The paradox of tolerance – in society and in ourselves

We are seeing the paradox of tolerance play itself out in the US now.

TOLERANCE OF INTOLERANCE IN THE US

The US society has allowed open xenophobia, racism, misogyny, and general bigotry. They have allowed systematic scapegoating, disinformation, and lies. They have allowed open authoritarianism and fascist tendencies. They have allowed all of this in Trump and his followers. They have done very little to stop it.

The media has given Trump the spotlight. The courts have allowed him to get away with just about everything. The law either allows it or is not implemented.

They have allowed all of this to happen for years, to the point where he now will be president again, this time with more experience, a clear plan (Project 2025), and people ready to take crucial positions.

The US tolerance of intolerance has allowed someone who admires Hitler to become president. It has set the stage for authoritarianism to erode and destroy tolerance if Trump gets his way.

If applied too broadly, tolerance destroys itself, as Karl Popper pointed out decades ago.

TOLERANCE OF INTOLERANCE IN OURSELVES

This also applies to my inner society, to how we relate to the different parts of myself.

If I indulge in the different parts of me, it harms my life and my psyche. I am at the whim of any and all parts of me that happen to be activated.

It’s better to relate to the different parts of me with some discernment and avoid indulging in them if they can harm me or my life.

For instance, a part of me tells me something clearly not true. I recognize it’s not true. I know where it comes from. (E.g. childhood experiences, family patterns.) I tell myself what’s genuinely as or more true.

A part of me is deeply sad and has stories to go with it. I allow the sadness and stories. I notice the stories are not true, where they come from, and what’s more true for me. I notice that this is a part of me and far from all of what I am. I notice it’s happening within and as the consciousness I am.

A part of me is strongly reactive. I recognize the signs. I step back. I remove myself from the triggering situation, if possible. I may tell someone what’s going on, to have a witness besides myself. (Helps with accountability.) I allow it to relax and subside. If appropriate, I can then act from a more calm place.

A part of me wants to blame someone or make them into a baddie or a scapegoat. I notice the signs. I notice the fear in me behind it. I take a breath. I find how I am responsible in the situation, if I am directly involved. I find in myself what I see in the other. What story do I have about the person? What do I find when I turn that story to myself? Can I find genuine and specific examples of how I do the same? Maybe even in this situation?

Of course, it’s not always that easy, but it’s a helpful guideline, intention, and ongoing exploration.