I watched Super/Man: The Christopher Reeve Story, a documentary about his life, disability, and activism.
Since I also have a disability, it made me look at wholeness and brokenness.
HUMAN BROKENNESS
At a human level, there is inevitably some brokenness. There may be slight brokenness in the form of some hangups, wounds, and physical ailments, or it may be more obvious brokenness in the form of trauma, illness, or disability. That’s how this life is. It’s part of life.
I also find wholeness.
WHAT I AM
As what I am, there is wholeness. As the consciousness I am – forming itself into the experience of this human self, health and disability, a life in the world, and the wider world – there is wholeness. I cannot not be whole.
The consciousness I am forms itself into (the idea and appearance of) brokenness and everything else, and as capacity for it all, I am capacity also for brokenness.
WHO I AM
As who I am, as this human self in the world, I also find wholeness.
I am as rich as the world. Whatever I see in the world is something I can find in myself.
I can take any story about someone or something, turn it to myself, and find specific and authentic examples of how they are true.
There is a wholeness here that’s as rich as the world.
PART OF THE LARGER WHOLE
As this human self, I am part of this seamless living system we call Earth, and I am a part of the seamless system we call the universe or existence.
As Carl Sagan said, we are the local eyes, ears, thoughts, and feelings of the universe. We are the universe bringing itself into consciousness. I would add that we are the universe investigating and reforming itself through and as us.
We are existence expressing, exploring, and experiencing itself temporarily and locally as us.
There is a wholeness here too.
A LIVED NOTICING AND EXPERIENCE
This is all a lived noticing and experience for me.
I am very aware of (some of) my brokenness in terms of my wounds, traumas, and physical disability and challenges.
I notice myself as this consciousness forming itself into this whole field of experience. (Headless experiments, the Big Mind process.)
I explore myself, at a human level, as being as rich as the world. I use the world as a mirror to find what I see there also in myself. (Projections, The Work of Byron Katie.)
I explore and remind myself of the Universe Story and that I am a local and fleeting expression of the seamless system of existence.
When I engage in meditation and mindful movement, especially over time, I find a visceral sense of wholeness. For me, Breema is especially good for this.
This is all an ongoing noticing and exploration. There is no finishing line.
Wholeness and brokenness are both here, and the brokenness is part of the wholeness already here.
THE IDEA OF BROKENNESS
Whatever idea we have of brokenness is an idea, it’s created by our mental field.
It reflects our culture, family, subcultures, and so on.
It’s a question about the world, as any other thought, whether we notice or not.
It’s worth identifying and questioning any ideas we have about brokenness and anything else that may be stressful to us.
Is it true that I am broken even if I have a disability? I find that my body works in amazing ways. It knows how to breathe, metabolize, speak, think, feel, walk, and much more. There is definitely a wholeness here, even living with a chronic illness.
Is it true I am broken even if I have traumas? I find that these traumas don’t exclusively belong to me. They belong to my family, my ancestors, my culture, and humanity as a whole. They are universals. They are something many of us live with, explore, and even make friends with. There is a wholeness here.
This helps me hold my ideas of brokenness more lightly. Yes, it’s true in a limited and conventional sense, and it’s a useful idea in some contexts. And it also misses a lot. It misses the wholeness that’s here. The wholeness that includes and goes far beyond anything we may consider “broken”.