Yesterday morning, I was removing most of a cat’s claw (uña de gato, Uncaria tomentosa) vine near the entrance to the garden of the small house. The cat’s claw is a native pioneer and invaluable for the recovery of the ecosystem when the land is degraded.
In this case, I wanted to remove one to make space for new plants. The process wasn’t too easy, and somehow, it reminded me of inquiring into beliefs and working on identifications in general.
THE CAT’S CLAW NETWORK OF BRANCHES AND THORNS
The cat’s claw has sharp thorns that connect with whatever it touches, so I started by removing a lot of smaller branches on the outside of the vine.
I cut and pulled on them, but they would attach to other branches making it difficult to get them out. They would also attach to my clothes and skin.
After removing them, I would work on the next layer. And the next, until I finally got to the main central branches.
INQUIRY INTO A NETWORK OF BELIEFS – WITH THEIR OWN BRANCHES AND THORNS!
When I explore beliefs with The Work of Byron Katie, it’s similar. For it to be effective, I often need to work on a whole network of connected beliefs.
The Judge Your Neighbor (JYN) worksheet is great for identifying some to start with.
During inquiry, more come up and I keep a note of them for later.
It’s also possible to ask some questions under question three to get to connected and/or underlying beliefs. For instance: What’s the worst that can happen if…? What do you most fear will happen if… What’s your first memory of having that belief?
BELIEF = IDENTIFICATION = IDENTIFYING WITH THE VIEWPOINT OF A STORY
What is a belief?
There is a simple answer: It’s when I hold a thought as true. I hold the story told by the thought as true. I perceive and live as if it’s true.
More accurately: The consciousness I am identifies with the viewpoint of a story. It perceives and lives as if it is that viewpoint, at least as far as that is possible. It pretends to do so and makes it appear very convincing to itself.
A HOLARCHY OF IDENTIFICATIONS
It seems that beliefs and identifications form a kind of holarchy. A nested set of systems or networks from small to larger to the full system.
There are smaller networks of closely related identifications, often with one or a few underlying assumptions. Then, there are larger clusters of beliefs with a set of related underlying beliefs tying them together. Finally, there is the system of all the beliefs and identifications together.
Some are more closely related, and some are more distantly related, but they are all interconnected. They all prop each other up. And most of them rest on a network of a few underlying universal beliefs.
To take one example of a small network of beliefs, resting on one or a few underlying beliefs: If she is making that face, it means she doesn’t love me and will leave me. If I am not a good boy, they won’t like and accept me. I am different (and that’s bad). I am an outsider. Nobody likes me. And underlying these: I am unlovable. I am unloved.
A HOUSE OF CARDS?
I remember Adyashanti talking about identifications and, at some point, we may find and examine one that makes the whole house of cards fall apart. That’s like getting to the central vines when removing the cat’s claw.
I suspect it’s true and also not the full story. With the whole house of cards, I suspect he means that some central identifications fall away so that the consciousness we are more easily recognizes itself. That’s true enough, but there is likely a network of identifications left to be explored.
GLOBAL VS LOCAL
The consciousness I am may generally and globally recognize itself. That shift happened here when this human self was sixteen, and it’s still here.
At the same time, my system still holds onto a whole network of identifications and painful beliefs. Parts of my psyche hold onto painful stories as true, and perceive and operate as if they are true.
I am a whole ecosystem, and my conscious view and orientation is just the context for it all. It’s far from the whole story.
THREE STATES OF THE ECOSYSTEM
Default mode. Sometimes, the consciousness I am notices itself and recognizes all appearances as itself, at least when attention goes there. Not too much else is going on. That’s how it is right now.
Relating consciously to what’s triggered. Sometimes, the consciousness I am notices that wounded parts of the psyche are triggered. It’s able to notice what’s happening, recognize it as happening within and as itself, and relate to it more consciously. (Really, it’s my psyche relating to itself more consciously.)
In this state of the ecosystem, these wounded parts – the ones still holding onto painful stories as true – can be seen, felt, met, recognized as love, loved, welcomed, and so on. This helps them to unwind, relax a bit, and even recognize their own nature.
Caught up in what’s triggered. There is also another state of the ecosystem, and that’s when a wounded part of me gets triggered, and my conscious view joins in. The consciousness I am identifies with the viewpoint of the painful story that a part of the psyche holds as true. At an obvious level, this usually doesn’t last too long.
Of course, reality is not quite as clean. There can be a mix of some of these, and one can flow into another relatively quickly.
COLOR MY PERCEPTION AND LIFE
I am also very aware that no matter what state the ecosystem is in, many different parts of my psyche still hold onto beliefs. These inevitably color my perception and my life, and I am not even aware of exactly how.
That’s why a big part of my journey has been to explore healing and finding healing for these many parts of me still living in confusion, pain, and as if certain painful stories are true.
AN ONGOING PROCESS
When the initial oneness shift happened, it was astonishing and turned everything inside out and upside down. It completely changed the life of this human self in the world.
At the same time, I was very aware that it was only the beginning. There is always more to explore and get familiar with, more maturing that can happen, more healing to find, and so on.
One aspect of this is to identify and explore the painful beliefs parts of me still hold as true, even if my conscious view may be quite different from these stories.
It’s an ongoing process, and that’s wonderful in many ways. It means the adventure continues.
(I first wrote the previous sentence as “and that’s wonderful” and noticed parts of me that don’t see it that way feeling excluded. I changed it to “in many ways” as an acknowledgment of the experience of these parts of me.)