There is a difference between general awakening and parts awakening.
When the oneness shift happened in my teens, it was very clear that it turned everything upside down and inside out and that this human self still had a long way to go in aligning with it.
As I have written about in other articles, there is a big difference between a general awakening, and our human self – our psyche – getting more fully on board with it.
GENERAL AWAKENING
A general awakening is when our nature consciously recognizes itself.
It may have taken itself as fundamentally an object within the content of experience – usually a combination of this human self, a doer, an observer, human identities, roles, and so on. It pretended to do this since it can’t happen fully.
Then, it recognizes itself. It finds itself as what all content of experience happens within and as. It finds itself as what a thought may call consciousness. It finds itself as the consciousness the world, as it appears to itself, happens within and as. It finds itself as the consciousness that forms itself into any and all content of experience.
There is a general release of identification out of stories telling it is fundamentally anything within the content of experience.
This can happen as a glimpse or in a more stable way. Often, there is a long process after this where the consciousness we are explores itself and gets into the habit of noticing itself through daily life situations and changing content of experience.
In the lead-up to this, there can be a period of intuitions or apparently weird experiences: A tree may seem conscious. Things may appear to look back at you. There may be a sense of consciousness or Spirit in things or the whole world. And so on. These are our nature noticing itself, although veiled behind some relatively strong remaining identifications.
PARTS AWAKENING
As humans and a psyche, we consist of innumerable parts or subpersonalities. Any label or story is, in a sense, a part. It creates a part. These parts live their own life to a large extent.
They all inevitably color our perception and life, often without us consciously noticing.
Some of them – or maybe most? – operate to a certain extent from painful stories. They operate as if a certain story, different in each case, is true. They are wounds, issues, hangups, traumas, or whatever we want to call it.
TALKING ABOUT IT
There are different ways to talk about these two aspects of what we are.
One is using the language of who and what. As what I am, I am what all content of experience happens within and as. As who I am, I am this human self in the world. Both are accurate in their own ways. (To myself, I am what this world happens within and as. In the world and to others, I am this human self.)
We can also say it’s the difference between consciousness and system. One is the consciousness I am. The other is the system of this human self embedded in the larger social and ecological systems of the world. To me, the consciousness I am forms itself into the experience of the latter.
Or maybe context and content. The context is what I am. The content is whatever happens in the sense fields, in the content of experience. Here too, we can say that the context forms itself into the experience of any content.
INVITING HEALING AND ALIGNING
Noticing the many wounds of my human self is why I got deeply into working with projections and the shadow in my mid-teens, to invite more parts of my psyche to heal and align more consciously with my nature – and their nature, which is the same.
What are some of the approaches we can use to invite these wounded and confused parts of us to heal and align with our nature noticing itself?
The main one is our orientation – receptivity, curiosity, and genuine wish for healing and seeing the reality and truth of our different parts and how they operate.
Relationships are an important arena for noticing and being honest about what we see in ourselves, and also practicing what’s new to us, and having good boundaries. Relationships include our relationship with ourselves, our parents, our friends and colleagues, our children, the world, and so on.
Befriending is, in some ways, what it’s all about. Befriending the confused and suffering parts of us. See it. Feel it. Find love for it. Treat it with kindness. Treat it as we would like to be treated when we feel that way. (When those parts of us are triggered and on the surface.) Listen to it. Find the stressful stories it’s believing. Notice it’s nature. (Which is the same as our nature.) Rest in and as that noticing. Allowing it to realign within that noticing.
Therapy can help us identify and explore issues, in whatever form of therapy works for us, whether it’s talk therapy, somatic, parts work, or something else.
Different forms of mindful movement can transform energies and help us feel more at home in our system, whether it’s yoga, tai chi, qigong, Breema, dance, or something else.
Heart-centered practices help us shift our relationship with parts of ourselves, the world, and our experiences in general.
Basic meditation also helps us shift our relationship with our experiences. After trying and failing to consistently notice and allow our experiences, we may notice that what’s here is already noticed and allowed and rest in and as that noticing, and that noticing and allowing.
Training a more stable attention supports all of this, just about any activity, and also our well-being.
Inquiry can help us explore our nature, and also how our mind creates identifications and beliefs, and find what’s more true for us. I especially like the Big Mind process, Headless experiments, and sense field explorations including modern versions like the Kiloby Inquiries.
Some forms of energy work can help release the load in the system around certain issues. The one I have found that seems to really work is Vortex Healing.
MY STORY
How has all of this unfolded for me?
When I was fifteen, it was as if the world – any content of experience including this human self – went very far away. I also started having a sense of the divine in and as everything, and weird things started happening like seeing energies around plants, animals (also humans), and inanimate objects. I later saw this as consciousness releasing identification with the world and this human self, and retaining identification as an observer.
When I was sixteen, there was a dramatic and profound oneness shift that turned everything upside down and inside out. It was very clear that I was not fundamentally anything within content of experience. I was what it all happened within and as. This was followed by years of a flood of insights (same as I write about here) and strong energies running through my system. This noticing never went away, although it has clarified over time. (For instance, for a while it was associated with a certain state.)
In my mid-teens, I got deeply into Jung and the Jungian approach to working with projections, the shadow, and dreams (and waking life as a dream). I continued reading Jung and his followers in my twenties and thirties and applying it.
In my teens and twenties, I delved deeply into basic meditation, Heart/Jesus Prayer, tonglen, Taoist inner yoga, tai chi, qigong, and more.
I have gone to various therapists since my early twenties. The ones I got the most out of were one who took a very pragmatic approach with goals and ratings, and Process Work (Process Oriented Psychology.)
I got into Process Work for many years and did sessions and went to practice sessions, workshops, and trainings at the Process Work center in Portland.
I was there when Genpo Roshi developed his Big Mind process, which is an effective way to clarify our nature, check in with the different parts of our psyche and see how they operate and see us, and find ways to create a more conscious partnership with them.
I then got equally deeply into The Work of Byron Katie, which is an effective way to identify and examine stories that parts of us hold as true, and find what’s genuinely more true for us. Finding genuine and specific examples, and taking one of the turnarounds into daily life, helps us get this more viscerally.
Breema is an amazing way to find our wholeness in a deeply visceral way, and I this too became a daily practice for several years.
I got into sense field explorations from Buddhism, and also the Kiloby Inquiries which is a modernized version of traditional Buddhist inquiry.
Through that, I also found Vortex Healing which is a remarkably effective form of energy work – to support healing and the awakening process.
And then the essence of all of this, which is befriending the suffering parts of me as described above. See them. Rest with the sensations. Notice the stressful stories the part of me is operating on, and find what’s more true for me. Meet it with kindness. Find genuine love for it. (It comes from a wish to protect me, it comes from love for me even if it’s confused love.) Dialog and listen to what it has to tell me. Give it what it really wants – love, acceptance, support, a sense of coming home. Notice its nature, which is the same as mine since it happens within and as what I am. Rest in and as that noticing. Allowing it to unwind and realign within that noticing.
As I seem to have a slightly obsessive personality, I tend to go deeply into these things. I typically would set aside time for practice for hours a day, and keep doing it through daily life.
For the last 15 years or so, I have also been in a deep dark night. In my case, a kind of dark night of trauma where different things surfaced at different times – profound survival fear, childhood trauma, attachment challenges, and so on. This has come with a series of losses in life – of my house, belongings, health, friends, opportunities, and so on. As I see it, this is another phase in the process of inviting healing for more of my system.
NOT A NEW TOPIC
As usual, none of this is new. This is what people throughout history and across tradition have talked about, although in the language of their tradition and time.
If my process is similar to that of others, it’s hard to not notice the distinction between (a) a general awakening and (b) the many parts of our human self – the wounded parts – not quite on board with it.
This process of more of us getting on board with the awakening is what some call embodiment, which is a nice shorthand. It’s almost too much of a shorthand since people may have quite different ideas of what it means.
THE PURPOSE?
I imagine some may wonder what the purpose of all of this is?
I don’t think there really is a purpose, apart from the exploration itself. It’s life expressing, experiencing, and exploring itself as this too, through and as one of its local and temporary expressions which happens to be this human self.
At a human level, we can find or create different purposes. For instance, healing, well-being, finding meaning, being less of a nuisance to others, being a small part of the healing humanity needs right now, and so on.