I am with a group of friends, in a large natural park for a concert or some kind of performance. They decide to enjoy the performance in the obvious place, in the front in an open area. I decide to find a more interesting place, which turns out to be a bad decision. The view and sound is blocked from there. I eventually end up on the other side of the park and on the other side of a small mountain. As I try to return, I find three tunnels going through the mountain. I prefer to not use the tunnels and see someone to ask for another path, even if I know the tunnels are most direct.
THE DREAM AND WHAT IT BRINGS UP
This is one of those half-way confused and borderline nightmarish dreams. It may have come up from doing energetic work for myself before falling asleep (working on my lungs with Vortex Healing).
I was with a group of friends, we were in a natural park, and about to enjoy a performance. It was all good. I second-guessed the choices of the others, wanted to check out other options for where to experience the performance from, and ended up in a worse place. The view was blocked from there. I then got even more off track and ended up on the other side of a small mountain. The only way back was through tunnels, and I was not excited about that option.
When I summarize it like that, I see that this is a pattern in my life. I started out my adult life with very good options and situations – in terms of relationships, community, career, and more. I then second-guessed it, went off to check out other things, and it turned out – as my personality saw it – worse. I then had to find my way back to it, through despair, dark nights, and metaphorical tunnels.
Including metaphorical tunnels through contractions in me, bringing awareness into uncomfortable contractions that my personality would rather avoid.
That all makes sense. It fits. And it’s a reminder to willingly enter those tunnels, especially as they will bring me back to my friends – my inner and outer community – and the enjoyable performance.
It’s humbling to see and take this in. It’s me. It’s my life. A part of me wishes it wasn’t like that.
I also know that many, if not most, have experienced something like this in their life, in smaller or bigger ways. It’s universally human. It’s a universal human experience.
SOME OF THE WAYS IT HAPPENS
There are many ways this dynamic happens.
It happens anytime I leave my inner knowing and guidance. It’s usually clear, and I decide to follow more troubled parts of me. That brings complications.
It happens all the times I have abandoned a path that felt deeply right because parts of me were scared of attention, responsibility, and so on. I have abandoned careers and career options more than once for that reason.
It happened the two times I left romantic relationships that felt deeply right.
It happens in daily life if I abandon my knowing and what feels deeply right for me in apparently small things, usually to try to please others and not be “difficult”.
THE ESSENCE
The essence of the dream, as it looks to me now, is that the simple, wise, and kind choice often doesn’t seem too interesting to parts of me.
These parts wants something more interesting, unusual, and different experiences. Those part are, in one way, adventurous and help me experience more and different things. They are also, likely, slightly wounded and misguided. They bring me away from my inner knowing and guidance. They leave the simple, wise, kind, and enjoyable, and what feels deeply and quietly right, and instead seek out something far more troublesome.
The path back is bringing awareness into these contractions, these parts of me that seek (unnecessary, uncomfortable) complications.
ENTERING THE TUNNEL
As I write this, I take time to metaphorically enter the tunnel.
I notice the contraction in me that I sometimes follow and lead myself astray. I bring awareness into it.
I notice it happens within and as this awake space. (Awake in the ordinary way, the way that’s inherent in what I am and ordinary experiences.) I notice the divine (or whatever we want to call this awake space) as this contractions, appearing as the contraction, taking that form here.
I rest in and as that noticing.
FOOD FOR INQUIRY
I also notice some thoughts for inquiry:
If it’s simple, it’s too easy.
Following my inner knowing is dangerous.