I have in waking life.)
Speakers have to do with being heard. With voicing something. Broadcasting something. I have often silenced myself and stayed quiet instead of speaking up and being visible.
If I speak up and am more visible, it may be that I’ll more easily connect with this lively, quirky, and spontaneous part of me.
BIG DREAM?
Jung talks about Big Dreams and I have had some of those.
In this case, it’s kind of a big dream. A junior big dream. Maybe eight on a scale of one to ten.
What are some of the big dreams in my life? One is the Aphrodite and Apollo dream from my late teens, which included a close female friend (BH) and my tai chi teacher. Another, from about the same time, is swimming with a large golden fish or goldfish. Others are the premonition dreams from earlier in my teens: Living in Oregon and the northern part of South America. (Both of which came to realization many years later, in the same way as described in the dreams.) Another is from an apparent past life when I was a Russian intellectual in the 1850s and 1860s, with visits to Paris, and where I was killed by fellow anarchists because I vowed to expose a planned violent attack. Yet another was when I dreamt my dear cat friend would die, in the late 1990s, and he did a week later exactly as described in the dream.
This dream feels pretty significant and big right now, although I will likely forget it in some days, months, or years. The real big dreams still stay with me.
NOTES
Am going to make two speakers
Will be good for the land, community somehow
Connect with a younger woman
She is lively, quirky, fun
We work on the project together
We both know it’s us, it’s very clear
She takes me to meet her family
Lively, fun, spontaneous
She already told them we are together, even if we didn’t get around to talk about it
Everything feels right
I am a little concerned about my hangups, traumas, that I won’t be good enough for her
But it seems clear that the connection is so deep and what I bring is allowed and welcomed
We know it’s us
Whole dream, in a different setting, life, although I am still me
Day residue
Ale more lively, loving, much not enjoyable connection
Two pieces of land that seem very good, promising water, waterfalls
Both feel winter to the dream
The woman in the dream, lively, good match, know it’s right
Brings to mind happiness set point
Uncomfortable if too good (?)
In daily life, look at the part of me that’s uncomfortable
What is it afraid of?
The stressful stories
Help out see through