In my teens and early twenty, I was deeply into ideas of the evolution of the universe, how we are a temporary and local expression of the seamless whole of existence, how we can consciously participate in the creativity and evolution of the universe, and so on.
This all came from the oneness shift that happened when I was sixteen, combined with my interest in science, evolution, systems views, integral models, the Universe Story, and so on.
In my thirties, my focused shifted away from this. I focused more exclusively on my own first-person experience and left the storytelling aside for a while.
Ideas about the nature of existence, the evolution of the universe and this planet, systems views, integral models, and so on is all storytelling. We need stories to function in the world, and these are helpful and inspiring stories, but it was time for me to set it aside.
These days, perhaps inspired by the food forest, I seem to be getting back into it, and this time, it seems more important to differentiate perception and stories.
MY OWN FIRST-PERSON EXPERIENCE
In my own first-person experience, I am what the world – to me – appears within and as. I am consciousness and the consciousness I am forms itself into any and all content of experience. That means that all I have ever known is my own nature. All I have ever known is consciousness.
Even more fundamentally, I seem to be capacity for it all. I am capacity for consciousness and all it forms itself into.
WHAT I CAN KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT
I can know something about my own nature. It has all the characteristics of consciousness. It’s one. It’s seamless. It’s ephemeral. Whatever experience it forms itself into seems like a dream since it’s made up of the consciousness I am.
There is even a kind of love here. It’s a love independent of changing emotions and states. It’s the love of the left hand removing a splinter from the right. It’s a love that can be temporarily covered up by confused dynamics from wounds, hangups, and traumas.
WHAT I CANNOT KNOW FOR CERTAIN
That’s something I notice in immediacy, and I can imperfectly reflect it in words. (Words always imperfectly reflect whatever we try to put words on.)
I can not know anything for certain about the world or existence itself.
To me, since I am consciousness that forms itself into any and all experiences, the world will inevitably appear as consciousness. That’s how it has to appear, it’s inevitable.
That doesn’t mean that the nature of existence itself is the same as mine, that it is consciousness.
IDEAS ABOUT THE EVOLUTION OF EXISTENCE
In the initial oneness shift, all was revealed as consciousness. All of existence is consciousness AKA God, Spirit, the divine, Brahman, and so on.
Combine this with my existing interest in science and evolution, and it’s easy to imagine that the universe is the body of God, that it is consciousness taking material form, and that it evolves.
We humans are temporary and local expressions of the evolution of the seamless whole of existence and this universe. We participate in this evolution whether we notice or not.
We have the potential to consciously participate in this creativity and evolution. That’s an exciting idea, and it’s exciting and inspiring to me even now.
It’s an idea that fits science and it makes sense. It fits our times and culture, especially if we have a mystical bent.
BEING HONEST ABOUT IT
And yet, I don’t know.
What I know is what I notice about my own nature – that I am awake space that forms itself into the world as it appears to me, including this human self and anything related to him.
I also know that the world inevitably will appear as consciousness to me, since the consciousness I am to myself forms itself into my experiences of the world.
I know it makes sense to me to call the whole of existence God, whatever its nature may be.
I also know that any stories about the nature of existence, evolution, and so on, are ideas.
They are guesses about the world.
It’s worth holding it all lightly.
BRINGING IT ALL TOGETHER
For me, it means a few different things…
I’ll keep exploring my own nature since that’s something I notice in immediacy, outside of and before it’s reflected in thought. That’s what I can say something about.
I’ll keep noticing that my world appears as consciousness since it – to me – happens within and as the consciousness I am.
I may keep exploring ideas about the existence as a whole, the universe, evolution, humans having the potential to consciously participate in the evolution of the universe and existence, and so on. It’s fun, interesting, fascinating, inspiring, and possibly helpful for humanity.
I’ll also hold those ideas lightly. I know they are guesses. I know I cannot know any of it for certain.
A FEW MORE WORDS
I realize I should clarify something…
FINDING IDEAS THAT MATCH IMMEDIATE NOTICING
In my teens and twenties, I got into systems views, integral models, the Universe Story, the Gaia theory, Buddhism, Taoism, quantum physics, and more because it fit my immediate experience. It fit with the oneness I found myself and the world as in my own immediate noticing.
These were the ideas out there that best fit my immediate noticing, so I was naturally drawn to them. If there were other ideas out there that fit as well or better, I would likely be into them as well.
The fit is admittedly clunky. These ideas are ideas and different in nature to what they point to. They reflect a very young humanity trying to make sense of things.
They are the first baby steps in trying to make sense of the world in a way that matches an immediate oneness experience (or, in some cases, an intuition).
In many cases, they come from and reflect a mind that may not consciously recognize itself as consciousness so there is some lack of alignment from that too.
THE WORLD IS MY MIRROR
I should also mention that the world is my mirror.
Whatever ideas I have about the world reflect something that’s here now.
Whatever maps and worldviews I use reflect me here and now.
If I see the universe as a seamless system, it’s because my experience here and now is seamless. It’s a seamless whole.
If I have ideas about evolution, it’s because I can find evolution here. I can find how this consciousness I am evolves in terms of its content and how it reflects and relates to it all.
If I perceive existence as consciousness, it’s because I am consciousness. All I know and all I have ever known is consciousness.